I’m absolutely ecstatic to be featured for the fourth time on Yahoo! Finance!
“UGH!!! I’m so FRUSTRATED!“ I whined loudly. “I have the idea, I know what I want to say, but I cannot get it out of my head and onto the fucking paper.” I said banging my head on the desk
“So, don’t start at the beginning.” My husband said causally. “Start in the middle or at the end.
“Oh my God! You’re a fucking genius. Why didn’t I think of that?” I said.
“Because, I’m smarter than you.” he teased.
But, the thing is, I did. I did think about starting in the middle; just not for the project I was struggling to begin... I thought about that for you, bridey, in an earlier post about quitting your wedding planning. But, this recent stroke of genius (thanks to my hus) got me thinking that perhaps I should help you to change your perspective. Change your focus, and start your wedding planning from the middle instead of from the beginning. Or at the end instead of the middle. Or at the beginning because that is what works for you. I mean, sure there’s etiquette, and timelines and “suggestions”, but if it doesn’t work for you, then fuck it! It really doesn’t matter where you start. Start wherever the inspiration is flowing. Just start. That’s what I did, and it totally worked.
Just like you, bridey, I felt (and still feel) completely overwhelmed by this project because I’ve never done it before, and I really have no idea what I’m doing. I’m in unfamiliar territory, and hot damn is it uncomfortable! Right??! And, although we’re in the midst of two completely different obstacles, it’s an obstacle nonetheless. But, starting in the middle changed my trajectory, it changed my path, it made this project feel like something I could absolutely accomplish, but at my pace and in my own way.
It felt a lot like when I started the BB podcast. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Like zero idea. I knew I wanted to host my own show, and say whatever felt right (for me, but more so for you, bridey), and this was how I was going to do it. Over the years, I had been in bed with a few networks, trying like mad to bring Bitchless Bride to TV, but their fear of out-of-the-box concepts and something different than what’s already out there stifled my dreams, and my dream for you. So, I took the plunge! I jumped right in. And, I hired professionals to make it sound FAB, edit + produce it, and now it’s all mine.
So, now, I’m starting this new and extremely intimidating project (attempting to write a pretty cool wedding show with a kickass production company), and it’s scary. And, until my hus suggested that I start in the middle, the struggle was VERY real. But, then I started. In the fucking middle!! And, unlike the podcast, where I jumped (more like leapt into a trust fall), this needed some more finessing, more thought, and a lot more structure (if you listen to my podcast, you know what I mean!).
So, my advice for you, bridey? Listen to yourself. Where do YOU want to begin? What part of your wedding planning excites you? Then start there! You’ll be amazed at how quickly that excitement morphs into the planning the next step, and the next and the next. Your own excitement can be self-contagious (think I just made that up!). It will push you forward, and you may even enjoy the process! Just be sure that if you have your heart set on a particular venue/band/photographer, to give yourself enough time to secure them or that you’re date flexible (i.e.: Friday, Sunday or off season). Otherwise, dive in! Got it? Good! Then stay Bitchless!
Today, I feel like STICKING IT to this awful, Northeast weather. Snow? Really? Fucking snow? I’m not ready for it yet… So, instead of showing you the winter wedding I had planned for today, I switched gears and decided to show you something beautiful (not that the other post wasn’t beautiful, but there was snow in it!), something magnificent, something crafted and collaborated in Hawaii. And, even though we don’t go outdoors, you’ll still feel the openness and airiness of being outside because of the exquisite design and décor.
Bridey, there is so much fabulous inspiration captured in this styled shoot, that I will seriously be mad at you if you don’t take some of this deliciousness and incorporate it into your wedding. There’s color, there’s romance, there’s metallics, there’s greenery, there’s an A MAZ ING wedding dress... OMG, take your pick and run to the altar with it! When talented vendors get together and create beautiful scenery, it’s our job to do something about it, right? Enjoy!!
Totally gorgeous! How could you NOT want to sit at this stunning table??
Yaaaaassssssss!!! A million times yes!!!!
This is extraordinary. It’s SO simple, but entirely elegant and beautiful.
See what I mean about feeling open + airy?
That dress!!! Those flowers!!! That table!! Oh my!
I’ll be honest… When I first saw this pic, I thought the bride wasn’t wearing a top… And, I’m totally okay with that! But, she is! It’s just hidden behind the bouquet.
