When Starting Your Wedding Planning Feels Insurmountable… Why Starting in the Middle (or at the End) Can Change your Perspective… A Personal Anecdote + Some Advice

“UGH!!! I’m so FRUSTRATED!“ I whined loudly. “I have the idea, I know what I want to say, but I cannot get it out of my head and onto the fucking paper.” I said banging my head on the desk

“So, don’t start at the beginning.” My husband said causally. “Start in the middle or at the end.

“Oh my God! You’re a fucking genius. Why didn’t I think of that?” I said. 

“Because, I’m smarter than you.” he teased.

But, the thing is, I did. I did think about starting in the middle; just not for the project I was struggling to begin... I thought about that for you, bridey, in an earlier post about quitting your wedding planning. But, this recent stroke of genius (thanks to my hus) got me thinking that perhaps I should help you to change your perspective. Change your focus, and start your wedding planning from the middle instead of from the beginning. Or at the end instead of the middle. Or at the beginning because that is what works for you. I mean, sure there’s etiquette, and timelines and “suggestions”, but if it doesn’t work for you, then fuck it! It really doesn’t matter where you start. Start wherever the inspiration is flowing. Just start. That’s what I did, and it totally worked. 

Just like you, bridey, I felt (and still feel) completely overwhelmed by this project because I’ve never done it before, and I really have no idea what I’m doing. I’m in unfamiliar territory, and hot damn is it uncomfortable! Right??! And, although we’re in the midst of two completely different obstacles, it’s an obstacle nonetheless. But, starting in the middle changed my trajectory, it changed my path, it made this project feel like something I could absolutely accomplish, but at my pace and in my own way. 

It felt a lot like when I started the BB podcast. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Like zero idea. I knew I wanted to host my own show, and say whatever felt right (for me, but more so for you, bridey), and this was how I was going to do it. Over the years, I had been in bed with a few networks, trying like mad to bring Bitchless Bride to TV, but their fear of out-of-the-box concepts and something different than what’s already out there stifled my dreams, and my dream for you. So, I took the plunge! I jumped right in. And, I hired professionals to make it sound FAB, edit + produce it, and now it’s all mine. 

So, now, I’m starting this new and extremely intimidating project (attempting to write a pretty cool wedding show with a kickass production company), and it’s scary. And, until my hus suggested that I start in the middle, the struggle was VERY real. But, then I started. In the fucking middle!! And, unlike the podcast, where I jumped (more like leapt into a trust fall), this needed some more finessing, more thought, and a lot more structure (if you listen to my podcast, you know what I mean!). 

So, my advice for you, bridey? Listen to yourself. Where do YOU want to begin? What part of your wedding planning excites you? Then start there! You’ll be amazed at how quickly that excitement morphs into the planning the next step, and the next and the next. Your own excitement can be self-contagious (think I just made that up!). It will push you forward, and you may even enjoy the process! Just be sure that if you have your heart set on a particular venue/band/photographer, to give yourself enough time to secure them or that you’re date flexible (i.e.: Friday, Sunday or off season). Otherwise, dive in! Got it? Good! Then stay Bitchless!

Photo by Heather Miller on Unsplash