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    Entries in Wedding Planning (36)


    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Ten Things I Hate About "I Do"

    "Oh my God, you have the coolest job! I'm sure you could write a book about all of the stuff you see!" *wink* Since all of my non-wedding industry friends always seem to think that my job is nothing but rainbows and unicorns, I thought I would share ten things I hate about "I do". And since I'm not really into sugar coating, a few of these items may hit a nerve, so brideys, I suggest you listen up and learn from this instead of being offended. Because I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. If used correctly, then what I am about to share with you can quite possibly change the entire course of your wedding, if not your life. Okay... a touch dramatic, but...

    1. Cheap brides. It's one thing if you don't have the money, and need to scale back. I totally get it!! But, cheap for the sake of being cheap is fucking annoying. I want you to remember something, bridey. You get what you pay for, and if you hire the cheapest vendor or nickel and dime the ones you hire to their breaking point, then most likely you will be disappointed with the outcome. If you're cheap with them, then odds are? They're going to be cheap with you.

    2. Two words. Dry weddings. WHAT the fuck? I have planned weddings of all different religions, backgrounds, etc., but imposing your personal tastes and/or beliefs on your guests is rude. At least have a cash bar (cringe) and make your guests pay for their booze. But, not offering it? Inconsiderate.

    3. Which leads me to my next point. Vegan weddings. REALLY? Enough! Be vegan! Be healthy! That's awesome, bridey, but pretty please with sugar on top, don't subject your guests to tofu if they aren't interested. Look, I have a lot of vegan friends, but when we're together they certainly don't impose their "stuff" onto me. So, please, bridey, don't do it at your wedding. If meat makes you ill, I totally get it. Just make it a lovely vegetarian wedding, and skip the vegan.

    4. Get a grip on your expectations. Drop the fairy tale act. You want magic? Then marry the right man. PERIOD.

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    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Quit Being an Order Taker! 

    Bridey, you’ve GOT to stop trying to please everybody! If you are an avid Bitchless Bride reader, then I’m hoping you are well on your way to sane, non-bitchy, non-entitled, wedding planning so please take this to heart, bridey. It’s YOUR wedding and the more you try to “look out” for your guests and/or over accommodate their needs, then your wedding becomes less and less about you and your sig other, and more about becoming an order taker. Seriously, you're one step away from asking, "Do you want fries with that?"

    And because being an order taker can be frustrating and exhausting here are five ways to STOP accommodating your guests without being a bitch. I know, how could you??

    1. I know it’s crazy, but it can even start with your wedding date. Right? There will always be somebody (you love) who can’t make it to your wedding because of whatever reason so set the precedence and choose the date that works for you! If you listened to everybody and took into account their schedules and their plans, then you’re left with nothing. Okay, maybe not nothing, but definitely not the most ideal wedding date. Getting married on a Tuesday in the fall doesn’t have the same ring to it as a Saturday in the fall now does it?

    2. Don’t put it out there. Don’t over promise. Don’t offer your guests too many choices. Tell them. This is what you are eating. These are your hotel accommodation options. This is the attire. And you know what? If they don’t like it, too fucking bad. They are adults, and therefore they can stay wherever they want and eat dinner before the wedding if they don’t like beef or fish (or if they are gluten free, celiac, can’t eat nuts, shellfish, dairy, sugar, cilantro, YOU NAME IT). See what I mean? You provided your guests some choices, and then it is up to them. I mean, there have been several occasions in which my hus and I decided to stay outside of the wedding block offered because we made a choice to do so.

    3. Just say “no”. C’mon, you say it to your sig other all the time! But, seriously, get in the habit of just saying “no” to particular guest requests if that’s not what you want. For instance, if a guest calls you and asks to bring her new boyfriend to the wedding…

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    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Retrospective Perspective

    Bridey, have you ever looked back at certain moments in your life and uttered, “OMG in retrospect, if I could go back, I’d do it all differently…” Seriously, who hasn’t, right? I mean, there are SEVERAL instances in my life which have me uttering, “Holy crap, what the fuck was I thinking?!” CRINGE! The reason I am bringing this up is because I’d hate for you to look back on your wedding and ask yourself, “How come I was such a bitch during my wedding planning?”