I mean… THAT’S a fucking KISS! And, I LOVE it! Right? (OMG!! I even write the word RIGHT! I’m supposed to work on saying that word less according to the Bitchless Bride podcast!) Anyway, meet Stacy + David, the B+G, who lost everything they owned in a house fire a year before they said “I do”. Bridey, imagine losing your home, your belongings, and having to completely rebuild while planning your nuptials. YIKES! Such a sad and difficult time… So, it’s not surprising to me that one evening, as they sat on the porch, watching as the sun disappeared behind the horizon, they decided it would be a beautiful experience to get married at sunset. Fast forward to a Tuesday in August, S+D were married an intimate ceremony on the family property. The only guests in attendance were close family and friends, seated in white chairs next to a pond, and below a weeping willow tree.
Bridey, you know that I tend to go on and on about perspective on Bitchless Bride because it’s incredibly important for you recognize that you’re not only planning a wedding, but an ever after too. Right? And, just think about what this B+G had to endure before getting married, and think about how they persevered unscathed, together (literally + figuratively)… You’ll hear from Stacy throughout this post, and she’s a fucking rockstar. So, listen + learn + enjoy!
Stacy: My bouquet was stunning!! We went to the local florist (A.H.Christiansons), and asked if they could do succulents because I knew for sure I wanted those. I'm pretty laid back and wanted to go with the flow about almost everything. They did such an amazing job taking the multiple different photo ideas I took to them, and made my unique bouquet. All the different flowers they used really matched our rustic and outdoor wedding so well. They also made the boutonniere have a little succulent and rose to match my bouquet.
Stacy! You’re SO super cute! I love your tattoos and your tank!
Stacy: Even though we did a super small simple wedding, I knew I still wanted the traditional wedding dress. I knew I needed a strapless dress to show off my tattoos! The dress I got was strapless, had a sweetheart neckline, and was multilayered. It had a champagne colored under layer with a layer of ivory lace and a layer of simple beading. It had a long train, but not too long. As for the groom, he is tall and skinny so we decided to get a custom tailored suit. He went with a nice grey suit and got to customize the liner and everything!
Stacy’s dad drove her to the ceremony in his restored Jeep…
WOW! Look at that stunning willow tree!!
Stacy: I could not wait to finally get married! My house is actually right next to my grandparents where we got married. My dad drove me over in his old, blue jeep to then walk me down the isle. The best part of the day, was getting to marry my best friend with our closest family there.
These two? Phenomenal kissers!! Like, I can’t even…
OMFG with the hand on the face… Stacy + David, I LOVE you guys!!!
OB FUCK ING SES SED with those boots!!!!
Stacy: My best advise for brides to be, is bigger isn’t always better. Don't stress over the details; everything will work out. We didn’t set up our actual ceremony space until 30 minutes before the wedding due to rain. Our small intimate backyard wedding was the best thing we could have done. Not only was it mostly stress free, but it didn’t take a lot of planning or decorating. So don't stress and enjoy it! AMEN to that, Stacy!!!
Soooo… I wanted to get into the Halloween spirit without getting super Halloween-y. Because, honestly, as much as I LOVE Halloween, I’m already over it. Why? Well… I’ve already eaten way too much candy, already dressed my kids up one-hundred-fucking-times (before today), and already spent a ton of money on this holiday. So, I’m fucking done. And, I still have to get through trick-or-treating tonight!! UGH. At least there is more candy to be had, and a well hidden flask… Buuuuutttt, I did want to show you, bridey, something dark, moody, edgy and all around amazing on Halloween, and this styled shoot was a happy medium between me + Halloween.
This styled shoot features a STUNNING, tattooed bride in a black wedding dress (YES!!), a totally HOT groom, minus the traditional tux or fancy suite, and absolutely awe-inspiring details, delicious enough to steal for your own wedding. I’m OBSESSED with the décor and how it totally contradicts itself, and basically the entire gloomy yet cool backdrop of an unkept farmhouse. Remember, bridey, this is YOUR wedding! If you see something inspiring (like everything showcased below), then DO something inspiring! Enjoy!
This table is awesome! I love the “royal” chairs paired with the black goblets and gold chargers…
These days, I’m seeing SEVERAL wedding rings that aren’t rockin’ (total pun) a diamond as a center stone. Look how FAB!
