I was cornered, but completely fascinated. I was stuck, but I didn’t care. And I froze when she said, ‘I’ll alienate all of my clients by telling them the truth.” Upon digesting the breadth of her confession, I literally bowed down to her. And, after a good belly laugh, we toasted and I was on my way. Bridey, I LOVE when this shit happens, and frankly, it happens all the time. Fellow wedding vendors discover who I am, and the truth behind my blog, and then spill their innermost bridal-fessions to me. I swear, more often than not, I should be sitting behind a screen taking confession instead of sitting behind a computer screen! In this particular case, I was actually on vacation, tropical drink in hand, and happened to start chatting with a woman who shared my machoism for the hospitality industry.
Here’s the thing… I'm not afraid of alienation because I'm just being honest, and by now, you’ve come to expect from of me, right, bridey? And, since I started Bitchless Bride over five years ago, I cannot even begin to share the magnitude of comments, stories, and tales from wedding vendors from all over the county (and world) about what they hate about their brides. Curious? If not, you should be! C’mon, don’t you want to know the top five reasons why your wedding vendors don’t like you? Well, here they are whether your like it or not… Ahem:
1. You never want to pay us what we’re worth. It’s crazy, I have written about this a bazillion times, and every time I do, I get so fucking irritated. I simply don’t get it. In most industries, you pay what you pay, and that’s that. But, the hospitality industry? Well, somehow, our fees are a constant negotiation. Or, we’re expected to “throw it in” for free. Don't get me wrong, we all know that we're in hospitality, and service is our “thing”, but so often that service orientated behavior gets translated in the bridal filter from “this is my fee and I am worth it” to, “blah blah blah, cheaper”. Well, enough is enough! You want to talk about truth, bridey? Here’s one. You get what you pay for. PERIOD.
2. You constantly tell us how to do our jobs. Bridey, I think the easiest way for you to feel our pain here is to give you an example. Have you ever had to report to a new boss in a job you’ve had for a while? Sucks, doesn’t it? And, you know how sometimes you’re dying to roll your eyes because they don’t know shit about the project or culture or whatever, and yet suddenly you’re being told to about how to do something you’ve done a million times? Welcome. Welcome to the life of a wedding vendor. Your micromanagement is annoying and unnecessary. If you’ve done your homework in choosing the right vendor, then you shouldn’t feel the need to tell us how to do what we do. So, just don’t.
3. You don’t listen to our advice. This one really pisses me off. Seriously, I hire people to help me do things I don’t know how to do (or don’t do well), and I listen to them because they are the professionals, and I am not. It’s as simple as that. Or at the very least, it should be. Bridey, you hired us. Therefore, you need to listen to us. And, no it’s not an ego thing, it’s an experience thing. We’re either trying to save you time or money or both, and you waste all of it by not taking our advice. The worst part is that it burdens everybody when you stray from the people you hired to trust. So, please listen our advice!
4. You stalk us a year before your wedding, and then drag your feet when we need you to stalk us. This is one that truly baffles me. One year before your wedding you are literally in constant contact. Whenever you have a weddingy thought, you call or email us. Whenever you have a weddingy idea, you call or email us. Whenever you have a weddingy “epiphany”, you call or email us. But…. two weeks before your wedding, when shit gets real and we need you to respond, you’re MIA. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I know that you’re busy solidifying the rest of the details, and that you’ve got a ton on your plate, but radio silence? Totally brutal for wedding vendors when it’s crunch time. Depending on our craft, we need final numbers for food, flowers, tables, lighting, etc., and when we can’t find you, the whole process comes to a complete standstill. Your silence impacts the timeline, staffing, and much much more! So, please communicate with us closer to your wedding instead of a year out, okay?
5. You bring people to your appointments. Bridey, do you bring your friends with you to your dentist appointment or waxing appointment or meetings with your financial planner, realtor, or accountant? Probably not. So, please don’t bring your friends to meetings with your wedding vendors unless they have a role in the wedding (and even then, that can be tricky). Why? Well, sometimes we have to talk about money, and it can make it uncomfortable when we don’t know if the person you brought is privy to your budget. But, the biggest reason? I don’t give a fuck about their opinion, and neither should you. This is your wedding we’ve been planning together, and when you bring in “outsiders” it opens the door to suggestions and opinions that are not your own. And, depending on how close we are to your wedding, these opinions have the potential to undo so much work that has already been done. So, unless this person is crucial, meet them afterwards.
Bridey, these are only the top five reasons pulled from five years of comments, stories, anecdotes, etc. from Bitchless Bride’s inception. If I took the time to sit down and pool all of information? Well, let’s just say that next time, it’ll be in a book, not an article.
Photo by Scott Webb