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    Tuesday
    Nov272012

    5 Myths About Grooms that Never Fail to Make Me Want to Bang my Head Against a Wall...

    ***STORY SUBMITTED BY NEWLYWED, KAREN ROSE***

    Dear BB,

    I am absolutely itching to get a rant off my chest about being grateful for grooms. Here it is…

    As a newlywed whose groom was super helpful during the wedding planning of our (key word being our) wedding, I feel the need to say a few words (see: rant) in defense of under appreciated hubbies-to-be everywhere. While I’m eternally grateful to my man for all his help leading up to the big day, it seems that not only are grooms totally underrated when it comes to wedding planning, they are often actively discouraged from lending a hand!

    Here are 5 myths about grooms that never fail to make me want to bang my head against a wall...

    1. Grooms can’t dress themselves:

    I can’t even count the number of articles out there with titles like “Dress Your Groom” and “Choosing His Suit”. Maybe it’s just me, but isn't the idea that men a) don’t have a sense of style and b) can’t dress themselves a little, um, demeaning? If your man would prefer to leave the wedding attire up to you, so be it, but if he wants to pick something out himself, let him! Think of it this way: do you really want to start acting like his mother? If he’s going to need to match the style of your dress, why not just give him some guidance rather than making the decision for him? Sure, your man may admit to having zero sense of style, but then again he may have absolutely killer dress sense! Flaunt it!

    2. Grooms who help out with wedding planning are “Groomzilla”:

    If you’ve got a man who’s keen on helping out, it means he’s excited! Do cartwheels! Jump for joy! Go team! The term “Groomzilla” refers to a groom who's over the top controlling and hostile when it comes to the wedding, but it’s not applicable to a hubby-to-be who’s enthusiastic about planning the big day! More to the point, shouldn't your man be entitled to a wedding freak out once in a while too?

    3. Grooms shouldn't have a say:

    I think this attitude was best summed up by a bride-to-be acquaintance that said this to me about her groom: “I don’t understand why he thinks he has any power of veto!” Need I say more?? Sadly, when I revealed that my groom was playing an active role in the wedding planning, most people simply looked at me (goggle-eyed) and said something along the lines of, “So you’re actually letting him decide on things?” Why yes, yes I am. As the other person at the end of the altar, it’s only fair that your groom should also have a say when it comes to planning decisions. Repeat after me: it’s not just your day.

    4. Grooms don’t enjoy helping out:

    Assuming that men won’t enjoy helping out with weddingy things is old-fashioned and more then a little sexist! Of course, there are men who genuinely aren't interested in the whole idea of wedding planning, but there are also many who love being involved! Making your planning a team effort not only decreases your stress (and his) but it’s a great way to bond! There’s also the added benefit of being able to look back on your day knowing that you created it together! And don’t even start with the “oh he’s not into flowers and girly things” bit! If it’s a totally dire situation and even the pink cover of your wedding magazine offends him (problematic in itself might I add), then there are plenty of things he’ll be happy to help with (cars, anyone?).

    5. Grooms can’t groom:

    Give him some credit. Even if he does stagger out to the shops with 5 days’ worth of beard growth and wearing his three-day-old t-shirt, chances are he’s smart enough to know that this isn't appropriate for the wedding! Remember - not every man is clueless about shaving/manicures/hair care! Unless he’s just emerged from a cave, he’ll know what to do to get himself ready for the big day (he’s been having his hair cut for years now without you). This is something you shouldn't even be worrying about. Leave it to your man and trust that he’s going to scrub up beautifully for the big day!

    So brideys don’t listen when people tell you your man shouldn't be involved. Hold your head high and tell them he’s picking out your shoes.

    xxx

    Karen Rose

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    Reader Comments (11)

    can i just say APPLAUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    As a wedding planner, I totally agree! and to tell you the truth? couples that are both involved in the planning process are much more happier!! and yes, as time goes by, there are much more grooms actually enjoying being part of the planning! ;)
    applauses again!!!

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfriendly colleague

    First off, I want to say my comment is from my view point and not all men fall into this.

    Over the past 16 years, I can only count on my hands the number of responsible grooms I have serviced. Close to 100% of the weddings that walk threw my door are bride controlled and for good reason. Without fail I have brides calling me 2 weeks before weddings begging for my help getting tuxedos on short notice because the groom was giving charge to do it and never did.

    The brides who come in and book for tuxedos then hand it off to the groom also have problems, such as me calling them 2 weeks before the wedding asking why only 1 guy has been measured (and most of the time its not even the groom.) I ask the groomsmen when they were told about needing to place a tuxedo order and I get "I was just told yesterday!"

    Perhaps this is just the area I operate my stores in, it could be possible that men in other areas of the country are better at being grooms. It is also likely that the men that would be responsible down here are being repressed by the brides and I have only seen a few in 16 years.

    I'm very happy for this bride and all the other brides who have grooms able to be active and responsible.

    Tuxedo Mask
    Defender of Formal Fashion

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTuxedo Mask

    Brilliant! My husband helped all the way through our wedding planning & it meant we could share the fun of wedding fairs & picking things to lightening the load of things stressing us. It meant we could help each other & make the day personal to both of us & not just me. Yay for hubbies helping! X

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKtP

    I have to say, this post made me so happy to read! I feel really out of place when dealing with our vendors and even our wedding coordinator when they want to make it all about me. @_@ Which so throws me off when I have a groom who wants to participate every step of the way and it is, well, OUR day.

    I don't believe all the BS that likes to be promoted about the day being all about the bride, so I almost get distressed when it feels like my man is getting left behind.

    Although, I'm not going to disagree with Tuxedo Mask either. The guys may love to help with the wedding deets, but I've noticed that when it comes to informing or involving our family or wedding party, I have to light a fire under his tush. ;D

    Still, they were all great points, Karen! Thanks for a wonderful vent!

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLadydragon Queen

    Thanks for the great comments everyone!:):) xxx

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Rose

    Thanks everybody!!!! LOVE all of your comments, and am thrilled that KR wrote such an awesome post!

    XO,
    BB

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    HECK YES!! Seriously, the BEST weddings are always the ones in which the groom has a say and is involved! I think couples are definitely shifting over to the grooms being more involved nowadays, thankfully! :)

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLauren @ Every Last Detail

    AMAZING! This is such a fantastic post!
    My fiancé is playing a very active role in our wedding planning as well, and I very proud to say WE are planning OUR wedding TOGETHER. This is day is as important to him as it is to me.

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTraci

    This is a great post and completely true. My future hubby and i are planning OUR wedding. We're a team with all of it. A suggestion for "manly men"? Give them DIY projects!! My guy isn't into flowers, but when we got to our theme and what we could do, DIY anything guys are happy to do! The bigger, the better! Ours is a giant plastic table, chest, and key. Let him make it his. As for the "groomzilla", seriously, at least you know that he's happy and excited about marrying you and spending the rest of his life with you. Let him be excited!!

    November 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmber B.

    I think women tend to take a little more control over events because we know that we're the ones whose reputation is on the line if things go wrong. It's not fair, but anything that happens in our house (cleanliness, food, behavior of children) is placed at my feet, good and bad. I've overheard people make snarky comments about other hostesses but I've never heard anyone comment that the husband could have cleaned up a little more. Of course, I've also overheard people praise me for things my husband did! I did not correct them!

    November 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarta

    I completely agree! Let us men have a say, its our big day too! The groom should have just as much say as the bride!

    August 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStagorHen

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