Um. Hi. I love your dress. I love your makeup. And, I love everything about these photographs!!
Remember how I said “hot” groom? Yeah…
Seriously!!! That black wedding dress is truly fantastic!
STFU with the fur!!! OMG.
A giant “thank you” to Bethany Melvin for sharing this Halloween alternative, styled shoot, for me to present today on Bitchless Bride!
Photographer: Bethany Melvin Photography
Dress Designer: Nicole Miller
Invitation Designer: b.invited
Event Designer: Walker Down the Aisle
Jewelry: Sticks & Steel
Tuxedo + Mens Attire: JH & Sons
Hair + Makeup: Sabreena Frances
Floral Designer: Elaborations
Equipment Rentals: Ideal Wedding and Events
See Kristen + Ben just walking along like it’s no big thing? Like they don’t have a care in the whole wide world? Kristen is just stunningly strolling in that fucking GORGEOUS wedding dress, avoiding pelican poop, while holding the hand of her handsome husband… No big deal. Right? Wrong. Amazingly enough, the story of this B+G is much deeper than this beautiful photograph. Kristen + Ben endured a ton of drama which could have turned their wedding planning experience into a living hell, but instead, was something they got through together… Well, together, and with their wedding planner. What “hell” am I referring to? Read it from the bride herself, and then go be inspired!!
From the bride: The best advice I could give a future bride would be to hire a wedding planner (especially if you are trying to plan a destination wedding). We had some major setbacks throughout the wedding planning process- Hurricane Irma- and along with that came two changes of venue, date changes, vendor changes, guest list changes and multiple invitations. Even though you may think you don't want to spend the money, it was well worth it for my sanity. Nicole from Simply You weddings was a rock star!
Kristen! You’re incredible!! I love everything about you!!!
Bridey, are you dying over Kristen’s kickass wedding dress? I am!
OMFG. That bouquet of flowers! I’m losing my mind! WHOA!
From the bride: The most anticipated moment for me was seeing Ben, my fiancé's face, when we had the first look. It is just such a special moment to know that your about to commit to that person for life and I'm so glad Mike was able to capture that so well.
From the bride: The first time I tried on wedding dresses at Olivia Bowen bridal boutique, I knew right away that I did not want to have a traditional wedding day style. I went with the Australian based designer, Made with Love, for my gown who I feel made the ultimate dress by incorporating a natural color pattern into the dress but still the traditional feel with an all lace gown.
Bridey, remember how this is plan B??? THIS is PLAN FUCKING B!! Just look how breathtaking this ceremony is!
Sniff, sniff… I can’t get past this moment…
Cheers!!! Two for me, please!
The lighting, the venue, the wedding… OH MY!
Kristen, I LOVE your facial expression here!
From the bride: I personalized the wedding with a gourmet donut bar including fresh fried donuts and just about any topping imaginable. The self serve bar included custom"to-go" bags that read "Glazed and delicious from the new Mr and Mrs". (PS- See the date on the bags? Different than the actual wedding day. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they still used the bags with the original wedding date!)
Thank you K+B for sharing your A MAZ ING wedding (part two). It’s clear that you persevered through the cray and had an incredible wedding day!
Photographer: Freas Photography
Event Planner: Simply You
Transportation: Old Town Trolley
Cake Designer: Key West Cakes
DJ: DJ Buggy
Equipment Rentals: Keys Audio Productions, LLC
Floral Designer: Marathon Florist
Ceremony + Reception Location: Southernmost House
Hair Stylist: Bella Luxe Hair & Makeup
Bridey, you know that over the years I have strongly suggested that you hire a wedding planner no matter your budget, and no matter how large or small your wedding is? Well, I haven’t been blowing smoke up your ass. There are some seriously solid reasons to hire a wedding professional to help you with your wedding plans, logistics and the several other moving parts for your big day. And, as I have preached this sentiment over and over again on Bitchless Bride until I am fucking blue in the face, some of you still would rather wing it. And, I get it. I really, really do. We are not cheap. We feel unpractical. We feel superfluous. But, we are not. We are “fixers”, not in the Ray Donovan kind of way (we aren’t hiding any bodies or embezzling money), but in the true sense of the word, FIX. We clean up some pretty big messes, literally and figuratively, and we make sure that you never know there was a mess in the first place. And, frankly, that alone is worth our price, and then some.
