Bridey, I gotta ask you a question... Who's in charge? Who's wearing the pants? And, I'm not talking about your relationship with your sig other. Not only is it none of my business, but I don't give a shit. (I mean... For the sake of womankind, I hope it's an equal partnership, but again, none of my biz.) How you manage your relationship is your business, but what is my business is managing the details of your wedding. So, when your soon-to-be MIL calls me (or the venue, or the florist, or DJ, or the band, or the caterer... you see where I'm going with this), and wants to make significant changes to items we've worked hard putting in place, I get a li'l nervous. Therefore, I need to know, who's in charge?
Yesterday, I was boozy brunching with a friend of mine (God I missed mimosas while I was pregnant!), and when I told her about Bitchless Bride, she starting sharing some crazy-ass stories with me (that's usually the reaction I get when I tell people about BB). Anyway, she told me how a friend of hers had some serious issues with her MIL as she was planning her wedding. You're gonna want to sit down, bridey... Trust me.
So, this poor woman's MIL had the audacity to call the bakery and change the flavor and design of the fucking wedding cake. OMG! What the fuck is that about? Right? And, for some of you, the cake is like Holy Grail. It's the one thing you care about the most. You've invested tons of time and energy selecting the particulars, and then this bitch makes a single call and ruins it. Unfortunately, as I mentioned to my friend, this sort of thing is not super uncommon if boundaries haven't been put in place from the get-go. Bridey, a word of advice? The second after you tell your fam that you're engaged, start establishing wedding planning boundaries!
In August of 2014, I wrote a "Five Ways to Get Your Parents Under Control While Planning Your Wedding". Do yourself a favor, bridey, go read this post (over and over again). Because the story my friend told me about the MIL from hell is simply history repeating itself. And the crazy thing is, it is possible that this woman thought she was helping, not hurting, when she called the bakery. No, really, I've seen it happen. I've had it happen, and since then, I began asking the bride (or whomever hired me), who I should listen to when it comes to decision making because the last place I want to be is in the middle. Seriously, they don't call it monkey in the middle for nothing, bridey. Shit like this puts your vendors in a horrible situation. They become the monkey in the middle; jumping around trying to please everybody, and it's a lose lose situation.
So, bridey, how to overcome this? Go read my post from last August, establish boundaries with your parents, parents-in-law (or anybody else who feels like they are in the drivers seat) from THE BEGINNING, and share the chain of command with your vendors. Sound like a plan? Good! Get to it!
Image via SANS Magazine (my new fave place to read!!)