Thank You for Having Sex

Let me set the scene… I really want you to be able to visualize this in your minds eye. I want you to feel as uncomfortable as every guest in this beautiful venue felt as they listened to this poor chump deliver his toast. Picture a VERY conservative crowd of wasps sipping their very expensive champagne as the best man takes the microphone for his toast. He turns to the parents of the groom, and says, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I just want to thank you for having sex.” No really… this was the start of the worst, most uncomfortable best man toasts I have ever had to watch. Outside of the blatant disrespect he showed towards the bride and groom, I looked around the room at the guests who were literally shifting uneasily in their chiavary chairs wishing they could crawl under my beautiful square tables. I WISH this wedding was being filmed! Woulda loved to have seen this again!

Take this advice and run with it… KNOW the gist of what is going to be said in any of the toasts at your wedding. I’m not saying that you need to ruin the joy of receiving a lovely toast by knowing each and every word, but have a general idea of the content so that there are no surprises like this at your wedding. You know your maid of honor and best man. Can they be trusted with a microphone? Really think about this because I worked my tail off with the bride preparing the details for her wedding, and you know what everybody remembers most about it? Yeah… the fucking best man toast. Hell, it’s what I remember, and I planned it! 

Also, don’t forget to have a conversation with your planner, DJ or band about WHO gets to have air time. You don’t want your notoriously drunk uncle getting a hold of that mic! You need to be clear about toasting requests. If they are not on the list, then uncle Jack does not toast. Period the end.