I’d like to share an anecdote with you based on a recent wedding that went off without a hitch (pun absolutely intended)… Well, that’s what the B+G would tell you because they didn’t know what really happened behind the scenes. They didn’t know about how I re-iced part of their wedding cake after somebody literally rammed into it (before the B+G saw it), scooped dog shit off of the dance floor, filled a gaping hole in the floor of the tent with rocks so that ankles wouldn’t be broken, adjusted the diagram so that the tables matched the wishes of the bride (and people wouldn’t sit at the wrong table), and creatively hid some of the filthy linen that was provided by a third party vendor. Bridey, would these mishaps have ruined their day? Probably not. Would they have caused unnecessary drama and stress? Absolutely.
“Are you the wedding planner?”, she asked.
Uh-oh… That was not a good question when the face staring back at me looked frightened and mortified all wrapped up into one.
“I am.” I said confidently.
“I am SOOOOO sorry, but I just tripped and bumped into the cake.” she said with embarrassment (and fear).
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” I said as I began heading towards the cake, not knowing what I was up against.
HOLYSHITGODDAM. Yeah, that’s what I thought when I saw that fucking cake. I mean… She FELL into the cake. Seriously, I’m surprised she didn’t have frosting dripping from her elbow. Fuuuuuccckkkk…. So, I took a deep breath, remembered that I studied pastry a lifetime ago, and went into action. I borrowed a flat spatula from the caterer, stole icing from the extra cakes we had for service (the ones in which wouldn’t be seen by the guests), and fixed that cake. The guest was relieved and I was the hero that nobody would ever know existed. Phew!
“Is that shit?” asked the DJ.
“Huh?” I responded.
“Is that shit on the dance floor?” he asked (again).
“Yup. That’s shit.” I said.
SERIOUSLY? Yup. There was shit on the dance floor. Not human (THANK GOD), but dog shit. In retrospect, I really shouldn’t have been surprised. We were in a GIANT tent in a beautiful backyard and there were dogs. Not running around during the wedding, but I’m thinking they went out prior to, pooped, and were then stowed in the house. Somebody must have stepped in the poop and then headed to the dance floor. UGH. So, I got a hot, wet rag, dropped it on the floor (all very casually), and pretended to dance a little bit all while wiping the shit from the floor. Certainly a new experience for me.
“There’s a hole.” a dude from catering staff said.
“In in bucket?” I couldn’t help myself!
“No. In the floor near that guest table.” he said pointing to a FUCKING hole in the floor next to a guest table (that couldn’t be moved at this point in game).
“Ugh.” I mumbled.
What to do? What to do? ROCKS! There were tons of rocks on the property that I could stuff into that fucking hole. I had pockets in my suit coat… So, my assistant and I filled our pockets with rocks, dropped them into the hole in the floor, stomped on them, and took care of a potential liability. Again, a hero that nobody would ever know about.
“The tables are backwards.” I said as the rental company was leaving.
“No they’re not.” he said.
“Look.” I said as I showed him the diagram that the bride worked her ass off on.
Yeah. Oh! That simple mistake could have cost a shitload of confusion as guests were taking their seats. So, I fixed it, and I have a large bruise to prove it.
Bridey… All of this happened on the day of the wedding. Quite frankly, there’s a few more details I could share, but those were the highlights. And, after all of that hard work + planning that went into this FABULOUS event, those “things” that happened ON THE WEDDING DAY, could have very well undone everything. We went round and round over the logistics, food, music, budget, YOUNAMEIT!!!! So, even if you’re working with a small budget, consider hiring a wedding planner as your “happiness insurance”. Can’t afford a full-time planner? Then hire a “day of” or “month of” planner to help you, and to be there on the day of your wedding so that you’re not faced with potential disaster. Got it? Good! Stay bitchless!!!
Brideys, SO sorry I haven’t posted anything inspirational or helpful this week. I’ve had my head down working on something BIG, something HUGE, something ENORMOUS! Get ready for the Bitchless Bride podcast!!!!! Yup! The Bitchless Bride podcast is launching next Thursday, October 18, 2018, and I couldn’t BE more excited! Be prepared to learn + laugh your ass off when you tune in! Oh, and feel free to share this news with anybody who will listen!!! Stay tuned… Pun 100% intended!
