Relationships

Practice Makes Perfect?

I can’t seem to get a conversation I had with one of my grooms out of my head, so I thought I’d share it with you. And brideys, you might want to sit down for this one because I’m guessing that this might hit a nerve… 

A few weeks ago I was meeting with a lovely young couple (like 25 years old young) getting married next spring. And after we finished discussing the details, the bride excused herself to “go pee”. When I looked up from my notes, I seriously thought the groom was going to lean in for a kiss because he was practically on top of me.

She’s Always a “Lady” to Me

I want to stand up and applaud. I want to stand up and cheer. I want to jump up and down. You know why? Because of “Lady V”. Who? “Lady V”… She wrote a brutally honest response to a post BB wrote called “The Problem Planner”, and I need you, bridey to understand her point of view. You see, she works for a five star resort, and if you are getting married at a high-end venue or five star hotel, then I need you to think about her words when you feel your verbal vomit bubbling up.

Stay Together... Not Just Forever

I woke up incredibly annoyed this morning. I don’t really know why, but I am, so bear with me as I write what will probably turn out to be more of a rant than a post. You see, I’ve been thinking a lot… too much actually about what I do for a living and how people who are not in “the industry” ALWAYS glorify what my job is really like. People constantly say that I should write a book based on how much crazy shit I have seen and continue to see at weddings. And you know what? Instead of a book, I prefer the Bitchless Bride blog. Because with this blog (I thee wed… HA! Sorry! It was there, so I took it!) I am able to educate you brideys and still reap the cathartic benefits of writing (which I desperately need today). But at the same time, your education is IMMEDIATE and free. And here’s another educational series for you to digest as BB continues to educate you on bitch prevention, and this time it’s about staying together.

Family Management 101

I kinda can’t believe that I even have to write about this, but there is a disturbing new trend in fucking wedding la la land that is really bothering me. This message is for you, bridey… Tell your family that they don’t belong at your engagement! Tell them to stop. Right now. Because it is not appropriate for them to be there the MOMENT you get engaged. Literally. The moment. ‘Cause when your man builds up the courage to ask for your hand in marriage, it should not turn into an open forum for your family to take over

Give it to Me Brideys

Sometimes a girl just needs to get laid. We need to get our “swerve” on. We want your hands on our bodies, and your mouth… well; you get the picture (sorry dad!). So, we put on some sexy music, light those scented candles and go to town. But, before I get all hot and bothered, I better get to the point! Basically, I want to talk about sex. Clearly. But, I want to hear about your sex.

Grooms and Your Bottom... Line

Does this sound familiar to you? You have all of the details planned, you are about to sign on the dotted line for 10K worth of absolutely stunning linen, chiavari chairs and stemware when out of nowhere, the groom swoops in and squashes your dream with his mighty checkbook (duh, I know nobody actually writes checks anymore, but it sounded better, okay?).

I know the feeling… You see as a planner, I see this ALL the time! And no matter how many times I tell you ladies to enlighten your grooms about the REAL budget, somehow you fuck it up. So, we go on several appointments, and the bride says, “Yeah, yeah… this is amazing. Let’s move forward with our design”.  And right as we get to the “alter”, the dream fizzles because the groom looks at the price tag and says, “No fucking way am I spending 10K tablecloths”!

Groomzilla

So you all know how BB feels about bridezillas, or at least asking if you are behaving like one, but one subject that often gets missed because “the industry” is so wrapped up with the bride, is the groom. And grooms can behave badly too. In fact, on the day of the wedding, sometimes it’s the GROOM who can be the pain in the ass of any wedding planner, venue manager, or caterer. And as we stated in our post for OneWed today, the groom may have a good reason… he’s lost.

Fifty Shades of... Red

He was gorgeous. Like jaw-droppingly handsome. With piercing blue eyes, dark hair and perfect teeth all I kept thinking at the tasting was how badly I wanted to crawl under the table and… NOOOOAAAA! Gross. I was going with, crawl under the table and HIDE! Get your “Fifty Shades of Grey” minds outta the gutter. Seriously. I’m not E L James (because if I was, the book woulda been written much better… just sayin’).

Here Comes the (800 Pound) Bride

Bridey’s… you and I have talked a great deal about losing weight before your wedding, which dress is best for you and your body, and extreme weight loss via the nasogastric tube, but this story is one that will shock the shit out of you… Yesterday on the Dr. Phill show, he interviewed a bride to be who was trying to GAIN weight. Yes, you read that correctly.

"Duel" Maid of Honors

Story Submitted by "Misery Maid"

I was very surprised when a friend asked me to be her "Co-Maid of Honor." First of all, at that point we were seeing each other maybe 3 times a year despite living in the same city, and secondly, I'd never heard of a CO-Maid of Honor. Turns out, there's a good reason for that!

Oh Pam

So, I was watching reruns of The Office recently, and the one where Pam and Jim get married came on. This is probably the best episode for all of you soon to be brides. If fact, if you haven’t seen, then go watch it. At one point during the episode, Pam says, “This was supposed to be our day; why’d we invite all of these people?” Um, yeah… I hear this quite a bit, and I’m sick of it! Stop being a wussy with a capital “P”, and do something about it!