Yeah, I said it. Swamp ass. One of my more vocal brides once told me she had “swamp ass” after a long stretch of dancing. For those of you classy girls, “swamp ass” means that your butt is sweating underneath that beautiful, multi-layered wedding dress of yours. How can we fix this problem? Don’t wear lacy thong panties that will be used to lure your husband into consummating your marriage later that night. Wear full cotton briefs and change later. The cotton will absorb the sweat, and you will be much more comfortable. Besides… most couples tell me that they don’t “do it” until the next morning anyway. Yes, they tell me. I don’t know why… Just quit being a bitch and change your panties!