    The reality? How you choose to behave during your wedding planning will be part of your wedding memories. And do you really want those memories marked with such aggravation and bitchiness? Trust me, your vendors will get over it and forget about you after the wedding. But, your behavior is something that you can’t take back, and if you were a total bitch during your planning, I'd be willing to be that down the road, you’ll wish you weren’t.

    Rather than preach to you about how you’ll regret your bad behavior, blah blah blah, let’s try to figure out what has you so worked up, and what we can do about it.

    · Is it the money? I mean, let’s be honest, you’re probably spending more for one day than you will ever spend in your life. But, bridey, it’s important to separate the money from the emotion. Period. If things get messed up, sorry… WHEN things get messed up, you’ll deal with it and you’ll still get married. Your life won't be ruined, okay? So, don’t sweat the small stuff.

    · Is it your in-laws? Fiancé? Both? Well then talk about it! For God’s sake, if you don’t communicate NOW, then what does this say about your marriage; your future; the rest of your life? If this is a glimpse into your future, then obviously you are freaked out. But, bridey, if that’s the case, then you need to talk about it. And go straight to the source(s) because taking it out on everybody else is not helping, it’s hurting. Don’t pussyfoot around either. Be blunt. Be bold. Be bitchless.

    · Is it nerves? Are you worried that you don’t know how to do this? That your wedding will suck? Well, settle down. Nobody expects perfection. In fact, most of your guests don’t even want to go to your wedding. True story. So, get over it. Do yoga, exercise, take Xanax, have some wine and get down and dirty with your man. I mean, not all on the same day or time, but…

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    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Basic Ways to be The Best Bride EVER!

    Mind if I skip the bullshit and get right to it today? Seriously, I want to tell all of you brideys how to the be the best bride you can be, but I would like to do it without sugar coating the truth. Can I do that, please? Cool, thank you. Because lately I feel like I am working with some "newbies" (as in, newly engaged), and you girls aren't quite as well versed in your bridal manners as you could be, so here it goes...

    Let's start with the basics, shall we?:

    1. Manage your expectations. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. Bridey, don't forget to manage your expectations (and your manners) during the wedding planning process. Right now, you are eating, sleeping and definitely drinking all things wedding. It's all you can think (and talk) about, and oftentimes you find yourself super frustrated when you reach out to one of your wedding vendors and they don't get back to you fast enough. Like, ten minutes after you hit "send". Or when you're out with your girlfriends and thirty minutes go by and nobody else has said a word except you. When you finally come up for air, they are SLEEPING. Be respectful. Because, bridey, nobody cares as much as you do. So, MANAGE your expectations if you want to get through the process unscathed.

    2. Quit being a bitch. To your vendors, to your fiance, to your friends, to your mother, and to the holy ghost! I know that wedding planning is like taking on a second job. And it's fucking stressful. TRUST ME, I KNOW! You're basically moonlighting, and it's a lot to take on, but get your 'tude in check. Bridey, the nicer you are, the more people want to help you through the process. Right? So, quit being a bitch.

    3. Drop the holier than thou attitude. Along the same lines of "quit being a bitch", rockin' a holier than thou attitude because you're the bride is just as annoying, and you know what? NOBODY CARES! Bridey, you know how many brides there have been before you? And how many brides there are going to be after you? Getting married is nothing new. And when you treat people shit because you're the bride, yeah... It's bullshit. 

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    The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget

    You know that phrase, champagne taste on a beer budget? Well, I'm working with one of "those" brideys right now. This bride is actually quite lovely. No, really, she is. But we keep running into the same problem over and over again, and frankly, it's exhausting. Any idea what I am referring to? Yeah, her budget vs. her taste!

    So, every year, I take on a client at a massive discount, or for free because I am wonderful (look at BB being all giving...). But, seriously, I do, and I do it because I know they need my help, and usually they are a friend of mine, or they are a friend of a friend who really needs some wedding planning direction. Which brings me to my champagne bride. Again... she is lovely, but I swear that I am about two shakes away from drop kicking her ass out of sheer frustration. True story. As I mentioned, she has exquisite taste, but does not have the funding to back up her desires; something I'm used to dealing with on occasion, but it's still tiring nonetheless.

    Well, without naming names or the names of venues, let's just say that her wedding is at a nice place, but it ain't no Ritz or Four Seasons.

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