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    Entries in Bride (24)

    Tuesday
    Jan192016

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Which Came First, the Bride or the Bitch?

    Bridey, the timing of this article is not an accident. With stupid Valentine's Day just around the corner (not to mention the millions of girls who were engaged over the holidays), several once well-behaved girlfriends will turn into entitled, bitchy brides-to-be. I'm not quite sure where the transition from nice, sweet girlfriend to crazy, bitch bride (aka: Bridaldemia) takes place, but there is a serious fucking breakdown somewhere, and it needs to stop. And, I, Bitchless Bride, am determined to put an end to using your newly achieved bridal status as an excuse for shit behavior. 

    But, here's the thing? Which came first, the bride or the bitch? Seriously, did these new brides start off as bitches or were they given an excuse; a free pass to be a bitch simply for being a bride? Are the newly engaged (girls) just owning up to the expected behavior that society has justified? I was thinking about this the other day when I was engaged (forgive the pun) in a super awkward conversation with a woman who knows I don't like her. Of course, my mind immediately went to, "Damn, I bet she was a real beast while planning her wedding," but, then I immediately decided that she wasn't salvageable. I'm positive that she was a bitch from the get-go. And, some of you brides start off as bitches, but I find it hard to believe that all of you do!

    Let's talk more about this "expected behavior". I believe that it all starts innocently enough. Bridey, you're engaged! YAY! It's super exciting, and the beginning of a new stage in your life. But, with that stage comes uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes fear and stress. And, when the fear and stress kick in, the little girl inside of us begins to rage. And, that is when the bitch is cut loose. However, instead of putting a leash on that crazy bitch, she's celebrated. Right? I mean, there are fucking television shows which follow this crazy bitch around, just to see how rude she'll be to the next person in her path, and that makes it okay somehow. So, why cage the animal? Right? It's okay... She's a bride... Well, you know what? Fuck that!

    It reminds me of how I was when I was pregnant. I wasn't a bitch, but I was eating for 25. I swear, I was on the cupcake and mac-n-cheese diet (and it was awesome). I mean, wasn't that expected of me? I was creating a human being for Gods sake, and needed the endurance to make him strong, right? Wrong. In reality, all I really needed was an extra 300 calories a day (like a glass of whole milk), not a whole fucking cow! But, I was pregnant, and every time I turned around somebody was excusing my behavior. Similar to how we excuse the heinous behavior so many brides. But, my cupcake addiction was a hurdle that I had to overcome once I had the baby; I wasn't hurting anybody else except myself. But, as a bride behaving badly? You're actually hurting people. 

    I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. Bridey, you have no idea how your behavior can change the course of somebody else's day, week, year or even life. I started Bitchless Bride because of how one bride made me feel. ONE BRIDE. That bitch made me question everything I had ever known professionally, and I worked with her for 16 months. SIXTEEN FUCKING MONTHS. And, based on the conversations I have had with other professionals in the wedding industry, I'm not alone. We have all had at least one bride who made us doubt how good we really are.

    So, bridey... Which bride are you going to be? Are you going to see what you can get away with because it's expected of you, or are you going to harness the bitch, and be kind? Surprisingly, it's your choice.

    Image via Wedding Bee

    Tuesday
    Dec152015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Please Don't Throw an Engagement Party Only for the Presents...

    Not gonna lie... This story horrified me. Like H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D. me. One of my esteemed colleagues in the industry told me about a bride who actually asked her to help her plan an engagement party for the sole purpose of receiving presents from her guests. I know! WHAT the fuck is that all about? I mean, I don't know this bride, but I already hate the bitch... What are we, five years old? You only want the party for the presents? Wow. Really, bridey? Talk about not respecting your guests... And, it gets worse... Just wait for it.

