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    Entries in tasting (3)

    Tuesday
    May272014

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ All I Really Need to About Wedding Planning I Learned in Kindergarten

    I've been doing some thinking and I've come to the conclusion that everything a bride needs to know about wedding planning, she learned in kindergarten. All of these points are so completely basic, yet so completely applicable to wedding planning. Seriously, before you think that I am off my damn rocker, hear me out (or read me out for that matter). I've written a TON about perspective on BB, and it's really amazing how simple it can be. Just read below and you'll see that all you really need need to know about surviving wedding planning, bridey, you learned when you were five years old.

    “These are the things I learned (in Kindergarten):

    1. Share everything. Share the wedding planning responsibilies with your fiancé. Assign him (or her) wedding planning tasks that he will enjoy, and focus on your the tasks that are most important to you.

    2. Play fair. Don't be a bitch. Don't make your bridesmaids wear ugly dresses. Don't be rude to your wedding vendors. Play fair, bridey!

    3. Don't hit people. Bridey, I certainly hope that you won't go around hitting (or punching, biting or scratching) people, but some of your friends and family may feel like they got socked in the gut when your inner 'zilla sneaks out. So, keep that bitch tucked in, and keep your hands to yourself. 

    4. Put things back where you found them. Unless you've found "the dress". Bridey, don't take a chance or second guess yourself because it was the first one you found. If it isn't "the one", then please do put it back where you found it, but please don't take a chance that it'll will get sold out from under you simply because it was the first dress you tried on.

    5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS. But first, try not to make one. But, if you do, then clean it up, bridey. Did you piss off your bestie because you were talking too much about the wedding? Then buy her a drink, and let her have the floor. Did you snap at your photographer for not emailing you back within five minutes? Then apologize and wait your turn. Trust me, your wedding planning will be that much more seamless if you clean up your own mess.

    6. Don't take things that aren't yours. Bridey, if you didn't pay for it, then you can't have it. You can't have something if it isn't yours. If you want an additional layer of wedding cake, then you're going to have to pay for it. If you want to import particular flowers for your bouquet, then you're going to have to pay for it. You can't take things that aren't yours. You can only "take" them if you buy them. See what I mean? So don't take things that aren't yours.

    7. Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody. It's almost impossible to go through your wedding planning unscathed or without hurting somebody's feelings. The easiest way to get through it, bridey? Say you're sorry when your hurt somebody. Period. The end. 

    8. Wash your hands before you eat. Wash your hands before the food tasting. Wash your hands before the cake tasting. And make a concentrated effort to wash your hands of the bullshit. Do not allow yourself to get sucked into the webb of insanity during the wedding planning. Wash your hands of it...

    9. Flush. Get rid of it. Start fresh, bridey. Flush your system of any ill feelings. Be it about your future family in law, skeletons of the past, etc. It's best to go into wedding planning with a clean slate. So flush it.

    10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

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    Tuesday
    Jun192012

    Bitch, Aren't There Drugs for That?

    I consider myself to be an amazingly good judge of character. I’m not bragging I just happen to have a gift. But, when I misjudge somebody, boy do I really fuck it up! When you check out our post for OneWed today (it'll be up shortly), you will read one of the most shockingly atrocious, yet totally juicy stories I have ever heard about some crazy, entitled bitch bride. It’s not MY story, but sadly it is quite true, and my poor friend and fellow wedding planner who had the horror of working with this bitchalicious bride, barely made it through the wedding. While the story I’m about to tell is pretty bad, I’ll let you be the judge as to which is worse...

    Click to read more ...

    Tuesday
    May292012

    Fifty Shades of... Red

    He was gorgeous. Like jaw-droppingly handsome. With piercing blue eyes, dark hair and perfect teeth all I kept thinking at the tasting was how badly I wanted to crawl under the table and… NOOOOAAAA! Gross. I was going with, crawl under the table and HIDE! Get your “Fifty Shades of Grey” minds outta the gutter. Seriously. I’m not E L James (because if I was, the book woulda been written much better… just sayin’).

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