Recently, one of my brides asked, "BB, what do you look for in a bride?" Really, she did. And you know what? I was fucking floored. Because as an event planner, usually I am the one grilled with questions about my role in the wedding planning process, how my fees work, and basically, if I am worth it. So, to have the tables turned caught me a bit off guard. To be safe, I asked her exactly what she meant by "what do I look for in a bride" because, frankly, I didn't want to risk offending her if I put on my Bitchless Bride hat, and actually told her the truth. But when she said, "I want to keep my friends at the end of this thing..." I thought I would go big or go home. So here's what I told her:
1. Remember to stay true to yourself. Create the wedding that is right for you and your sig other and forget everything else. I say it all of the time, but it's worth repeating. Ignore the noise. Politely nod when you receive unsolicited advice and move on. I mean, if you actually took every piece of advice given to you during your engagement, then your wedding would literally be about everybody else except you (two)!!
2. Be kind. Be kind to your bridesmaids. Be kind to your family. Be kind to your vendors. Most of all? Be kind to your fiancé. Bridey, I can assure you that you will get so much more joy (and help for that matter) if you're kind those around you. Remember, talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. So show the people who are important to you that they are in fact important to you.
Let your bridesmaids off the hook. Give them a color and let them pick out their own dresses or throw a party for them as opposed to a bachelorette party. Nothing big, just a token of your appreciation. If your mom is driving you bananas, then assign her a task that she can own; one that you really don't care about, but is important to her. Ask your vendors for their guidance, don't demand it. Share your thoughts on what they have suggested, and then listen don't bark. Spoil the shit out of your fiancé. Do something nice for him (or her) for no reason. See what I'm getting at here, bridey? Whatever you put out there, you get back.
3. Just let it go. I'm talking about the small annoying bullshit that sometimes presents itself. If you hold on to everything, you're going to burst and ultimately throw a complete bitch fit. So, just let it go... Remind yourself that you are still going to be married even if things don't go exactly as planned. It's okay to feel stressed and overwhelmed, but holding on to it makes it worse.
4. Take care of yourself. Seriously. Carve out some you time, and make it a non-negotiable part of your day. If that means reading a shitty romance novel or having a good cry while watching Lifetime, then so be it. Just do it. You can't be in wedding mode all of the time. You'll go coo coo, and won't be any good to those around you.
5. Eat some cake. I'm not joking. And not just at your wedding cake tasting. Indulge, bridey! It's okay. I promise! Yes, I know that you are sweatin' for the weddin' or on some crazy diet, but every now and again, you've got to enjoy yourself, and put the control freak away.
Well, that pretty much sums it up. That's what I look for in a bride. The way she treats those around her is usually a huge glimpse of the person I get to spend the next year or so with...
What do you think, bridey? Tell me what you are doing to be a FABULOUS bride! I want to know, so please share your awesomeness!
Image via We Are A Beginning