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    Thank You for Having Sex

    Let me set the scene… I really want you to be able to visualize this in your minds eye. I want you to feel as uncomfortable as every guest in this beautiful venue felt as they listened to this poor chump deliver his toast. Picture a VERY conservative crowd of wasps sipping their very expensive champagne as the best man takes the microphone for his toast. He turns to the parents of the groom, and says, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I just want to thank you for having sex.” No really… this was the start of the worst, most uncomfortable best man toasts I have ever had to watch. Outside of the blatant disrespect he showed towards the bride and groom, I looked around the room at the guests who were literally shifting uneasily in their chiavary chairs wishing they could crawl under my beautiful square tables. I WISH this wedding was being filmed! Woulda loved to have seen this again!

    Take this advice and run with it… KNOW the gist of what is going to be said in any of the toasts at your wedding. I’m not saying that you need to ruin the joy of receiving a lovely toast by knowing each and every word, but have a general idea of the content so that there are no surprises like this at your wedding. You know your maid of honor and best man. Can they be trusted with a microphone? Really think about this because I worked my tail off with the bride preparing the details for her wedding, and you know what everybody remembers most about it? Yeah… the fucking best man toast. Hell, it’s what I remember, and I planned it! 

    Also, don’t forget to have a conversation with your planner, DJ or band about WHO gets to have air time. You don’t want your notoriously drunk uncle getting a hold of that mic! You need to be clear about toasting requests. If they are not on the list, then uncle Jack does not toast. Period the end.

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    Reader Comments (2)

    Was the best man on drugs? Such poor etiquette. I feel badly for the bride, she must have been mortified. The only issue I have with this piece is that while I think it is a good idea to have a conversation with whomever is performing the entertainment for the wedding about who gets to talk, I don't think it's fair that others can't give a quick "happy for the two of you" toast. I want everybody to have the chance to speak at my wedding if they feel the desire.

    April 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSkol to That

    These toasts are like train wrecks. Horrible, but you can't look away. I have seen a number of them over the year. The best man that rambles on about their days playing some sport in high school and how he is going to miss hanging out with his buddy now that he is married. The best man who gives details about what happened at the bachelor party. The best man who thinks he is really funny but is just telling horribly crude jokes that make everyone uncomfortable. The best man who has an obvious crush on the groom...Bridesmaids/Maids of Honor are not exempt. I've had several where the subtext of "I am upset that you found a guy before me" was thinly veiled.

    I agree, you should have an idea what they are going to talk about. You should also talk to the DJ about having some sort of 'cut off' in case someone is going on too long/uncomfortably. A good DJ or MC can find an appropriate spot to bring down the microphone and cut them off. I also agree that there should be a list of "do not let these people touch the mic". We have one of those in our circle of friends. He still thinks he gave an epic toast at one wedding where all he was doing was mumbling incoherently.

    May 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCasey Fatchett

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