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    Entries in wedding (113)

    Tuesday
    Jan262016

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding...

    My name is Bitchless Bride, and I was not excited for my wedding. Well, until I made some major adjustments to the wedding plans. Ultimately, my hus and I decided to elope, and no, that's not what I'm suggesting for you, bridey, I'm simply saying that perhaps you need to make some adjustments of your own if you're not excited for your wedding. And, sometimes those adjustments are mental, and sometimes they're actual. But, if you're not excited for your wedding, then take a step back and get to the bottom of it before you're stuck with enormous financial responsibility and subsequently, regret.

    Planning a wedding is exciting, right? RIGHT? But, it's also a ton of work... It's bascially another full time job. So, it's no wonder that some of you aren't excited. You're busting your ass with all of the details and shit still doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because there is so much fucking pressure for a wedding day to be perfect or maybe it's because you're drowning in debt, (or both) but, bridey, if you're not excited, you're not alone. Trust me, there are a considerable number of brides who are not excited for their wedding day. Why? Well, in my experience, I blame it on the three P's: Pressure, precedence and perfection.

    Pressure. It's brutal. Seriously, when an entire industy, friends and family, and even strangers tell you that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your entire life, that's fucking stressful. It adds oodles of pressure on you for that one day to be incomparable to all of the other days, past, present and future. I mean... How are you possibly expected to live up to such an extraordinary standard? Bridey, I know that you can see beyond that bullshit, right?

    I've been married for like a decade, and while I look back on my wedding day as one of the best days of my life, that's all it was... ONE FUCKING DAY (which was awesome). So, put it into perspective. Obviously, the birth of my kids is def at the top of the list (um... aside from the ridiculous pain, blood, sweat and tears...), but there have also been plenty of somewhat mundane days that have just been awesome simply because I spent it with my hus... See what I'm getting at? So, let yourself off the hook.

    Precedence. This is a tough one especially if you're amongst the first of your peer group to get married. Everybody is looking at you to take the lead, and maybe you don't want the conch. Maybe you just want an intimate ceremony and small reception or maybe you want a kickass party, but no matter what you want, your wedding is going to be the measuring stick against all the rest just because you're first. Which leads to more pressure. But, you know what, bridey? Who cares!??? Let it go! As long as you and your sig other are happy with your plans and your future, then fuck the rest. Let the precedence be set, conch raised high, that you care about the marriage, not just the day. PERIOD.

    Perfection. Fucking perfection. Ick. That word... I can hear one of my least favorite brides reminding me that the "centerpieces really need to 'pop', and be perfect." Perfect? REALLY? Or else what? You're not going to get married? C'mon, bridey. I agree that for the money you're dropping on flowers that they should absolutely be gorgeous, but perfect or you're going "to raise hell"? Shut the fuck up. Why don't you spend more time examining your relationship than the flowers... Nobody is perfect, and there isn't an event or wedding in the world that has been perfect. There is always some snafu (large or small), and what needs to be perfect, is your attitude about how to handle a situation when there is a hair out of place. 

    Bridey, if you're not excited for your wedding, it's completely understandable. With everything we just discussed, it's not surprising. However, if you can look inward, and let go of the three P's, then perhaps you'll realize that you're anxious about the wedding day, but ecstatic about the marriage. 

    Image via Becoming Mindy

    Tuesday
    Jan052016

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 10 Ways Your Mom Can Ruin Your Wedding Day

    A few years ago, I wrote this this piece for the Huffington Post, and the reason I'm reposting it today is that I heard a horriffic MOB story and felt an overwhelming need to post this article. Bridey, there is a ton of shit that you will have to overcome during your wedding planning and sometimes even on your wedding day... Hopefully, your mother won't be one of them.

    *******

    I'm not a mother of the bride (MOB) hater, but even with that disclaimer, I guarantee that this article will not make me very popular amongst you moms. Actually, I'm pretty confident that after I spill these particular beans, I'm probably going to have every MOB emailing me messages stating their disappointment (such a mom word); accusing me of crossing that line of basic respect for our parentals, but based on my experience, I feel like it is my responsibility to share these beans with all of you brides-to-be so that you actually enjoy your wedding day.

    Keep in mind, bridey, the only reason I am privy to this list is because I've witnessed it. That said, if you know what to look for, then at least you can consider yourself forewarned, and not let the crazy MOB get you down.

