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    Friday
    Aug102012

    XXX - You've Been Exposed

    I am going fucking crazy. Seriously, you'll probably think I am straight coo coo after this post, but I gotta do it... I have to expose the truth. I’m writing about this topic because I am so frustrated that nobody talks about what REALLY goes on behind the scenes of your wedding. And by “your wedding”, I’m talking about those chicks (and couples) who thrive on drama to point that it's questionable whether or not they are going to make it down the aisle 12 seconds before the fucking ceremony. So if I am getting naked, then so are you. I am exposing you, bridey, and your groom too.

    We all know these people. They are the couples that have broken up a hundred times, gotten back together a hundred times, and when you received the invitation in the mail, your first thought was most likely, "Really? I never thought they'd actually go through with it." Yeah, those fuckers. And oddly enough, it's usually those fuckers who have the dough to hire somebody like me, a wedding planner, to torture with their wedding plans... Extravagant wedding plans. Like wedding Kardashian style wedding plans... So don't fuck it up with your drama.

    A colleague of mine said it best when she said that "we are putting on the show that is your wedding". Great line, right? Because no matter how you look at it, your wedding IS a production (especially those of you with an unlimited budget). Seriously, it might as well be our production of the "Wicked" wedding and frankly we don't have time to talk you off the fucking ledge because your groom is a teeny tiny hung over, and you're SO upset that you tell him that you are not going to marry him. REALLY? Because all I gotta say is that no matter what happens today, SOMEBODY is walking down that fucking aisle, and hopefully it'll be you. You understand what I am saying to you? 

    Brideys, if this sounds like you and the sort of relationship you have with your fiancé, then leave this shit at home, because I'm busy putting on your wedding, not playing therapist. Got it?

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    Reader Comments (9)

    I was thrown by the title of this post. The word "naked" comes up in all of my consultations. I tell brides they really need to click with me before booking because I will see them naked on their wedding day. I have felt more girls up than a high school quarterback. Most get a kick out of this (good fit). Others, not so much (bad fit).

    But, getting back to the topic here, I do agree with your post. A wedding IS a production. But therapist is part of my job, like it or not. (I actually happen to like it -- most of the time. My minor in Psych comes in real handy. Plus, my years of personal therapy!)

    August 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth B.

    Hey Beth,

    Totally hear you... I have definitely had my way with several of my brides. It's really amazing how many boobs I've touched, asses I've seen and girls I've helped pee while in their wedding dress. I think more men would be planners if they knew how naked these chicks can be (including their bridesmaids)!!!

    Anyway, I don't mind the therapy aspect, really I don't... but when I am art directing the details on the day of the wedding, that's when I want to punch these drama queens in the face, tell them to get their shit together and walk down the fucking aisle. That's all...

    Thanks for your comment!

    XO,
    BB

    August 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    I love this post.

    August 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady V

    Pretty sure I may have already told you this story - but I know a wedding planner out here in Hawaii and she plans a lot of destination weddings - dramaramamaniac couple comes from Florida - loads of offshore guests - they call the whole thing off the morning of.

    I don't think people pay y'all enough to deal with that.

    August 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSara {Burnett's Boards}

    Hi Lady V,

    And I love you...

    XO,
    BB

    August 10, 2012 | Registered CommenterBitchless Bride

    Hi S,

    No they do not... I'm more of a therapist than a planner, and sometimes I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up.,.

    XO,
    BB

    August 10, 2012 | Registered CommenterBitchless Bride

    @Beth- I hope you don't mind if I steal your lithmus test. That's a genius way to suss out whether they'll click with my planning style.

    Honestly, the couples with that much drama around the wedding also tend to attract similar friends, so often the drama isn't just limited to the couple!

    August 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShayne

    Hi Shayne ~ Steal away! As long as you're not in the Chicago area. ;)

    August 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth B.

    Hey Shayne & Beth!

    I couldn't agree more! If a bride is too shy, then odds are we won't get along... Great litmus test!

    XO,
    BB

    August 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

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