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    "Duel" Maid of Honors

    Story Submitted by "Misery Maid"

    I was very surprised when a friend asked me to be her "Co-Maid of Honor." First of all, at that point we were seeing each other maybe 3 times a year despite living in the same city, and secondly, I'd never heard of a CO-Maid of Honor. Turns out, there's a good reason for that!

    I'd met the other “Maid” several times and always thought she'd seemed nice enough, was laid-back and super-artsy. And since I consider myself to be all of those things, I thought we’d be just fine. Turns out, people whom you can have great conversations with at a party are not always the best people to work with.

    For example, I got a save the date for the bachelorette party, BEFORE being asked if I was available that weekend. I was pissed, but took a deep breath and went about my business, because what was the point in saying anything after the dates had been sent out to all guests? But, next came the e-mail outlining her plans for the two-day bachelorette-a-thon, starting with a 6am run through Central Park, a break to go home and shower, going to the Bronx for horseback lessons, going to the Plaza for tea, going to Staten Island for croquet lessons (I did not even know such a thing existed!), hitting a sex shop for a class, and then Sunday, hitting the beach at Coney Island. This bitch basically wanted to hit every borough in one day, literally jumping all over the map, showering directly BEFORE horseback riding, and asking girls flying into NYC for this to spend their days taking trains from one end of the earth to the next (do you KNOW how long a train ride from the Bronx to downtown Manhattan to the ferry to Staten Island would take?? To quote the Sandlot, FOR-EV-ER).

    After work, I sat down to craft my response, careful not to be snarky (which is my nature), to say that while I appreciated her great ideas, perhaps we needed to narrow them down a bit in the interest of time and money. I think Kristin Wiig was seriously hiding in my studio working on her Bridesmaids script, because , FIVE SECONDS AFTER HITTING "SEND" MY PHONE WAS RINGING. The bitch was yelling about my "very hostile” email. HUH? While she was busy barking, I pulled up the e-mail I'd literally spent an hour de-snarking, and continued to ask her what exactly I'd said to offend her, reiterating my points that her ideas were fun, but maybe a little much for one day.

    I could go on and on about what a pain in the ass this girl was, and how miserable she made me throughout the lengthy wedding planning experience, but I've already bitched enough. To cut to the moral of the story, you should never have two maids of honors. While your bridal party should ideally be a group that can get along and work well together, it is not always going to happen that way- they need someone to tell them what to do when the bride can't, or to tell them that if the bride said pastel nails she fucking meant pastel nails (my co- maid was wearing her "signature" bright red nail color). 

    Brides, pick ONE friend who can handle the responsibilities implied in the maid of “honor” position, because asking someone who can't is basically promising your entire party, who are often spending plenty of time and money prepping for your big day, all sorts of drama. 

    PS - Did I mention that after spending well over a grand and about a year's worth of time on this wedding, I didn't even get a plus one? I guess there's a reason why my new engaged friend asked me to be in her party and prefaced it with "I swear it won't be like the last one!"

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    Reader Comments (8)

    Oh. My. God. I am in like the EXACT same situation. We are not dual maid of honors, but all of us bridesmaids hate the the maid of honor! She is awful! She definitely doesn't have the best interests of the bride in mind, and whenever we try to intervene with her plans or make a suggestion, she completely freaks out.

    One of our more vocal bridesmaids has spoken up, but it's really hard because you don't want to upset the bride. We all feel like we are walking around on eggshells. Don't want to create waves, but don't want to feel completely walked on either. It's really a tough spot to be in. Especially when there's still plenty of time before the wedding.

    May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTeresa

    I want to know who has two maids of honor? Just sounds like a dumb idea to me. You are basically setting yourself up for a cat fight. No way around it.

    May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDenise

    #1 This is why I hate girls...they have such a tough time getting along with each other...if there were two best men, they would get along fine and it would all go off without a hitch.

    #2 This is why there is one (maybe two if my sister can fly in) person(s) in my bridal party, no fuss, no mess!

    May 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

    I know the feeling i'm bridesmaid at a wedding of one of my closest friends and on top of having 9 bridesmaids count them NINE! she picks her sister as maid of honour which while i can understand it guess who's ended up having to mediate, prompt and organise while her sister floats around and takes the credit.

    August 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBejc

    I am having two maids of honor because I have two best friends that I love equally. There is no way I could choose between them and I wouldn't. There have not been any fights yet and I highly doubt there will be because we all have been bestfriends for years. Two maids of honor is not always a bad thing,..

    September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiChelle

    Hey Michelle,

    You're right and if that works for you, so be it. Sometimes it's just not meant to be particularly if the MOHs are from totally different places in the brides' life. Glad to hear that there haven't been any issues yet. Hopefully that will remain the case.

    Good luck! Keep BB posted!


    September 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    I had two Maids of Honor... I would NEVER do it again. It became a huge issue and I think that there is definitely a reason to only have one. I learned many things about my friends, who has patience, who understands what a wedding is about and when it came down to it i felt like I was put in between a rock and a hard place- and i ended up losing a friend over it anyway and have someone in my pictures who may never be in my life again. Sad, but true One Maid of Honor is enough for any sane bride to handle.

    September 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterwyngrrrl

    I'm co-matron of honor for a wedding (that'll be in a week and a half).... it's worked out pretty well, actually.... But really only because the other co-matron and the bride and I have all been friends for a long long time. If I didn't know my co, it'd be a disaster.
    The bride doesn't have sisters so we're getting saddled with lots of things that a MOH wouldn't normally do but you just roll with it. Main duties was that I organized and (mostly) hosted the bridal shower, which was in my town (and all three of our hometown), and the 'co' organized and mostly hosted the bachelorette party dinner. We both helped each other on each party and the bride was so pleased with both :) After all of the help she each gave us during our weddings, it was lovely to give something back. But God love her, if I'd been expected to do allllll of it, I might not be as close with the bride anymore ;) Co is nice!
    But again - the co's already have to be a team that can always communicate well together!
    .... Now to figure out how to co-toast.... Hmmm....

    April 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

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