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    Tuesday
    Aug072012

    The B-Team Bridesmaid... Second Choice Sucker?

    A quick and dirty story submitted by the "B-Team" Bridesmaid:

    My friend is getting married next summer. She and her fiancé are each going to have two attendants. I'm not one of the two she asked, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Attending a wedding is more fun as a guest! But then this weekend she tells me "Emily might not be able to make it to the wedding, so you might have to do it." 

    Ok miss bride, two problems: 

    1. You don't TELL your friends to be a bridesmaid, you ASK them. 
    2. No one wants to feel like they are on the B-team. If I wasn't your first choice, I'd rather not be up there at all.

    What do you think? How could the bride have handled this situation better? 

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    Reader Comments (5)

    I think the bride is definitely artless and a little rude, but the writer is also being a little sensitive. She chose two bridesmaids, not eight. You aren't really "b list," you just aren't her oldest/closest friend, or cousin or sister. You probably already know that. If you don't want to be her bridesmaid fine, tell her that you're happy to help but you'd prefer to be a guest. But, if you do want to be a bridesmaid, don't let pride stand in the way, this isn't a huge insult, just a bride who could stand to think before she talks.

    August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarta (GigMasters)

    I think the bride was rude, and it would have gone over a lot better, if she would have asked nicely... but I dont think the bridesmaid should think of herself as the B-team

    August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

    Hey ladies,

    I agree with both of you. The bride should have used a bit more finesse when she asked her friend to replace part of the "A-Team", and the bridesmaid should have recognized that it's not like she was asking her to stand in for the 8th chick that dropped out.

    Thank you for your comments!

    XO,
    BB

    August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    Cue the voice of a different opinion...eek!!! While I do agree the whole decreeing vs asking part was whack, this is a real life situation that I think some feelings are warping things a bit.

    This bride is only having 2 BM's. Look, while everyone wants to be their friends #1, lets all get real. Take a moment and take stock of your own friends & where they might fall in line for you personally with this sort of thing. If you were presented with only being able to have 2 BM's in your wedding, you would be forced into this same position. Its not like she has 8 BM's {of which your none} and then asks you to cover for one. In this case, I would understand the feeling of 'B list'

    In reality, 2 is a very small number. Most ppl have well more then 2 good friends in life. I would, instead of being insulted that you might possibly not be their very bestest friend, consider that your still very clearly one of their most important friends. You might have very well been that person that it was really really hard for her to decide against, The BM possibly being out, has now presented her with the chance to have you be a part of it where she was earlier forced to choose otherwise.

    Remember, she came to you when this came up. She didnt go else where. As well, the nature of her bringing this up to you, might be a normal way that you both have communicated in life. It might not seem odd or out of place for her to be straight forward with you about something so matter of fact that is happening to her wedding plans. I imagine if you switch, Friend X and I are going to the mall to find shoes. Friend X now prob cant go, might need you to go instead. Would you consider her rude and you a 'B list mall' friend? The simple answer, no.

    We all feel weddings are this magical thing and everything in life should suddenly take on a different shape. Not such the case. I suggest you see this a bit differently, I dont think its what you think it is.

    Xo
    Jess

    Isn't this sorta like when someone is on your B-List for wedding guest list? You aren't really supposed to let them know they weren't your first choice. I think the bride should just be more careful with her words. She should have let her friend know how much she wants her in the wedding. The way she said it makes it sound like the friend would just be filling a spot.

    August 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshley {BlushLoveWed}

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