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    Bitch! You're Fired!

    I am so fired up today. Seriously, sometimes I just want to throw in the fucking towel and scream "WE'RE THROUGH! YOU'RE FIRED!" Can I do that? Can I fire this bridey bitch? Because after an insanely frustrating year and a half of planning, I am spent. I honestly don't feel like I have it in me for another two months... And as we draw closer and closer to the wedding, I am at such odds with myself. I feel like the crazy one because although I am happy to see her wedding day come and go, in the meantime, the endless diatribe of bullshit gets bigger and bigger because she is JUST SO STRESSED about her fucking wedding. Really?

    And yes, I said a year and a half.... That's how long I have been working with by far the craziest and most likely bipolar bride who quite literally drives me to the bottle and makes me wish I never took her on as a client. But... it didn't start out that way... They never do. And because all of your bridey bitches are on your very best behavior during our initial meeting, it makes it difficult to truly determine if we are going to be a good fit. Because I want to believe you are a good person. Because I want your business. And because if I like you, then I definitely want to do an awesome job planning your wedding. But if you trick me with your cool kindness, and then unleash the bridey bitch, I hate you. And I don't want to do anything for you. Kind of a conflict of interest, right?

    Seriously, for those of you brides who are looking to hire a planner, let your true colors show from the start. Because if not, then you are just as bad as those assholes on Match.com, Jdate.com or whatever that put up a picture that was taken like ten years ago... I mean it. You might as well be that person, because if you're covering up your crazy from the start, then all you are doing is hiding behind that dated picture... And as Luigi Pirandello once said, "We think we understand each other, but we never really do." And if we don't understand each other, then how can I truly make your wedding day everything you want it to be?

    Brideys, please listen to me! Don't worry about letting the crazy show during your initial appointment. SOMEBODY will work with you, and actually that somebody might even be me. As long as I KNOW what I am in for from the get-go, then I can brace myself for what's to come. I can anticipate your craziness. I can anticipate that you are not of a sound mind and nothing we discuss (over and over again) is really going to sink in because you are not a rational person. And I can also build in an "aggravation fee" into my pricing.

    So, play fair bridey, let it all out so that everybody can make an informed decision. Okay?


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    Reader Comments (7)

    Oh man BB this bride sounds like a complete lunatic! I agree. Let it all hang out so that there are no surprises later. I am loving the analogy to the dating websites. I met my man on one of those and I unfortunately went out with a few of those guys who uses a really old picture. Not really fair is it?

    As for you BB stay strong (for the rest of us). Thank you for telling it the way it is. I read your blog every day so that I know how to behave as a bride.

    September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBridal Babe

    Hi Bridal Babe!

    I'm not gonna lie... she is! TOTAL LOONEY!!! And I am so fucking over it... UGH!

    Anyway, thanks for your comment! Glad you finally found somebody who was honest from the beginning... Because ya' know, that's always important! No matter WHAT the context!


    September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    Oh BB I feel for you! Your analogy to the dating sites cracks me up! This is how I feel about my MOG, if she had only shown me before her son and I got engaged, that she was bat shit crazy and obsessive controlling- We would have run off and eloped months ago!! Good luck with this bridey, I will have several drinks for you at my bachelorette party this weekend...which I think you should fly to Savannah and join us at! :) xoxo

    September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPattie

    Oh, BB you know I feel you on this one!! I am telling you th are some days I want to fire them, close shop or just hide under my covers. Every time the phone rings and it's "her" I start to feel ill. Good luck my friend!

    September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather V @gexpectations

    Hey Pattie & Heather!

    Thanks for your comments!

    Pattie, I would LOVE to celebrate with you at your bachelorette party this weekend, but I will be working! So, PLEASE have a giant G+T for me, and have fun! Hang in there with your MIL... It sucks, but how you handle it now will translate into the rest of your life... For reals....

    Heather, RIGHT?? I fucking DREAD the calls, emails and texts... There are just TOO many ways for her to find me... Thanks for the support!


    September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    I totally agree with you when it comes to true colors. I've been there, seen that.

    September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessica Ares

    Hey JA,

    Thank you for your comment! We've all been there... Sucks, right?

    Stay strong!


    September 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

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