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    Entries in wedding day (18)

    Tuesday
    Dec082015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday Why Each Day After Your Wedding Is a Gift... Perspective Is a Bitch!

    ***In case any of you missed my article on Huffington Post last week... Even my mother commented that this post tapped into "the deeper side" of BB. ***

    I am absolutely heartbroken and angry as I read about the most current shooting in San Bernardino. Actually, more like fucking pissed off and on the verge of hysteria, and I know I'm not alone. The statistics are staggering, the loss of life, absolutely heart-wrenching. This type of shit is becoming commonplace, almost expected, and it's frightening. And, if you're like me, you squeeze your hus and your kids a little bit tighter after each of these horrific events, praying that it doesn't continue to metastasize and spread to you and your loved ones.

    What does the San Bernardino shooting have to do with planning your wedding? Quite a bit, bridey. It's called perspective. And, as I have said a million times, perspective is a bitch! Perspective sucks. Perspective hurts. But, perspective is necessary. And unfortunately, it's times like these where perspective comes in, shakes us to our core and (hopefully) snaps us the fuck out of our selfish little worlds, forcing us to appreciate what we have been given. Life. Marriage. Family. Friends. Notice how I didn't say "wedding"? I said marriage. And, marriage is a whole hell of a lot more than one day. It's work, it's difficult, and it's wonderful all wrapped into one.

    Bridey, contrary to what some may think, I love weddings. I love everything about planning a wedding and seeing it come through to fruition. I love what weddings represent. I love that outside of your funeral, your wedding day is probably the only time in your life that everybody you love will be under the same roof (morbid, but true). But, what I hate about weddings? Narrow-minded bullshit. Bitchy brides who completely lose sight of why they are getting married in the first place. Brides who get so wrapped up in the wedding day, that they forget about life afterward (and during)! There IS life afterward, remember?

    It's disgusting that shit like a soulless, cowardly shooting forces us to take a hard look at our lives and reevaluate our priorities, but that's usually when our greatest epiphany presents itself.  And planning your wedding? Well, it should be fun and exciting, but your epiphany should be the person you are going to marry. Each day after your wedding is a gift! I mean, how cool is it that you have a partner for life? Right? It's fucking amazing! It's exhilarating! It's awesome! And, you're amazingly lucky because sadly, fourteen people died on Wednesday, and many lost their partners. Feel that? That pit in your stomach? Focus on that, not your "perfect" wedding day. Your wedding day doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, it's how you live each day after your wedding that counts.

    So, bridey, the next time wedding planning feels overwhelming or things get stressful, remember the outcome. Remember that at the end of the (wedding) day, you have a partner for life. So, cherish it. Enjoy it. Hold on to it. Because the day itself represents the future, and we are all incredibly lucky to still have one.

    Image via DeviantArt

    Tuesday
    Nov102015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Did You Know You're My Only Client? Oh Wait...

    Why don't you just lift your leg and pee on me? Huh? What the fuck are you talking about BB? Well, I'm talking about how territorial brides become once they secure their wedding vendors. Seriously, it's like they literally become bitches (in the doggie sense of the word), claim you as their possession once they pay the deposit, and piss all over you. I swear, the wedding industry is the only industry where this seems to be the case, and where vendors work super fucking hard to make brides feel like they are in fact their only client...

    I mean, can you imagine if this was acceptable or the norm in any other industry? Clients becoming jealous or needy because their hairdresser has cuts hair for some other chick, or that their real estate agent shows houses to other potential buyers or their project manager manages other projects? Yeah... wouldn't happen. It needs to stop. And now. And, the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me that this is the norm, so I thought I'd try to get to the bottom of why most brides seem to hate the idea of their wedding vendors having other clients... So, here are the three big ideas I had as to the reasons behind this craziness, and some ideas as to how we can fix it. Ready?

    1. Exclusivity... Or lack thereof... Bridey, your wedding vendors have other clients, and you feel as though it somehow minimizes the enormity of your day. You're not the only one getting married. Yikes! Did I hit a nerve? In fairness, we all love the idea of exclusivity, and you are no different. So, if your vendors have other clients who have hired them to do the same thing, then you are not feeling the exclusivity you want and need to feel. Am I getting warmer, bridey? Look, I get it, I really do, but at the same time, bridey, your vendors having other clients won't make your wedding day any less special. You hired them because they are fantastic, so knock off the cray cray and let go of the drama.

    2. Jealousy. I think jealousy should be considered a four letter word. Right? I mean, there is nothing worse than a jealous woman (sorry, true story!), and more than that, a jealous bride (oh dear God!)! Bridey, if you're worried that the more clients a vendor has then the less they care about you, you're coo coo. But, it happens! I once had a bride tell me that she felt like I was cheating on her (openly) when I mentioned that I was off to an appointment with another bride after our meeting. REALLY? Bridey, it's amazing, but your vendors do have the capacity to love and adore all of their clients. Well, the ones worth loving and adoring. So BE one of those clients and drop the jealousy routine. It's super annoying. 

    3. Entitlement. Bridey, you're spoiled. You're used to being number one all of the time, and you hate it when your vendors have the audacity to put another bride before you. Why can't they make time to talk to you everytime you call? Why can't they meet you as often as you would like? Why don't they seem as enthusiastic as you do? Well, usually it's because they are working with a client (or several clients) whose wedding is before yours. Like, well before yours. Like a fucking year before yours. When you take a step back and look at the big picture, it makes sense, right? The best part? Your time will come too... Just be patient.

    So, the message here? The big secret? Bridey, you're not my only client. If I am any good, I have lots of clients. So, please, go pee somewhere else.

    Image via Scientific American

    Tuesday
    Oct132015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Bride's Tale of a Sexless, Shitshow of a Marriage... The Grey Area Between Cold Feet & Doubt

    Gimme my soapbox because this girl is going to do a li'l bit of preaching today. And bridey, I'm not preaching about being a bitch while planning your wedding or the 5 "must haves" for your perfect wedding day because what I am about to share with you is much, much more important. It's about doubting your way down the aisle; knowing that each step closer to the altar is a step closer to your imminent divorce. Forget Canon in D, bridey... Your head is blaring Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Your head is screaming for you to turn the fuck around and make a run for it because it's much easier to skip the wedding than file for divorce.

    Bridey "B", an old friend of mine who I've recently reconnected with, told me a story so juicy, so meaty, so, dare I say, messy (keep reading) that I immediately dropped the plan for today so that I could share her story with you. Our conversation began innocently enough... A few pleasantries, a few compliments, but, when she said that "...after marriage #1, which was a total shitshow for 10 months, I took a break from boys until I met superman", I couldn't shake it. I HAD to know more. Why was her first marriage such a short shitshow? What made the new guy "superman"? So I pressed her, and found out...

    BB: "Question... Did you have a big, glamorous wedding with husband #1?"

    Bridey "B": "Yes. Ritz Carlton ridiculous." (I KNEW it!! Total mask for the doubt!)

    BB: "Did you KNOW it wasn't right when you walked down the aisle?"

    Bridey "B": "Absolutely. I was like, 'All marriages have problems. I can handle the ones in store for me. I know this man.' Then he shit on my couch. Literally."

    BB: "O Mothafuckin' G!" (Like you wouldn't say the same thing!!)

    Bridey "B": "I could go on. He just felt like since he worked from home, clothes were optional, and toilet paper was too." (Brideys, to the outside world, this dude is impeccable! He works for fancy firm as a fancy consultant. Just sayin'... Definitely not the kind of guy one pictures doing what he did to that poor couch!)

    **After a few more graphic details about the poop incident, I asked about when/how they met and some details of their relationship.**

    Bridey "B": "He asked me for a cigarette. I gave him one... The sex was great. We traveled to far countries and ate at really fancy restaurants, and then one day, he decided that he didn't want to have sex; he was depressed."

    BB:"Um, whaaaaaa? Dear God! Sex would have helped!"

    Bridey "B": "We were already living together. I was already 30. I thought it was a phase. Turns out, he was having sex, but with strippers." (She didn't find this out until after the divorce.)

    BB: "OMG!"

    Bridey "B": "So, I married this guy who was my best friend, who wouldn't have sex with me, but that's okay, because sometimes couples don't have a lot of sex, right? My mom said, 'It sucks now, but when you're older, you'll be glad he's not chasing you around with handcuffs and lube.'" (I totally peed a little when she said this!I love funny moms!)

    **Bridey, they were together for 6-7 years before they got married. Crazy, right?**

    Bridey "B": "But, you know what happened. Brides get caught up in being brides and they're too scared to turn back." (No shit. No pun either.)

    BB: "Yup! And then in retrospect... Would have been a lot easier."

    Bridey "B": "Hard to tell whether you're going through a cold feet phase, or whether it'll work itself out in time or whether you're marrying a guy who will shit on your couch in six months." (BHHHAAAAAA!!!! I guess you never know!)

    Here's the thing, bridey, you must listen to your gut (preferably before walking down the aisle to Canon in D) no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And, it will absolutely suck. And, it will absolutely hurt. But, marrying the wrong person sucks worse. My friend, Bridey "B"? She told me that the man she is with now, "superman", is the complete opposite of the asshole she married. Why she refers to him as superman? Well, "he would rather listen and learn, than fight." Plus, he's not fucking strippers or shitting on the couch... Always a plus!

    In September of 2013, I wrote Let's Call the Whole Thing Off... How to Cancel Your Wedding (and Survive), and for good reason... Bridey, if this story is hitting a nerve, then do something about it! Because that pit in your stomach? It's not cold feet, it's doubt. And, I know it's super grey, and sometimes more white or more black, but, bridey? If you don't want to skip your way down the aisle, then it's not forever... TRUST ME! And, I know it's fucking scary. But, you are strong, and better to end it now then waste your life with somebody who you know isn't right for you. 

    So, dig deep, read my "how to" on cancelling your wedding, and then go find your superman! Got it?!!

    Image via KiKi & Tea 

    Tuesday
    Apr142015

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Don't be a Bitch on Your Wedding Day! 6 Tips to Get Rid of the Bridey Bitch!

    I've written quite a bit about how to not be a bitch while planning your wedding, but it dawned on me that I haven't really touched on why it's so important not to be a bitch on your wedding day. Bridey, I think it's safe to say that your wedding day is filled with a tangled web of emotions; happiness, elation, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc.... All perfectly normal... And, sometimes when we're filled with that kind of emotion, it's easy to go one of two ways... Euphoria or bridaldemia, and it's up to you to choose the better of the two.

    The reason I'm mentioning this? Well, after an extremely busy weekend filled with two weddings, and everything you can think of in between, I realized that my very lovely brides each took on one of the two aforementioned emotions. And, frankly, I was shocked. Both were super detailed oriented, although easy to work with during the wedding planning (they must be avid readers of BB), and both had relatively supportive families. So, what made one bride go batshit crazy on her wedding day and one continue to be her fabulous self? THAT is a good fucking question!

    And while I don't have the answer, I can tell you who had a better wedding day experience. If you guessed bridey B, then you guessed right. Bridey B was relaxed and happy. She took in each and every moment of the day, totally let go of "wedding planning mode", and slipped into something much more comfortable, her wedding day. While Bridey A was argumentative with anybody who dared crossed her path. Honestly? It was strange; something I didn't see coming based on our planning experience.

    So, bridey, I got to thinking about what can we do to alleviate Bridey A from presenting herself on your wedding day, and here's what I came up with: 

    1. Alcohol. Just kidding!! Well, sort of... I hate to admit that it was the first thing that came to mind! However, if you are careful not to get piss drunk, then there is nothing wrong with a cocktail as you are getting ready to walk down the aisle. Just be sure to nourish yourself with delicious food and plenty of water, and surround yourself with your favorite ladies!

    2. Timing is everything. As a planner, I build a TON of extra time into the getting ready piece of the wedding day. I do this because inevitably there is always something (or someone) who will throw you off track, and there is nothing more stress inducing than being late. So, give yourself a lot of extra time.

    3. Breathe. Seriously. What's done is done, bridey, so freaking out about the details on the day of your wedding will get you nowhere. Simply relax and breathe. Remember, that at the end of the day (quite literally), you will have gotten married to the man (or woman) you are going to spend the rest of your life with, right? How awesome is that? YAHOO! So, don't allow your anxiety and nerves to win. It will show through in your photographs, and for what? Shit that won't matter...

    4. Let it go. Oh dear God. UGH! I just started singing that fucking song...

    Click to read more ...

    Tuesday
    Dec022014

    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Wedding Planning... It's Only Temporary, Bridey

    I had brunch with a close friend of mine recently, and this chick? Well, she's pretty fucking KICKASS!! And not because she's the CEO of some company or because she's got her shit together, but because of her perspective, bridey. You know, my favorite word in the whole wide world! PERSPECTIVE!! They say that you never know where your inspiration is going to come from, and let's just say that today's post hit me like a ton of bricks. You see, my kickass friend? Well, she's going through some awful shit these days. I won't get into the gory details, but it seems like all of the craziness is happening to her all at once. You know the saying about how shit happens in 3s? I seriously think this is her fourth or fifth. And instead of wallowing in her sorrow (which I would probably succumb to myself), she just keeps casually uttering, "It's only temporary." Wow. So simple, yet hard to do...

    As a wedding planner, I've watched some pretty cool girls get rocked by their wedding planning simply because planning your wedding and real life are oftentimes a tough mix. But, as I listened to my friend say that, "It's only temporary", it kinda got me thinking about her healthy outlook. Instead of slipping into a dark place and lashing out at her friends and family, everyday she rises above how she feels, and looks forward; something that I think is really hard for all of us to do. How do you fit into this, bridey?

    Well, if you look at planning your wedding as something that is only temporary, adjust your perspective (during the particularly difficult times like dealing with family dynamics and budget constraints) and realize that a year from now, life will most likely be totally different (depending on when you are getting married) then you too should be able to utter the phrase, "It's only temporary." The key? You'll actually have to adjust your thinking and believe in that statement. It won't be easy and it probably won't alleviate the stress and bullshit you are dealing with instantaneously, but it has the power of preventing you from getting in your own way, and rising above...

     

    Click to read more ...