By the time you read this, I will be 37 years old. Wow... Could I be more dramatic? But, seriously, I feel like I just got married, and my trip down the aisle was ten years ago! TEN FUCKING YEARS! Oh my God! I was 27!! And maybe I'm still obsessed with weddings because I'm in "the industry", and all I do is eat, breathe and sleep it, or maybe it's because I eloped and never had a wedding to call my own, but no matter what, it still feels like my "wedding" was yesterday. The only difference? My perspective is completely different than it was ten years ago. And you know what? I lucked the fuck out.
Why am I so lucky? Well, see the pic? That's the card my hus got for me for my birthday (along with these...). And when I met this guy, I wasn't ready at all. Like... AT ALL!! Fast forward fourteen years later (we were together four years before he proposed)... Dude is the father of my child, responsible for several (almost painful) belly laughs and putting up with my bullshit. When I really think about it, we are light years away from where we were on our wedding day. And for some reason my birthday got me thinking about how different life is now, than before even having started with a solid foundation before we said "I do."
I'd say that the absolutely scariest part of my marriage was when my hus nearly died less than a year after we got married. We thought he had pneumonia, but it was actually several pulmonary embolisms which had traveled through his heart and landed in his lungs. Yeah... that was impossibly unnerving, and thankfully he's okay, but holy shit. You start living life differently when something like that happens; you choose to focus more on what really matters in your life and ditch all the stupid bullshit that means nothing. His "near miss" certainly shaped our relationship, and definitely shaped my outlook.
Oh! And that kid I mentioned? My daughter? She's via IVF. Yeah, she's my 'lil test tube baby. Something wasn't working correctly with his parts or mine (we were what the experts considered "undefined"), and had to undergo fertility treatment so that I could get pregnant. And let me tell you... That'll take the joy out of your sex life! But, obviously it was well worth it. But, really? I spent a good portion of my 20s trying not to get pregnant, and when I actually do want to get knocked up in my 30s, I can't? That's just not fair. Crazy thing? The experience definitely brought the hus and I closer together. And I feel strongly that we got through it because of our solid foundation and because we both knew it was going to be worth it.
Where am I going with all of this besides a self-therapeutic writing session? Well, what I am trying to say is that sometimes we all need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Bridey, your perfect wedding? It can all turn to shit if you aren't in it for what happens after you walk down the aisle. If you're focusing on the minutia and getting bent out of shape with each detail of your upcoming nuptials, then you better brace yourself for the life you are going to live following the big day; the shit you can't control, the shit that doesn't follow a timeline or match your flowers. Because if you lose sight of your relationship for one minute while planning what's supposed to be the best day of your life, then you are risking your foundation and the walls could come crashing down...