Tick Tock on the Clock

Please, for the love of God listen to me! Seriously, if you are only going to half read my blogs, fine, but I need you to wake the fuck up and make sure you have taken your meds before you read this post! Imagine that I am obnoxiously mouthing this to you… THROW AWAY YOUR WATCHES! IT’S ALL ABOUT THE FLOW OF YOUR WEDDING AND NOT THE ACTUAL TIME! So, for all of you Type A’s who are obsessed with the fucking time, take this advice and run with it. Think about your wedding day in the order it will be happening as opposed to actual times that each event is to take place. And… do not wear a watch or have access to a watch or anything that resembles a clock on your wedding day, or else I will find you. I mean… no I won’t, but I wish I could! I wish I could so that I could prevent you from ruining your day for yourself. No really.

Any qualified person in “the industry” will tell you that, while you might have planned when you are going to mash that delicious lemon blossom cake in his mouth down to the exact second, it won’t happen. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. Why? Because it’s not about the time! It’s about the order of events, and not about the precise time at which they happen. Listen, I plan shit for a living, and I admit that I am totally Type A, but even I have to recognize that it’s best not to get hung up on every second of the day. You really have to go with the flow. I can tell you that as a planner, I am very aware of the time on your wedding day so you don’t have to be. And even if you aren’t working with a planner, those talented managers at your lovely venue are also aware of the time (and so is the chef, your band, photographer, etc.). SO… relax. Let us worry about how the “show” is running, and you worry about how fast the best day of your life is going by!

Let me share a story with you lovely soon to be bitchless brides. I was working with an incredible woman who was an absolute overachiever in pretty much every aspect of her life. Her wedding was no exception. And you know what? I LOVED it. I loved getting her spreadsheets, I loved talking to her about every single detail of her wedding, and mostly, I loved that she was so dedicated to the wedding planning. While some might have thought “bridezilla”, I thought fabulous! You see, as much as you Type A’s can get completely postal, at least those of us responsible for helping you with the details know exactly what you want and where we stand. I often think that working with a bride who is so whatever about her plans is more difficult because you never really know what’s going on in that insane head of hers.

Anyway… this bride and I went round and round talking about the timeline, and how it’s really about the flow of events, blah blah blah... And, FINALLY, she got on board, and agreed to just go with it…or so I thought. You see, her gorgeous wedding gown had pockets, and while I am quite gifted at what I do, I did not think to frisk her before the ceremony. Right… So, when we were running a little bit behind, she took out a pocket watch and told me she was worried. Yes, a fucking pocket watch! Who has a pocket watch??? And certainly not a bride! (Apparently, her grandfather had given to her the night before the wedding at the rehearsal dinner.) Either way, I was bullshit. So what? We were running 14 minutes behind. Big deal. I mean I knew it was no big deal… So now, I had to calm her down and send her down the aisle all by her crazy self, knowing that she was freaking out about being late right before she said, “I do”.  What a way to go…

The good news is that we caught up… Duh… I knew that we would, but she didn’t. And ultimately she apologized for breaking our promise (but only when she realized that we had made up for lost time). Honestly, it was all I could do not to rip that stupid pocket watch out of that lovely gown, and go shove it up grandpa’s ass! Instead, I hugged her. What else could I do? I learned my lesson that day too. I learned that you brides are even crazier then I thought! Next time, before anybody strolls down the aisle wearing a dress with fucking pockets, they better expect a pat down from this planner.