Is it true what they say about size? That bigger is better and that size really does matter? Ten years ago, I would have taken a much more politically correct stance on this topic, and told you that size isn't important; that it's what you do with it that counts... But, as I get older, I've come to realize that size is super important. And no, you dirty dirty people, I'm not talking about penis size, I'm talking about the size of your wedding!! Don't get me wrong, I love a small and intimate wedding, surrounded only by those you really love, but usually, planning these small and intimate affairs is a bigger pain in the ass than the bigger more elaborate weddings. Why? Because there's more at stake and less buffer. That said, I do have some advice on how to not be a pain in the ass during planning. Look down.
1. First of all... Remember that while your party may be small, your attitude doesn't need to be big. And as I've written a hundred, million times before, your shit attitude will hinder your success and will only get in your way. So, while you may be falling apart on the inside (for reasons listed below), putting on a face and being nice to those around you will only make for a better planning experience. Trust me, I know it's hard, but as several wise women (and probably some men too) have said in the past, "fake it 'till you make it".
2. Managing family dynamics can be more difficult with fewer people acting as a "distraction" to the big picture. And fewer people still means big opinions. And, if I had to guess, I'm sure you're fielding plenty of big opinions about a having small, intimate wedding. Opinions from your mom and dad or your soon-to-be in laws about all of the friends and family they can't invite. And that can be absolutely rattling. I get it. I really do, but, bridey, it's really simple. Stay strong, and remember why you made the choice to have a small celebration. Perhaps you wanted an intimate day and money in your pocket for your plans after the wedding. Or perhaps you don't love your giant extended family. Whatever your reasoning may be, remember it when things get tough. Own it when things get tough. Stand by it when things get tough. And stay strong when things get tough. Which leads me to my next point... The fucking guest list.
3. Determining the guest list can be painful. You and your sig other are choosing to have a small wedding and unfortunately that choice comes with consequences. Don't get me wrong, I really love the idea of a small wedding; I get it... I did it (well, I eloped, but still dealt with a lot of the same issues as you!). And, I pissed off a lot of people in the process. But, deciding to essentially eliminate friends and family can be hurtful. So, be blunt. Don't dance around guest list. Be open with the people you're not inviting and tell them that although they're not invited to your wedding doesn't mean that you don't care about them. No need to get into budget conversations or reasons here bridey; you don't owe them an explanation or an apology, just the truth. And leave it there. The less you say the better. I've said it before and I'll say it again... You might be doing them a favor because maybe they don't want to go your wedding anyway.
4. Hire a wedding planner. I know that you think you don't need one simply because your wedding is small, but your wedding planner can act as the perfect liaison for shit you don't want to deal with, and I'm not just talking about logistics. I'm talking about your mom whining about how you didn't invite Aunt Shirley or how sometimes glitches are more noticeable with less people. THAT'S why you here a planner. It's not because I don't believe in your planning abilities, it's fielding the bullshit that can get tricky.
5. Break tradition. Get rid of the formalities that aren't important to you. You're already breaking the rules by having a small wedding, so skip stupid shit. Skipping a DJ or band? Then get an amazing guitarist as entertainment so that you can have a first dance (if you want). No cake cutting? Fine. You should still have an amazing cake! That's one of the things I regret about eloping. We never cut the cake because we didn't have one! And I fucking love cake!!!! Anyway, all I'm saying, is that you've come this far... So, don't succumb to the pressure of "the norm" now!
Bridey, you see a theme here? I'm telling you to stay strong and stand behind your decision. You're not doing anything wrong by choosing to have a beautifully small and intimate wedding. Just own your decision and kill any haters with kindness. You'll be surprised at how staying strong will empower your decision and your attitude! Got it?!
Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash