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    Entries in Perspective (16)

    Tuesday
    Apr052016

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

    Sometimes I feel guilty when I post a FLASHBACK, but then I realize that if I already have a fantastic post, why reinvent the wheel? Right? I'm still getting my point across, and some of you haven't taken the time to go back and read everything I've ever written, so why the hell not? Anyway, bridey, absorb this one... This is like the worst thing you can do to a wedding planner, event manager (at a venue), etc. Everything worked out in the end (regarding my situation), but I still think back, and resent the hell out of the bride who asked me to jump through hoops when I was down for the count. Don't forget to check out the comments too!

    May 26, 2015:

    Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

    The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

    Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

    It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

    Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

    Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

    Image via EngravingShop.com

    Tuesday
    Mar082016

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ How Your Psyche Can Fuck with Your Wedding Plans

    I've been busting some serious ass lately. Like, no bullshit, pushing myself HARD in every facet of my life. I've been killing myself at the gym (consistently), prospecting new clients at work, focusing on truly being present around my kids (as in, not having my head down in my phone) and basically tucking in my "Badass" cape at the end of the day, before starting it all over again tomorrow. And, you know why I'm choosing (because, it really is a choice) to bust ass, bridey? Because I have a lot of shit I want to accomplish, and if I don't feel good about myself then I won't push myself to make shit happen, and you know what? I am a make shit happen kind of girl. So, I have to feel good about myself.

    What's my point? Well, I was thinking about how great I've feeling due to the ass I've been kicking, and when you feel like shit about yourself, the shit follows you around like a dark cloud. And, oftentimes that cloud equates to raining on your success and dreams. Sounds super dramatic and completely psycho-babbly, but when your outlook is negative everything else becomes negative too... Including your wedding plans. So, if you want to have a successful, non-stressful wedding planning experience, then strap on your "Badass" cape, and get shit done! Take care of yourself (first and foremost) and the things that are important to you. Because once you start, you'll be amazed at how easy your wedding planning will become, and pretty much everything else in your life too.

    Sounds awesome, right? Sounds almost unachievable, right? So, how? Where do I find the "Badass" cape? How do I begin? Look, bridey, I could offer you a ton of motivational one-liners right now, but I won't. Because all you have to do is search Pinterest, and get you'll be swamped with motivation. You'll be inundated with quotes, and piles and piles of pins that will inspire you for days, even months. But, the motivation you need to make positive change while planning your wedding, and in your life, has to come from you or else it won't stick. But, it's worth tapping into because this "cape" will change your life... If you let it.

    But, the cape of badassery comes with a price. You see, the cape forces you to look inward, and some of you peeps won't like what you see. I didn't. Well, I didn't like most of what I saw. But, what I did see was an opportunity to make change, and to change my perspective (where's my soapbox?). Bridey, you don't need a crystal ball. You just need to be honest with yourself. And, while honesty is the best policy, sometimes that shit is brutal!

    I know it's not easy. But, once you get started, it all seems to fall into place. You'll get into a groove, and you'll be amazed at how easy some of the more difficult wedding planning tasks and delicate family situations become to handle. You'll be amazed at how easy getting what you want becomes simply because you are no longer negative (and bitchy). You'll be amazed how people will respond to you with positivity and want to help you. You'll be amazed at how rosy life seems to be even without the glasses. You get the point. All you have to do? Get your hands on that cape!

    Image via Etsy

    Tuesday
    Feb022016

    Bitchless Bride Video #2 - ***FLASHBACK*** Perspective is a Bitch!

    I thought it was time to resurrect one of my fave videos (from 2012!) in anticipation of all of the engagements which will inevitably take place as we near Valentine's Day. So, please don't hate me for speaking the truth!

    "Nobody wants to go to your wedding! We are not excited like you are."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

    Who cares about your wedding the way you do? Nobody... And you know what? Most people don't care at all... They don't even want to come. Just a little perspective...

    Tuesday
    Jan262016

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding...

    My name is Bitchless Bride, and I was not excited for my wedding. Well, until I made some major adjustments to the wedding plans. Ultimately, my hus and I decided to elope, and no, that's not what I'm suggesting for you, bridey, I'm simply saying that perhaps you need to make some adjustments of your own if you're not excited for your wedding. And, sometimes those adjustments are mental, and sometimes they're actual. But, if you're not excited for your wedding, then take a step back and get to the bottom of it before you're stuck with enormous financial responsibility and subsequently, regret.

    Planning a wedding is exciting, right? RIGHT? But, it's also a ton of work... It's bascially another full time job. So, it's no wonder that some of you aren't excited. You're busting your ass with all of the details and shit still doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because there is so much fucking pressure for a wedding day to be perfect or maybe it's because you're drowning in debt, (or both) but, bridey, if you're not excited, you're not alone. Trust me, there are a considerable number of brides who are not excited for their wedding day. Why? Well, in my experience, I blame it on the three P's: Pressure, precedence and perfection.