    Well, not only did this crazy chick want to host an engagement "party" specifically for the loot, she was only looking to spend, drumroll please.... $15/per person. OMFG! REALLY? So, in case you're not clear, this bitch was going to host a "party" with minimal food, obviously a cash bar, and no entertainment so that she and her fiancé could completely take advantage of the poor people invited to this shitty little shindig. This is an all time low for me, bridey, and it wasn't even my bride! Because if it were? I'd tell her to find a new wedding planner. 

    Let's do a little simple math, shall we? Let's say 75 guests attend the "party" (I can't help but use quotes simply because this is totally not a real party.) So, 75 x $15 = $1,125.00. Hey big spender... Really? So, basically, this girl is willing to waste everybody's time hosting a "party" (that, let's be honest, nobody wants to go to...) with like two passed hors d'oeuvres (if they're lucky) per person + a cash bar simply because she wants the presents. Seriously? What a bitch! Look, I don't care how much money you have to spend or not, bridey, but $15 per person is just not enough to call a party. PERIOD. And, this bride? Well, she clearly knows it! I mean... You're better off putting it towards your wedding and forgoing this lovely affair.

    Bridey, if you're desperate enough to pull a stunt like this, then, for the love of God, please go about it differently. Don't punish the very people you're hoping to steal, I mean receive, gifts from. Spoil them. Or at the very least, make them believe that you're spoiling them. Open your house to them, serve them some decent food and wine, and ask a friend to create an awesome playlist to set the mood for the evening. You'll spend less money, gain more respect, and get those damn presents all without offending anybody with a cheap, shitty "party".

    One question I'd be asking myself (quite seriously) if I were you, bridey, is why you're so focused on the presents? Could the need for the presents potentially be a mask for a deeper issue? Are they your reward for marrying your sig other? Is focusing on the gifts a way for both of you to receive something that you're not currently getting from each other? I know it sounds crazy, but when I hear shit like this, I have to take a hard look at the couple, and wonder what's missing? Why are they so unfulfilled? Because, the alternative? Well, it's that people really are selfish enough to throw an engagement party simply for the gifts.

    Image via Huffington Post

    Tuesday
    Oct272015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASH BACK: Gynecologically Speaking

    ***I needed a good laugh today. Soooo... I thought I would share this post from 2011 not only because it's funny, but because it's educational too. And because my mom was probably the only one reading Bitchless Bride back then, I'm assuming that most of you probably haven't seen this masterpiece. Enjoy and learn, bridey!***

    December 22, 2011:

    So, I’m just sayin’… I know that we don’t talk about the amount of sex that everybody has on his or her honeymoon, but we should. I know that you will be busy relaxing and reminiscing about your perfect wedding day on that beautiful tropical island you have jetted off to, but you will also be busy getting busy too. So be proactive! Make an appointment with your gynecologist before your trip, and ask him/her to give you a script for a UTI infection (that you fill prior to your trip) to take with you. There is nothing worse then being away from home, especially in a foreign country, and having an issue “down there”. Better safe than sorry!

    And on that note… don’t forget to take your pills, insert your birth control, use a condom, etc. You don’t want to come back from your honeymoon with more then a tan.

    Tuesday
    Oct202015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When the Bride Knows More Than Her Planner... REALLY??

    I had to share this vendor vent with you, bridey. And, I had to put it front and center because I think it's safe to say that pretty much every wedding planner I know gets frustrated when the bride (or the couple) thinks she knows more than her planner. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's fucking grounds for dropping you as a client. Seriously, bridey, don't bother hiring a wedding planner if you're going to challenge her/his every move. Do it yourself. Be a DIY bride, and I'm not talking about making your own centerpieces; I'm talking about planning your own damn wedding.

    Written by Mrs. Peacock:

    Hello! OK, so, I love your blog. As a planner, I feel like it should be required reading for all my brides and grooms. (Ahem... Me too!!) Thanks for giving us vendors a place to commiserate.

    Anyways, one of your posts - Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!, really resonated with me.

    Yes. So. Many. Times. Yes.

