Let's Avoid the "Concession" Stand

As I continue to nurse myself back to health after a weekend filled with way too much "nice", too much bullshit, and shoes that were a bit too high, I can't help but wonder how the fuck I got here. Actually, it's more like how the fuck YOU got here. Because last time I checked it was supposed to be your wedding... And considering all of the concessions that were made (against my best advice), I feel like we lost part of you simply by pleasing everybody else.

It makes me sad. It really does because you, bridey, are one of the good ones; you are one of the nice ones; you are the reminder that every wedding planner needs so that we can continue to keep working with the not-so-nice, crazy ones. It should have been about you and your fiancé, but after this weekend, I have to ask a simple question..."WHY?" Because although the wedding was "just amazing", and "everybody had a great time", I think it's fair to say that you would have done a few things differently. Because as much as I like you, and I liked working with you, here's the short list some shit I would have changed:

1. You shoulda had the lobster salad. Seriously... Listen, I totally understand that a few "important people" are allergic to shellfish, but that fact is, you and the hus love it, and skipping that amazing salad was a mistake. All we had to do is provide a substitution for those guests allergic to the treif (sorry, it is Rosh Hashana, so this is BB showing some respect), let the kitchen/venue know where said guest is sitting, and voilà everybody can enjoy a great first course.

I mean, c'mon brideys, I am so sick of catering to every single allergy, or gluten intolerance, or whatever other issue somebody might have... Seriously, I GET IT. And I certainly don't want to get anybody sick or even worse, but communication is the simple fix. Your menu card will explain the MENU! And the people who have food allergies or whatever, KNOW that they are allergic or can't eat gluten, and it is up to THEM to inquire about the ingredients as they do every single day of their lives. Seriously, if we continue to cater to every single allergy or issue in the room, all we'd be left serving is fucking bread and water! UGH!

2. Remember that post I wrote called "Fuck Off"? Well, we could have used a little bit of that this weekend. Did you really the groom's sister to sing during her toast? You knew she was going to do it, and you know what? It was fucking awkward. I'm sorry, but I told you it would be... I mean, it was so bad, that I had to leave the room because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for her, and for everybody witnessing it... And you had the power to put a stop to it before it even began, and you didn't. Maybe the vendor who filmed your wedding can edit her out on your copy...

3. Your makeup was terrible. I know that I sound like a caddy bitch, but really? It's your wedding, not the high school prom, and unfortunately there's nothing your photographer can do that will take the "whore" out of the bride in those pictures. I'm sorry that your friend does awful makeup. I'm sorry that you knew it (enough to talk to me about it), and still decided to go with her because you're too nice. Where were your balls? 

Anyway, I could go on and on, but she might figure BB out so I better stop (plus, am on my second G+T and you know how that goes with the truth...). Brideys, no matter what you take from this, please just do three things for me: Always trust your gut... Use your balls... Tell 'em to Fuck off!

Got it?

And the Tree Was Unhappy

Perspective is STILL a Bitch!