Bridey, if you are completely stunned by this gorgeous wedding dress off of the hanger, just wait until you see it on the bride! OMFG! And, you know that I don’t usually open with a pic of the wedding dress (nothing against wedding dresses, but a nice photograph of the B+G is always a good way to start a post!), but I seriously think this one spoke to me. And, no, I’m not drinking at my desk or smoking or vaping or whatever… I was just moved by the beautiful details. Although, once you see it ON, it’s truly magical! Anyway, Nicole + Jon wanted a low key wedding with live music. How awesome does that sound, right? Well, that’s exactly what they got.
This B+G had their decided against a traditional wedding venue, and celebrated their nuptials at a restaurant. I gotta say, I like their style. Before my hus and I decided to elope, we put a deposit down at a FAB restaurant in Boston. Because not only did we love the food and ambiance, we wanted to break away from the ballroom, and celebrate in a space that felt more like us. That’s exactly what what N+J did! Enjoy this incredibly low key yet totally fantastic wedding!
On occasion, Jon plays the bass in a wedding band…
See what I mean about the details? A MAZ ING!
The dress + the birdcage veil = STUN NING!
Just look at those fabulous bridesmaids dresses! I LOVE LOVE LOVE all of the gold, and how they’re all different!
The dress is tea length! OMG! It just keeps getting better!!
Beautiful. Such a great shot!
Lovin’ this B+G together!!!
I truly love seeing all of the guests happily dancing and celebrating with the B+G! Thank you Nicole and Jon for sharing your wedding with Bitchless Bride!
On occasion, I can get a bit corny. It’s a rare occurrence, saved only for special moments, and today is definitely one of those days. Betsy and Suliko are a super chill, super romantic couple, and I am absolutely OB SES SED with them and their awesomeness. Seriously, they are like the couple of my dreams (totally corny!). First of all, they did something I could never do… They kept their relationship private for a very long time! Right? OMFG! Usually after a first date (provided it went well), I’d be blabbing to anybody who will listen. I couldn’t imagine keeping anything quiet, let alone meeting my soulmate! But, more than the cool nature of their relationship, the B+G got married in their backyard, right in the heart of Raleigh. The best part? They moved in less than a month before their wedding day! That alone is completely badass and totally risky!
Betsy and Suliko’s gorgeous wedding was made up of only their closest friends and family (20 people), and their friend Meredith, whom they work with, became ordained so she could marry the B+G. Awwwww…. Bridey, there are so many exquisite details for you to absorb. The mismatched chairs, the twinkle lights, the food, the cakes (yes CAKES!), their dog, Olive… But, my favorite part? I love that these two stayed true the nature of their relationship, and had a super lovely, super chill at home wedding, and did it well. Enjoy!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the ceremony seating!
Olive! You’re such a cutie!!!
This truly made me laugh out loud! When Suliko went to read his vows, he pretended that they were so long they spilled to the ground. Hence the mischief! YAAAASSSS!!
They did it!! And Olive is just chillin’!
So, I have cats, and they don’t do cool shit like this.
See what I mean about the corny-factor? How could I NOT be corny about the B+G?!!
First of all, I love the blue door! Secondly, Betsy wore a stunning David's Bridal gown, and added the ribbon sash tied around her waist. LOVE IT!
The MOG, Inga, made all of this totally delicious food!
Love this beautiful, backyard table!
Love a good cake smash!
The garden gnome was a gift to Betsy from Suliko, and it kept making an appearance during the course of the evening. HAHA!
