I don’t think there is anything worse than working with a bride who cannot get a grip on what she wants. And frankly, I'm not talking about the dumb dumbs either! (Although, oftentimes it’s the dumb dumbs that have the grandiose ideas that are just plain terrible, but at least they have a starting point.) I have worked with attorneys, doctors, dentists, marine biologists (really!)… You name it, and thinking back to our initial brainstorming sessions are enough to make me vomit all over my Tori Burch shirt! Go back to the basics girls! When somebody asks you how you envision your wedding day, and you say, “I don’t know”, we are in some serious trouble.
A little joke between us planners in “the industry” is that we are not curing cancer! We are planning details for weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, and fundraisers. We may be educated and smart, but we are not responsible for curing a disease or removing a tumor. We plan fucking weddings. It’s hard work, and grueling hours, but nowhere near the responsibility of a doctor. And while my bride may actually be curing cancer in her little blue scrubs, when I asked her what she thought about when she pictured her wedding, I got an, “I don’t know.” UGH!! Really? You got nothing?
Okay, so here are some probing questions to get the juices flowing. There are the obvious ones… have you attended a wedding where the aesthetic made you wish it was your own? What does your mother think? JUST KIDDING! Talk about bringing out the bitch! What’s your favorite color? Where have you traveled? And the not so obvious ones… What kind of vacations have did you take as a child? If you did not travel as a kid, then where did you dream about going? Do you enjoy the outdoors, or is your idea of roughing it the Holiday Inn? Where you do you buy your furniture? Are you wondering what the hell I am getting at? Here are the answers: I’m not going to dive into the obvious probes, but I will get into the more bizarre ones…
I asked about where you vacationed as a kid because as children, we have no mental boundaries… we daydream, and big… When you throw vacation into this mix, you get to the good stuff. Typically we were able to do things that we were not allowed to do at home (eating sugary cereal or a Snickers bar for breakfast comes to mind). These memories are secret, and if we can pull a few ideas from a time in your life when dreaming was an everyday occurrence and bring it to the table, we suddenly have a place to start.
When I asked about the outdoors and your furniture selection, we get to personal preference. Based on your answers, you might have an epiphany and suddenly realize that you want your reception in a beautiful country setting, but with an ultra modern feel. Or you might tell me that you hate camping, hiking is for crunchy pot smokers, and that you get all of your furniture at Design Within Reach. And I would tell you that we need a contemporary venue, extensive lighting, and horribly uncomfortable yet super cool décor.
See what I am getting at? Now, go get a piece of paper, stop being a bitch and go brainstorm!