Hello my name is Bitchless Bride and it’s been nine days since I was last used. It’s been nine days since I felt such an incredible high as I was showered with praise and gratitude from the vendors involved in “her” wedding, and at the same time experienced such an amazing crash as I thought about all of the times that my bride should have been smiling and wasn’t. This mess of feelings all within a fourteen-hour span... And I can’t seem to let it go. I can’t move on. I keep replaying the evening over and over again in my head. It’s like this bitch and her wedding are stuck on me. And after all of these years that I’ve “used”, I think the reason I can’t seem to move forward is because I refuse to accept that maybe this time, I got used. And you know what? I don’t like it.
I’ve mentioned how those of us in “the industry” continue to put up with the bullshit because it is completely acceptable to be, “where the action is, and that makes us love it because we need action like a drug, and “the industry” allows us the freedom to “use” and still be employed.” However, somewhere inside of us is an innate desire to please, to make the world pretty and nice with fucking romance linen, pinspotting, uplighting and chiavari chairs. Here, in this world, we schmooze to get the business, coddle to keep the business, and fulfill our need to be needed, to please people. It’s actually a nice balance because we like to keep everything running smoothly. We like that challenge, and yes oftentimes it is a challenge. But, most of all we like being the expert.
And I know I’m not alone. If I consider every single one of my peers in the industry, I’d tell you that while each of us encompass super strong and somewhat unique qualities; we all have a weakness. It’s the need to be needed. Because that’s how we take care of ourselves, by taking care of others. So when I feel used and under appreciated, I get pissed off and I can’t let it go even though I know it’s in my best interest to move on, learn from this experience and get the fuck over it. This particular bride will never be overjoyed by anything in her life, and as much as I hate to admit it, that includes me.
So if I were giving advice to myself, I’d say, “BB, enough! Let it go! Stop perservating on this bridey bitch and be glad it’s over and that it went well. And be even happier that you’re not the groom!”