    How I wish I followed this advice and my own intuition with my last bride + groom. You know those couples who think that they know how to plan a wedding better than their planner does? They often go hand in hand with the my wedding has to look exactly like this million dollar wedding but at a tiny fraction of the price couple? And so often, throughout the planning, you know that these people are going to find reason to be upset about something, so what's the point in bending over backwards to try to make them happy? The type that treat you like you are their personal assistant that they have always wanted to have just to abuse? The ones who flat out refuse to listen to your (and all the other vendors!) skilled advice, and then when things don't go according to plan (just as you told them it would) precisely BECAUSE of their own ill advised choices, they berate you for it? Yeah, it was one of those couples.

    I knew I should've walked away in the early stages but I didn't because -and here's the kicker- they were friends of mine. Friends of mine who had hidden the entitled vicious privileged brat side of them very well over the years. Friends of mine who clearly viewed the roles of Bride and Groom as tyrannical King and Queen. And yes, I've learned my lesson working with friends now. But the point is, had I just walked away from what was clearly going to be a losing situation, I could've saved myself a lot of stress, time, heartache, and unfortunately, a friendship.

    - Mrs. Peacock

    ***

    Basically, bridey? If you hire a wedding planner, then it's up to you to decide to trust her/him. Make a conscious choice to trust her/him, just as you would with any other professional you hire in any other aspect of your life. If not, then plan it yourself.

    Image via Friar Tux Shop

    Tuesday
    Mar172015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride's PSA #2... Be Pleasant While You Plan

    In October of 2013, I wrote a post called Bitchless Bride's PSA. It was all about how we as a society (both in "the industry" and outside of it) tend to let the assholes win. It's like, whoever makes the most noise gets the prize simply so that we can shut them up. And while, it still pisses me off that we are so quick to bend over for the dickhead who threatens the precious equilibrium, the other part of my PSA was to give more love and attention to those clients who actually deserve it. The clients who are lovely and respectful, but just need some help with the logistics or design of their wedding. So, today, I thought I would dive into who those people are, rather than focus on the assholes.

    Over the last few weeks, I have been lucky enough to have had lunch with a few fellow wedding planners, and as the conversation flowed (as it always does when you put two chatty women together), it came down to rooting for the underdog. Huh? The underdog? Yes!! The underdog, the nice bride (clearly, a bride who reads BB!). The chick who has kept the same persona since the day she hired us. The girl who sometimes starts her emails with, "I'm so sorry to be high maintenance, but...", although she is not high maintenance at all, or the one who feels badly about potentially being needy, but who isn't. Those girls!! "We" as planners, totally root for you! You are the ones we want to bend over backwards to help! You renew our love for what we do, and in a world of assholes, you have no idea how powerful your niceness is!

    I have been preaching this for years, bridey. YEARS! And, with each chatty conversation I have with my peers, it's so clear to me that I have been on to something. BE FUCKING NICE! I mean... It's something we all learned in kindergarten and seem to have forgotten as we have aged. Bridey, you will get so much more out of your wedding vendors (and people in general) if you're pleasant while you plan. And you know what? This is universal. Everybody I know feels the same fucking way. 

    Around the time I wrote Bitchless Bride's PSA, I had been re-reading a few posts from October 2012, and seriously felt sick. Because in 2012, I was absolutely writhing from the grips of a terrible client I had worked with for over 16 months. She was a fucking beast, and I should have fired her, but I was in way too deep... And, we (wedding planners), have all had one of those clients. The ones we totally bend over for, simply so that she will shut the fuck up, and go away for a bit. After the wedding, I was definitely questioning why I plan weddings for bitches who don't appreciate the hard work that goes into each event (hence why it is so important for the good ones to renew our love for our profession), and I vowed that I will never get in that deep again; that I would fire the next bitch who made me feel as though I am anything but her equal.

    Every single wedding planner I know has a story like mine, bridey. And it baffles me. Because, it's so much easier to get what you want (and even get a few things comped) simply by being pleasant while you plan... Got it?

    Image via vivanspace