“Have a strong day.” he said. And, all I could think about as I walked away is how clever it was to say, “Have a strong day,” as opposed to, “Have a great day,” or “Have a lovely morning,”. I mean, even though I was walking towards the treadmill at the gym, prior to embarking on a super difficult boot camp session, and, oh, the dude who uttered such brilliance was a trainer, I’ve been thinking about it all morning… I can’t shake it and it’s dual meaning. And, I’m 100% going to steal this double entendre, and use it every chance I get. Why? Because it resinated with me. It literally moved me. It made me run faster on the treadmill, and push myself harder during boot camp, but more than anything else, it made me get out of my head, move past the bullshit I’ve been holding onto, and DECIDE to have a fucking strong day! Literally and figuratively! And, you know what, bridey? You can have a strong day too! Allow me to elaborate…
Bridey, I know that there are days when it all feels like too much. You have a job, you have responsibilities, you want to workout or spend time with your sig other, and at the same time you need to keep up with wedding planning timelines, deadlines, and targets. Annnnnndddd…. On top of all of that, there are quite a few factors that make you feel like shit while wedding planning; shit that depletes your strength and makes you feel like crawling into bed, hiding under the covers and sleeping until it’s all over. Am I right? A lot of things can make you feel like shit, and they range in decibels as they echo over and over in your head. So, why don’t we focus on the top five (so that your head doesn’t explode)? Because as much as I hate to admit it, there are way too many wedding planning woes that can fuck with your mojo, and by discussing the top five, hopefully we will set you up to handle the other, smaller woes that can make you feel weak, and diminish our “strong day” goals. Ready? I’m just gonna spew them out, and then give you some pointers… Family dynamics, budget, weight loss, loss of a parent and bridal party drama.
1. Why don’t we start with a big one? Family dynamics. BRUTAL for some of you… And unfortunately, without knowing the specific details, I can’t give you specific advice, but I can tell you that these problems will not fix themselves. It’s important for you to deal with the issues that arise as they happen because sitting on them will not make them go away, (nor will wishing them away). For example, if your soon to be mother-in-law is super opinionated, and attempting to recreate her wedding vicariously through you and your sig other, then squash it as quickly as it begins. How? Give her a few wedding planning jobs to do (that you either aren’t fond of doing yourself, or that you don’t particularly care about) so that she feels like she’s contributing. I’m betting that’s why she’s behaving the way that she is. Because she’s feels excluded from the big picture. Don’t underestimate the power of inclusion (or exclusion). And even though she’s not communicating this well, or the way she’s expressing herself grates on the very fibers of your soul, it’s the truth.
Look, bridey, no matter what you’re up against, oftentimes, tough family dynamics usually boil down to very simple roots; roots that were tangled a long time ago and need to be addressed with kid gloves, and carefully. So, if it was your parents tumultuous divorce, drama over the guest list, or the budget, think back to where this trouble might have stemmed from… And, handle it using the basics we learned in kindergarten. Be nice to others, include others, respect others… It’s important for you to dig deep, be STRONG, and remember why you are getting married in the first place.
2. Budget. I swear it should be a four letter word. Because it sucks, it stings, and it stinks. Seriously, don’t you wish weddings were free? Fuck yeah you do! But, the truth is that they aren’t. And the other truth is that you, bridey, don’t really have a clue what things cost because you’ve never done this before (most of you anyway). Weddings are an expensive milestone. And, staying strong during money conversations is HARD especially because most of the time it feels like you’re giving up something that you really want. Right? That’s where I need you to adjust your thinking… Every time you have to let go of something you want, just think of what you’re replacing it with…
Not enough cash for a band? Don’t worry! A great DJ will rock your wedding, and you don’t have to worry about a band learning new songs or eight vendor meals. Purchase a preowned designer wedding dress instead of buying a new one. Are most of your guests local? Awesome! Then get married on a Friday or Sunday. Most venues will work with your budget on their “off” days. You see where I’m going with this, right?
3. Losing weight. Fuuuuuuuccccckkkk! Fuck it’s hard to lose weight. You gotta measure, calculate and workout. Seriously, I’m exhausted just thinking about it! Here’s the thing. I LOVE to workout. I always have… But, I also LOVE to eat, and poorly. Well, not poorly, just sugary, boozy and carby. Is that so bad?? But, what I have come to learn is that I feel better when I eat healthy. I have more energy. I don’t feel lethargic at 3 PM. My mind is sharper.
Bridey, if you “need” to lose weight (I say need in parenthesis because a lot of the time it isn’t necessarily a necessity, but more of a desire), focus less on the number and more on how you feel when you treat your body well. Focus on getting strong. Focus on how great it feels to sweat your stress out. And then balance it with what you eat. And quit beating yourself up when you do eat sugar, booze and carbs. Just get back on track, immediately. Don’t give in to a case of the “fuck-its”. Try to make this less about sweatin’ for the weddin’ and more about living a healthy lifestyle, forever. HAVE A STRONG DAY!