    1. Mom notices the little things that you never would have seen in your euphoric wedding day state, and keeps telling you about them. For instance, your menu cards are not quite center, one of the bridesmaid dresses is too tight, there's a place setting missing at table 24, blah, blah blah.
    2. Mom will not stop talking shit about your dad's new girlfriend. "How could he have brought her here? I mean, on such a special day for the family."
    3. Mom is constantly telling you to reapply your lipstick, "for the sake of the photographs, honey."
    4. Your mom? She's downright hammered. Must have been because of your dad's new girlfriend. Somebody really needs to pry the Chardonnay out of her hands. 
    5. I give you brideys a lot of shit about keeping your wedding planning in perspective, and not being a crazy bitch on your wedding day. But, today? Well, today it's your mom who is the bridezilla. She's an attention whore. She's a diva. She's a total bitch, demanding attention from anybody who will listen. She's out of control.
    6. Mom keeps referring to your wedding as "her day," even at the ceremony.
    7. Mom invited several guests you didn't even want at the wedding, and is off "entertaining" them while your photographer is trying to get a few family shots.
    8. She's a control freak. She keeps telling your vendors what to do, when to do it and basically, how to do their jobs. 
    9. She is following you around reminding you not to drink too much... "You want to remember everything about your wedding day, honey. I'd hate to see you drink too much and have your memories get muddled."
    10. You totally caught her taking a fingerful of the icing on the cake, and all she said is that no one will notice. Whaaaaa??!! (True story!)

    Brideys, as a straight shooter, and as somebody who always has your back, consider yourselves forewarned. The best way around a poorly behaved MOB on your wedding day? Simply ignore her bad behavior (don't feed it), enjoy your new husband and have a good time! Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!

    Image via Beauty | High50

    Tuesday
    Dec222015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Vendor Vent... A Plea to the Wedding Industry

    Style Me Pretty weddings are pretty, aren't they? But here's the thing: they look as though they were all photographed by the same photographer! Somehow, the trend has morphed into this film photography copycat technique where a cut off cropped shot of a bride's hands with her bouquet has become a standard in every wedding photographer's shot list.

    And while it is so incredibly important to fulfill the dreams and desires of our clients, aren't we in a sense lying to them when we attempt to tell them that their weddings are unique?

    What about the other photographers out there with so much more to offer? What about the award winners of the different photography associations year after year? Take a look again at these such blogs and websites. You will not see any of their work on any of these sites. Why? Because their style is highly dramatic, theatrical, technical, artistic, and (gasp!!!) DIFFERENT. Imagine your wedding photographer capturing your wedding day to look unique to you and yours!

    What a concept.

    I have a prestigious award I earned from my work as a photographer (no, I'm not one of the world's best photographers I mentioned before, but if I named the award, you'd recognize it), and yet receive rejection email and letter after another because my style does not “fit” the popularity contest that is going on in our industry. Guess who else has the same thing happening to them? The award-winning photographers with masters of photographer certifications. Yup.

    So why aren't these photographers being featured on blogs, in magazines, and in bridal boutiques and shows? And why (dear god WHY) are burlap, lace, barns, and mason jars still a thing?!! Please don't play the budget card, because I've seen insanely elegant pulled off with a small budget.

    Give us something DIFFERENT. Give us all CHOICES. Show us EVERYTHING there is to offer out there, not just one style. Don't we owe it to our brides to educate them, rather than dictate to them what to choose?

    love,
    an award winning photographer

    ***What do you think fellow vendors?!! I'm dying to hear your opinions. Leave a comment here, FaceBook or Twitter.***

    Image via Money Crashers

    Tuesday
    Dec152015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Please Don't Throw an Engagement Party Only for the Presents...

    Not gonna lie... This story horrified me. Like H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D. me. One of my esteemed colleagues in the industry told me about a bride who actually asked her to help her plan an engagement party for the sole purpose of receiving presents from her guests. I know! WHAT the fuck is that all about? I mean, I don't know this bride, but I already hate the bitch... What are we, five years old? You only want the party for the presents? Wow. Really, bridey? Talk about not respecting your guests... And, it gets worse... Just wait for it.