    Pressure. It's brutal. Seriously, when an entire industy, friends and family, and even strangers tell you that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your entire life, that's fucking stressful. It adds oodles of pressure on you for that one day to be incomparable to all of the other days, past, present and future. I mean... How are you possibly expected to live up to such an extraordinary standard? Bridey, I know that you can see beyond that bullshit, right?

    I've been married for like a decade, and while I look back on my wedding day as one of the best days of my life, that's all it was... ONE FUCKING DAY (which was awesome). So, put it into perspective. Obviously, the birth of my kids is def at the top of the list (um... aside from the ridiculous pain, blood, sweat and tears...), but there have also been plenty of somewhat mundane days that have just been awesome simply because I spent it with my hus... See what I'm getting at? So, let yourself off the hook.

    Precedence. This is a tough one especially if you're amongst the first of your peer group to get married. Everybody is looking at you to take the lead, and maybe you don't want the conch. Maybe you just want an intimate ceremony and small reception or maybe you want a kickass party, but no matter what you want, your wedding is going to be the measuring stick against all the rest just because you're first. Which leads to more pressure. But, you know what, bridey? Who cares!??? Let it go! As long as you and your sig other are happy with your plans and your future, then fuck the rest. Let the precedence be set, conch raised high, that you care about the marriage, not just the day. PERIOD.

    Perfection. Fucking perfection. Ick. That word... I can hear one of my least favorite brides reminding me that the "centerpieces really need to 'pop', and be perfect." Perfect? REALLY? Or else what? You're not going to get married? C'mon, bridey. I agree that for the money you're dropping on flowers that they should absolutely be gorgeous, but perfect or you're going "to raise hell"? Shut the fuck up. Why don't you spend more time examining your relationship than the flowers... Nobody is perfect, and there isn't an event or wedding in the world that has been perfect. There is always some snafu (large or small), and what needs to be perfect, is your attitude about how to handle a situation when there is a hair out of place. 

    Bridey, if you're not excited for your wedding, it's completely understandable. With everything we just discussed, it's not surprising. However, if you can look inward, and let go of the three P's, then perhaps you'll realize that you're anxious about the wedding day, but ecstatic about the marriage. 

    Image via Becoming Mindy

    Tuesday
    Dec292015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Five Ways Not to be a Nightmare Disguised as a Daydream

    Yup, I totally just stole a line from Taylor Swift, but why come up with another awesome line when one already exists? Right? Anyway, the point is, right now, so many of you are recently engaged (ahem... Christmas), and while I truly believe that you don't think you're a nightmare, inevitably, the majority of you? Yeah, you're going turn into a fucking nightmare, and totally think you're a dreamboat. The fix? Well, leave that to me. Here are five ways to avoid turning into your very own nightmare disguised as a daydream:

    1. Bridey, remember that just because you are getting married doesn't mean that everyone else is. All of your friends and family? Well, they're probably in different phases of their lives, and therefore it shouldn't be surprising to you that after the allotted "honeymoon" phase of your engagement, you will lose their undivided attention. Because some friends? Well, some are jealous of what you have, some are having babies, some are getting divorced, and some just don't give a shit about your wedding! So, bridey, remember that this is your phase, and not everyone is in it with you. 

    2. Be a good listener. Those phases I just mentioned? Well, your friends and family will probably want/need some air time once you've finished talking about what's on your mind. Yes, bridey, you're newly engaged and dying to talk and obsess about every painstaking detail of your wedding day, but your friends have shit happening in their lives too. So, listen! And care! Give them the floor once in a while. Breathe. It's not about you all of the time...

    3. Uh-oh... The P word! Um, I'm talking about perspective!! Yup! You're wedding is one day out of your entire life, bridey. One.fucking.day. And there's a ton of shit you'll probably have to overcome with your partner after that one day. Personally? I dealt with nearly losing my hus to pulmonary embolisms (less than a year after we were married). And then there was the whole IVF journey. What a shitshow... (Yeah, you spend all of your 20s trying NOT to get pregnant, and when you're finally ready, you can't! WTF?) And then several ups and downs thereafter... So, while I look back at my wedding day fondly, I usually find myself reflecting on the marriage, and our concrete foundation, not the day.

    4. You don't know shit. You are new to this whole wedding planning bit, so quit pretending like you know everything. Do your research. And, no that doesn't mean "pin" your research, I mean really do your research, bridey. Research your wedding as if you're going to spend the equivalent of a down payment for a home on one day... Oh wait... You are! So, own it bridey! Own the shit out of your wedding! Know what you're getting yourself into. Make a point of understanding what things cost in the industry. Hire professionals to help you do so. Either way, educate yourself, and do it honestly! Act as though there was a price tag on every pin. 

    5. Be fucking nice... to everyone. Because, bridey, in my world? You are a nightmare first, and then, if you're lucky, you become my daydream. And, if you're nice and genuine? Then people (inside of the industry and out) will genuinely want to help you plan your wedding. They will care about the details, they will care how you feel about the linen or food or wedding cake, and most of all, they will care about you! But, if you treat everyone like crap, then you will get crap in return. 

    Got it?

    Image via magic4walls