The other day, I tweeted that I've been brunching so much that I really think I am subconsciously aspiring to be a "lady who lunches". But, how could I leave all of this? (I say super sarcastically...) Leave all of you? I mean, what would my life be like without you crazy bitch brideys? The truth is, I couldn't leave planning (and know how to function). And, that fact became brutally clear to me during brunch yesterday as I was surrounded by some of my favorite peeps in the whole wide world. Actually, not the whole wide world, but in my world; "the industry". You see, all of us work in hotels or private planning and deal with the craziness of the hospitality culture, the constant need to say "yes", and the brutal hours. But, as we got to talking it became clear to me what I needed to write about today. You! And, your cray cray attitude.
Bridey, based on the anecdotes and sheer hilarity that took place during brunch, I thought I would give you a few tips on how not to be mental while planning your wedding! So, here it goes...:
10 Behavioral Characteristics to Avoid While Planning Your Wedding:
1. Entitlement: Bitch, please... I don't work for you; I am attempting to work with you. I am your vendor. I am the chick busting my ass at a fancy hotel, or country club or I'm a private event planner, photographer, DJ or or or... And all I am trying to do is help you achieve "the dream". So, knock off the bullshit, drop the entitlement, and let me do my job... Without hating you. Trust me, nothing pisses us off more than some bitch who thinks she is better than the rest of the world. You'll get more out of your vendors if you're nice. PERIOD.
2. Moodiness: Look, we're women... And, I've heard that we tend to get a bit moody when we're stressed. Right? But, as your vendor, I am not your punching bag or your Xanax. And you know what? I can be just as moody as you, bridey, but I have mastered the concept of "faking until I make it". Have you?
3. Perfectionism: I strive for perfection too (um, I'm what they call super detail oriented), bridey, but I also know when my best is good enough. And, I suggest you start learning how to do the same. It's really amazing, but you can have the "perfect" wedding day, and still have shit go wrong. Seriously, I think every single recently married bride will tell you the same thing. And, I know that with the amount of money you're spending, comes pressure for perfection, but please remember, above everything else, comes the person you are marrying...
4. Irrationalism: Do I really need to say more? Bridey, when you feel yourself starting to go off of the deep end, go for a walk, workout, get your nails done or whatever... Basically? Take a break and use the time to think things through. I promise, the craziness will pass if you give it chance. But, you gotta give a little.
5. Procrastination: Procrastination fucks us all up. Your wedding vendors, that is. Bridey, if you procrastinate, then it slows down the entire process for all of your wedding vendors. It's a total domino effect, and it all starts with you. For instance, if you need to make a decision regarding your floral arrangements, do it. Now. If not, you may not get what you want on your wedding day. And, then you put your florist in the position to rush an order or feel as though she is harassing the bride. Not good. (And, not for nothing, but, if you're renting linen, a lot will depend on your arrangements, etc., hence the domino effect...)
6. Indecisiveness: Indecisiveness can be just as annoying as procrastination. It's like you're procrastinating because you're indecisive, and, that's fucking annoying. So, my advice? Stick with the vision you started with when you first began planning your wedding. Don't stray if you know you tend to be indecisive. Because, you'll just end up at square one, and so will your vendors.
7. Pretentiousness: Another one that I feel like I shouldn't have to expand too much on... In a nutshell, I don't care how much money you have. And, some of you have a lot. That's great! Wish it were me, but do me a favor. Please don't say shit like "It's only money," or "Daddy, I just have to have chandeliers dangling over all of the tables," and mean it!!! UGH! Really? If you must, then do it out of earshot of your vendors. Because you just come off like a spoiled little girl, and that makes us want to punch you.
8. Vanity: I get that you are trying to fit into a FAB gown, bridey, but please don't let your vanity get in the way of your friendships (ahem, telling your bridesmaids how to look) or wedding planning (I had a bride skip an appointment with me because she had to do another class at the gym, and then told me about it!). I promise, you are going to look beautiful on your wedding day. Please, put your vanity into perspective.
9. Unresponsiveness: This gives me rage. Frankly? When your wedding day is quickly approaching, and I (and every vendor you're working with) can't find you to finalize the details, I fantasize about firing you. Bridey, you have the final say, and when you disappear because you either "can't deal" or "needed some time to think (WHHAAAA???)" then you are putting all of the details in jeopardy, and it's your fault. So communicate!!! I mean... You TOTALLY expect a fast answer out of me when you are in the midst of planning... RIGHT?
10. Selfishness: Don't forget common courtesy. It's not always about you all of the time. All of your vendors are trying to help you while at the same time, balancing other clients too. Please, be respectful. A simple "thank you" or acknowledgment goes a long way. And, sometimes that acknowledgement is recognizing that you can't be first in line all of the time.
Bridey, I hope these ten points resignate with you. Please absorb, and avoid these behavioral characteristics at all costs. Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!!!
Image via Event Savings Specialists