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    Wednesday
    Jun062012

    Grooms and Your Bottom... Line

    Does this sound familiar to you? You have all of the details planned, you are about to sign on the dotted line for 10K worth of absolutely stunning linen, chiavari chairs and stemware when out of nowhere, the groom swoops in and squashes your dream with his mighty checkbook (duh, I know nobody actually writes checks anymore, but it sounded better, okay?).

    I know the feeling… You see as a planner, I see this ALL the time! And no matter how many times I tell you ladies to enlighten your grooms about the REAL budget, somehow you fuck it up. So, we go on several appointments, and the bride says, “Yeah, yeah… this is amazing. Let’s move forward with our design”.  And right as we get to the “alter”, the dream fizzles because the groom looks at the price tag and says, “No fucking way am I spending 10K tablecloths”!

    Bridey’s, this is a completely avoidable situation! Because not only is it frustrating for you to either a) go back to the drawing board or b) fight it out with your man or c) fight it out with your man and STILL go back to the drawing board, but your wedding vendors want to drop kick your ass for your indecisiveness. They are busy, and when you come in, sit for three hours designing a whole theme, and then renege because you and your groom haven’t talked about the reality of pricing, it pisses people off.

    Here’s my advice to you… Communicate! In a similar vein to our post yesterday (and our post on OneWed), communication is key when it comes to planning your wedding. It’s incredibly important that you have an HONEST conversation about what things cost. And if you aren’t sure, then fill in the blanks with the HIGHER number. Because if your groom thinks that you are going to spend 12K on the linen, etc., and the proposal comes in at 10K, then he is suddenly thrilled because you came out ahead. See what I’m saying? Hurray! 

    So, no more allowing your groom to rain on your parade! You have control over this by communicating. Consider this practice for when the conversation changes from can we afford the linen to can we afford to buy a house or have a baby. Got it?

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    Reader Comments (7)

    I have had the worst time with my fiancé and the damn budget. He is constantly doing this to my plans, and I am getting so annoyed! I truly have kept him in the loop regarding what things really cost, and blah blah blah but that doesn't stop him from freaking out when the proposals come in. Part of the problem is that the he'd rather be left out of the planning, and then when it's time for a deposit he has a heart attack!

    I really like your idea of cushioning the blow. I think I am going to try that because g-d knows I've tried everything else and he is not listening. Wish me luck!

    June 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary Beth

    Hey Mary Beth,

    Sorry to hear that your groom is giving you shit! Especially when it sounds like you've been upfront with him about what things cost, and the budget. I hate to say it, but his behavior is perfectly normal... sad, but true.

    MB, let me know how you make out with our little play on the numbers. It has worked well with some of my more vocal grooms, and BB would love to hear back from you to see how it worked on yours.

    Good luck!

    XO,
    BB

    June 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    I am having the exact same problem. My stupid fiancé is saying "no" all over the place and every time I think I am getting closer to finalizing stuff, he asks about the cost and suddenly we are fighting like crazy. BB do your couples ever fight so badly that they don't get the wedding day because of this stuff? I guess I am only half kidding because I am really upset with him. I would give your money thing a try but I think that I am totally screwed because my man is so cheap!

    June 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTatiana

    Hello Tatiana,

    I am so sorry you are having such trouble with your fiancé. Sounds like you two need to sit down, calculator in hand, and talk about a REAL budget. No matter what it is, a wedding costs money and perhaps if you educate him with some real numbers (and maybe even an example or two & possibly a picture of what he's getting), then he may stop resisting so much.

    Once my grooms understand what they are getting for their money, they usually come around. In my experience, men want to see the VALUE in the deal, whereas we girls like the pretty stuff and can forget about the budget.

    Find a happy medium, and let me know how it all works out!

    XO,
    BB

    June 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    My problem is the opposite! I'm trying to keep to a below-California-normal budget, but every five seconds it's, "Oh! This friend who I haven't spoken to since high school found me on Facebook, and we have to invite them!". Seriously? People that one hasn't talked to in decades are usually not important in the grand scheme of your life.

    Not to mention after I'd found the perfect private venue in one of our favorite beach towns at a beyond amazing price, he decided it was his dream to get married in what is probably the most expensive town in Southern California. And how can I deny his dream right? Especially when it's one of the few parts of wedding planning that he has a solid opinion on...

    June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakeCaliBride

    Hey CupcakeCaliBride,

    LOL! Am DYING over here! It IS so rare to that the groom is the one inviting more people, and securing the most expensive venue in town! I LOVE IT! And you know what? Fuck it... Enjoy it! Because there are so many grooms that either squash the dream (with the budget or something else entirely), or who have NO opinion at all which can be just as frustrating...

    Choose your fights wisely, and then fight hard!

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    XO,
    BB

    June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    HAHA! Cupcakecalibride I FEEEL YOUUUUU!
    My fiance is inviting way more friends than I can understand. My logic is that if I've never even heard of this friend since we met 4 years ago, they're not THAT important to that we have to spend $XXX amount on our wedding day to hang out.
    Our guest list is completely lopsided because he has so many groups of friends he feels must be there and they come in GROUPS so if you invite four, you have to invite the other nine.
    My fiance also insists that he must wear a full-on suit even though he hates to sweat and we live in a tropical country AND we're having an outdoor ceremony & dinner ALSO by his choice. Silly boy. And here I am trying to look for a practical short dress to combat the heat.

    April 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoni

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