When I look at the the Bitchless Bride stats, a common search that lands people on the site is "hiding back fat in a wedding dress" or "how to eliminate back fat in a wedding dress". The reason so many of you end up on BB while conducting these searches is because I wrote an article last April called, "From Strapless to Fabulous". And honestly, it pissed some of you off, but it seemed to resonate with most of you. So, let's call this a continuation of sorts... And again, some of you are gonna hate me, but today is all about the truth, so deal with it.
1. I'm a curvy girl. I have what they classify as "hour glass" figure. I'm a size 8/10 with a little waist and a pretty fab rack. But, the price I pay for such a fine rack is occasional back fat. That's why, when given the choice, I don't usually go for a strapless dress. I would rather avoid the whole fatty back thing, and the whole pulling it up all night thing, and just choose something with a halter or some spaghetti straps, and move on. And if you feel like I do, then my advice? Just avoid the whole "I need a strapless dress for my wedding or I'm gonna die..." thing... Don't do it. Bat fat problem? GONE!! See how easy that was? Problem solved. Pick something else.
2. If you're completely hell bent on walking down the aisle in a strapless gown, then lose some weight. There, I said it. Sorry, but it's true. Goes for me too... I'm not exempt from this conversation, but because I like to eat, and I'm not getting married, I don't really count... But, you? Well, you're a different story. If you are choosing a strapless dress, then tone up! It's the only way you'll feel good walking down the aisle. Just look at the beautiful back in this picture!! Bridey, I want to make something very clear. I'm not judging. If you want to wear a strapless dress, then wear a fucking strapless dress. But, don't whine about back fat if you're not willing to do something about it.
3. Get a long veil. And a stunning one to boot... Seriously, hide that shit. Bridey, your walk down the aisle will be a whole lot less traumatic if you know that your guests are not only looking at you, but at that FAB vintage or sparkly or pink or whatever veil you're rockin'. Distract them... The reception? Well, that's a whole other story. Once you take off that kickass veil, then put on a cool shrug for your shoulders...
4. Take the cups out of your dress, and get fitted for a bra BEFORE YOU BUY THE DRESS. The cups take up space which can then push everything out thus creating a lovely roll over the top of the dress. So take 'em out. Or, ditch the bra (if you can without your boobs taking a serious nosedive). Basically, bridey? You need to create more space. So, ditch the cups, get the right damn bra or go with out it...
5. One word. Corset. When choosing your dress, pick a corset back. They are designed to adjust to you... Not the other way around. Don't like a corset? Remind you too much of Rose on the Titanic? Then see if the seamstress can lower the back of your dress.
Bridey, I hope that wasn't too much to take. My only goal is not only for you to be a happy, beautiful bride, but to FEEL like one. I don't want you worrying about back fat on your wedding day. It's the one day you should be anything but self conscious. Right? Because we all know that when we hate what we're wearing (wedding dress or otherwise), it can totally fuck with our mood, and that's the last thing you want on your wedding day! Got it? Good! Then stay Bitchless!
Image of a well toned, beautiful back via an incredible machine