    Well, not only did this crazy chick want to host an engagement "party" specifically for the loot, she was only looking to spend, drumroll please.... $15/per person. OMFG! REALLY? So, in case you're not clear, this bitch was going to host a "party" with minimal food, obviously a cash bar, and no entertainment so that she and her fiancé could completely take advantage of the poor people invited to this shitty little shindig. This is an all time low for me, bridey, and it wasn't even my bride! Because if it were? I'd tell her to find a new wedding planner. 

    Let's do a little simple math, shall we? Let's say 75 guests attend the "party" (I can't help but use quotes simply because this is totally not a real party.) So, 75 x $15 = $1,125.00. Hey big spender... Really? So, basically, this girl is willing to waste everybody's time hosting a "party" (that, let's be honest, nobody wants to go to...) with like two passed hors d'oeuvres (if they're lucky) per person + a cash bar simply because she wants the presents. Seriously? What a bitch! Look, I don't care how much money you have to spend or not, bridey, but $15 per person is just not enough to call a party. PERIOD. And, this bride? Well, she clearly knows it! I mean... You're better off putting it towards your wedding and forgoing this lovely affair.

    Bridey, if you're desperate enough to pull a stunt like this, then, for the love of God, please go about it differently. Don't punish the very people you're hoping to steal, I mean receive, gifts from. Spoil them. Or at the very least, make them believe that you're spoiling them. Open your house to them, serve them some decent food and wine, and ask a friend to create an awesome playlist to set the mood for the evening. You'll spend less money, gain more respect, and get those damn presents all without offending anybody with a cheap, shitty "party".

    One question I'd be asking myself (quite seriously) if I were you, bridey, is why you're so focused on the presents? Could the need for the presents potentially be a mask for a deeper issue? Are they your reward for marrying your sig other? Is focusing on the gifts a way for both of you to receive something that you're not currently getting from each other? I know it sounds crazy, but when I hear shit like this, I have to take a hard look at the couple, and wonder what's missing? Why are they so unfulfilled? Because, the alternative? Well, it's that people really are selfish enough to throw an engagement party simply for the gifts.

    Image via Huffington Post

    Tuesday
    Dec012015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Don't Let the Bar Bill Drive You Ballistic... Budget Accordingly!

    Bridey, if you know me at all, then you know that I'm a huge fan of open bar at weddings. Don't get me wrong, I totally respect your budgetary restraints, however if you are able to provide cocktails for your guests, then do it! Because, I'm not the only one who digs a few free cocktails (okay, maybe more than a few) in exchange for my presence at your wedding. But, I must warn you, bridey... Should you decide to have an open bar, then plan your budget accordingly. And, plan big! Actually, plan HUGE! Because, an open bar will undoubtedly cost more than you think!

    Why? Why will the open bar cost more than you think? Well, bridey, people in general like all things that are free. And an open bar? It's like winning the free jackpot! Right? Do you think your guests give a shit that the bar is costing you money? Nope! As long as it's not costing them money, then they are going to drink their fucking faces off! Isn't that what you do while attending a wedding with an open bar? I do! And, I totally know better, but I can't help it. It's like there is a magnetic pull to the bar that is so powerful it cannot be stopped. 

    Rule of thumb? The first hour is when your guests will drink the heaviest. I would estimate anywhere between 2-3 drinks per person. Some will drink less, and some will drink more, but either way, cocktail hour? Yeah, it's all about the cocktails! And, after that? Plan on a drink an hour per person. PERIOD. So, simple math for 100 guests? 5-6 drinks per person. Depending on where you are in the country, this could cost you anywhere between $50-75 per person plus tax and gratuity. No, I am not lying or exaggerating. The numbers are staggering, which is why I am telling you this before your wedding so that you can build it into your budget. 

    Because the most annoying thing ever? Fighting with the venue/caterer (after the fact) about the bar bill. Seriously. It's not the fault of the venue that your guests drank more than you anticipated. It's your fault for not planning on it in advance. I mean, I've had clients go so far as to ask each and every guest how much they drank. REALLY? Yes. True story. And, do you think their guests told them they had 8 fucking drinks, puked their guts out, and couldn't get out of bed for two days? Of course not!! They told the bride that they only had 2-3, because people are assholes and people lie. And frankly, bridey, you shouldn't be such a cheap ass and ask your guests how much they drank at your wedding.

    Moral of the story? Your guests have no morals. So, if you are planning on providing an open bar for the evening, then plan on your guests living on nothing except booze (and maybe some food) for five hours. Got it? Good! Now, go budget that open bar!

    Image via Amanda Douglas Events