4. Loss of a parent. Gulp. First of all, I am deeply sorry. I feel for you, bridey. Not having one or both of your parents present on your wedding day is difficult at best. And it sucks. And you are absolutely allowed to feel like shit about missing them as you plan your wedding. But, do your best to find a way to honor them without making yourself too sad. Because on your wedding day? They are there with you, and the last thing they’d want for you on such a big day is sadness, right? So, honor their memory and celebrate their life as you enter a new phase of yours.
5. Bridal party drama. I am literally cringing as I type. This one gets me every time because of what I have seen first hand. Here’s the thing… Don’t choose your bridal party out of obligation. I can assure you that by doing so, you are absolutely setting yourself (and the others) up for drama. Who do you want next to you on your wedding day? Who will listen, like truly listen, as you vent about your wedding plans, and care? Who will tell you that your ass isn’t right in that wedding dress, and to keep searching for one that fits you better? THOSE are the peeps you want by your side! And if that means that your sister from another mister doesn’t make the cut because she’s not reliable, forgetful and sometimes selfish, so be it. Be strong. Get ahead of it. Have a conversation with her before asking the others to stand. Stop the drama before it begins.
Bridey, I know that by simply encouraging you to have a STRONG day, doesn’t mean that you will. And, I know that some days will be harder than others. But, you are in charge of how you feel. You can choose to feel strong or weak. So any time anybody says, “Have a good day,” I want you to change that sentence in your head to, “Have a STRONG day,” and then go do it! Got it??
Bridey, did you read the title and have a mini panic attack? Did you read the title and think, “isn’t this the same person who wrote, Why Planning Your Wedding Actually IS a Full Time Job!”? Did you read the title and think, “That bitch is crazy! How can I possibly add one more thing to all of my things?!!”? Trust me, when I wrote the title of this post, I realized that I was going to have a whole lot of explaining to do! But, here’s the actual thing, we get through the shit we don’t particularly enjoy so that we can move on to the shit we really do enjoy. Right? It doesn’t matter what “it” is, because the truth is, we all need motivation to get through the hard parts of life. So, we dangle the carrot of joy in front of our eager belly when we need a push, when we need a kick in the ass, when we need to finish whatever the fuck is weighing us down so that we can focus on what truly makes us happy. And, a lot of the time? It’s the shit we do on the side... It’s our side hustle or our hobby that becomes our “temple”.
So, bridey, time to get a hobby. Get a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side (obviously in the non-cheating sense of that phrase!!). Go do something that brings you joy; that makes you happy. For some of you, that may mean making some extra cash to put towards the wedding or an over-the-top wedding dress or some extravagance related to the wedding, and for others it’s truly just for fun; an escape from the planning which will allow you to separate yourself from the stress. But, whatever the case may be, go get your hustle/hobby on. It’ll save you... from YOU. But, no matter what your hustle/hobby is, bridey, dive in. Go crazy. Let go. Allow it to seep into your soul.
When I was discussing this hustle/hobby mission of mine with one of my friends, she asked, “So, what would I do? What would your hobby be?”. And after some serious consideration, the last bite of dessert and a swig of my cocktail, I told her that if I were in the midst of wedding planning (my own wedding, not yours), I’d take a class. Something I really look forward to; something scheduled. A class like martial arts or cooking; something that built on what I had learned the previous week so that making excuses for missing my new hobby would be uncomfortable. In my early 20s, I went to culinary school to become a pastry chef (see the extremely large pic of me below in cake class), and while I completed the program, I didn’t pursue the dream (because it became clear to me that I belonged in the front-of-the-house, engaging with people, not chatting in the back-of-the-house where my colleagues simply tolerated my enthusiasm), and my skills are super rusty. I’d love to take a cake decorating class, and update my skill because when I’m in the kitchen, I’m at peace, I’m focused on what I’m doing, and the noise of the rest of the world is quiet.
That brings us back to you, bridey. What are you going to do to quiet the wedding planning noise? To be at peace? To make a little extra money? To learn something new? The options are pretty endless, seriously, just Google it, and you can see for yourself. The thing is, it has to excite you not stress you. The whole point of this is to escape, not to bring on additional stress. So, go… Get a hobby. Go hustle. Go be happy. I’m giving you permission to enjoy your life while planning your wedding… Got it? Good! Then stay Bitchless!