Brideys, I was going to do a funny and educational throwback today, but after absorbing the enormity of the news and attempting to explain why people do the crazy shit they do to my seven-year-old daughter, I thought I’d go a bit deeper and remind you how important it is to embrace perspective while planning your wedding. And not that a school shooting or people needlessly dying is a direct correlation, because it doesn’t even begin to touch that kind of emotion, but it IS a direct correlation as to how you can go about planning your wedding day; with love, kindness and clarity. Clarity is key. You’re getting married, and therefore you should celebrate your love. But, do it with kindness. Do it with respect. Do it with tenderness.
Sadly, we’ve continually been reminded (over and over again) how precious life is, and how little control we have over our destiny. And I hate that it takes awful occurrences like a school shooting to readjust our thinking and for us to love harder and be kinder. I hate that I worked so hard to have my children (thanks to IVF), and now I live in fear every.single.day. for their safety. I’m afraid I won’t be able to protect them from a pissed off, deranged individual with a gun. I’m afraid that if I teach my girl to be strong and stand up for herself that she’ll have to answer to a bullet. I’m afraid that if I don’t, she’ll have to answer to a bullet. Honestly, I’m just afraid.
Bridey, I want to make it clear that I am not minimizing how important it is to celebrate the union of two people who love each other. I know how stressful and expensive planning a wedding is. But, I also want to make it clear that it’s not the only hurdle you and your partner are going to have to overcome. Every day, it’s becoming more and more apparent that you are about to embark on a shaky future with no guarantees, and it’s important that your foundation as a couple is in tact so that when you have to explain that “not everyone is good” to your children, you can do it as a union. A solid, strong union. And on those days, those terrible, terrible days... You'll be grateful for the person, not the party.
Because your wedding? It’s only the beginning. And it doesn’t matter if you’re spending $5,000 or $50,000 or $500,000. Just remember that when the party is over, you are responsible for cheering yourselves on, even when it’s hard and sad and unbearable. I want you to look back on your wedding planning experience and your wedding day knowing that you made those around you, and involved, feel loved and respected. Because anything can happen at any time… So be kind. Be compassionate. Be strong. And plan on... Gently.
Image via The Liberty Block