After such an incredible weekend orchestrating a destination wedding, there was just ONE thing that gave me rage. The best man… I mean… I’m just going to say it. Shut the fuck up! Seriously! I will tell you when it’s time to walk down the aisle, I will tell you when it’s time to give your toast, and I will tell you when it’s time to get your ass off the dance floor, but in the meantime, SHUT UP! Give me a little space to take care of the bride and groom. And not for nothing, I really don’t give a shit how you did it at your wedding (and neither do the other vendors); I care about what’s right for your best friend.

Please note this is not limited to the best man. This person could be the maid of honor (MOH), best man (BM), mother of the groom (MOG), mother of the bride (MOB), etc.… basically, it’s anybody who is exceptionally needy or anybody who needs to be heard. Constantly. On your wedding day. Just loooooves to hear the sound of their own voice. One of my fellow wedding professionals, a photographer, told me about a MOH who kept suggesting particular shots to her. Really? You know what this photographer did? Nothing. Because she is the professional, not you and your big mouth. I know that you BM and MOH’s think that because you just got married that you are now the expert and therefore are much more knowledgeable than us, but you aren’t, so shut the fuck up.

Brides, if you appreciate the vendors you have selected, and have been happy with their services leading up to your wedding, then please do us a favor... Get a muzzle for that MOH of yours! Shut that bitch up! Because we can’t worry about being nice to “that girl” when we are working for you on your big day. K?

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