As a wedding planner I am pretty used to drama. In my profession I’d say that it’s almost unavoidable. Any time you bring families together, for better or worse, typically it’s an open invitation for unwanted opinions, numerous complaints and harsh judgment. As a bride and groom planning your wedding together, it’s easy to feel as though the two of you are riding an emotional roller coaster that just won’t stop until it breaks down or until one of you breaks through the restraints and fights your way off the ride. And I believe the number one argument amongst families during wedding planning is the guest list.
Recently, I posted what I thought was an absolutely incredible real wedding on Bitchless Bride. For short money and a carefully determined budget, Erica the bride and Trevor the groom put on a beautiful wedding. It was really important for them to take care of each and every guest, and by doing so they had to eliminate a good portion of the guest list to make the appropriate accommodations. You see they paid for every cent of this wedding by themselves. In fact, they were engaged for eighteen months just so they could gather enough money to fund their celebration.
And frankly, I am absolutely floored at the pure nastiness of several of the comments received on Bitchless Bride. You know why? Because the bride had the audacity to tell the truth during our interview… She describes how they (she and her groom) “pissed off a lot of people” because they were “super picky about who was invited.” They were paying for the wedding by themselves so if they didn’t really know somebody, then they didn’t want to feel obligated to invite them. Period.
Believe it or not, I tried to stay neutral. I really did... Because I recognize that feelings were hurt and the wounds are fresh. But after reviewing the 37 comments, and seeing how Erica and Trevor felt as though they had to defend their actions very publicly... I can’t stand it any longer! I feel strongly that it’s plain old fucking rude to judge how people spend their money. The bride and groom paid for the wedding all by themselves, and therefore it is up to them to determine who makes it onto the guest list, what food is served, the flavor of the cake, the style of band and who they want to celebrate with them. And if you don’t like? Too fucking bad. It's not up to you.
And seriously, don’t blatantly insult the bride and groom for standing behind their choices. If your feelings were hurt, then confront the issue and have an adult conversation with them. Don’t whine about how you didn’t receive a “thank you” note after five months, or that it’s “un-Christian” to set boundaries. It’s really simple actually; they did set boundaries, you just didn’t like the boundaries that were set. And you know what I think? I think it's more "un-Christian" to very publicly and very unhesitatingly air your dirty laundry on a fucking wedding blog (as fabulous as BB is). Because as an outsider looking in? It seems to me that those who left hateful comments completely validated the bride and groom's position that led them to make the decision that they made...
Although, I guess the authors of these tasteless and upsophisticated comments actually did me a huge favor. You see, though your impudent disrespect, you've helped me to educate brides everywhere to stand their ground. If you don't want somebody at your wedding, then there's probably good reason...
Brideys, the guest list is a tough one; it's an issue that 99% of soon to be married couples experience. As much I’d like to think that you will have the support of everybody in your life during your wedding planning, you won’t. But, it’s up to you where to set the boundaries, and what you can live with after your celebration comes and goes.