Yup, you read that right. Here's a topic that is so verboten that most of you are wondering why I'm even writing about it. But, it's important. Because it happens... A lot... More often then you know. I mean let's cut the shit here, if half of all marriages end in divorce, then there's bound to be a few who got "divorced" before they got married, and for good reason too... When it becomes more about the wedding and less about the marriage, you're doing yourself a favor.
Bridey, I'm not saying that it will happen to you, but God forbid (as my mother would say) it does, I promise you, you'll need some guidance. So here it is... And my biggest piece of advice? Do it before the enormity of the situation has sunk in.
1. Act fast. If you are calling off your wedding, then time is of the essence. Remember how aggressive you were planning the wedding? Well, add warp speed to that. Because your guests will need to change their plans too (cancel airfare, hotel rooms, etc.). Get the word out there immediately. I know it's embarrassing, and that you'd rather hide under the covers and wish it all away, but bridey? There's no time for that shit. Pull it together (for now); I'll let you know when it's time to lose it. But, we're not there yet. So get it together. And don't beat around the bush. Send something like this... From your parents "I'm sorry to inform you that the marriage of Bridey and Groomy, has been cancelled."
2. Call your vendors ASAP! Depending on how close you are to your wedding date, there may still be time to get some of your money back. If they can re-book the date, then there's a chance that the only thing you'll lose out on is the deposit. So get to it! Um, and while your at it? Cancel your honeymoon. You'll probably get screwed with the airfare, but the hotel cancellation policies are usually within 24-48 hours of the arrival date.
3. You've got to return the gifts. Trust me, you'll want to. Right now, everything and anything is a reminder (which can still hurt even if you're the one calling it off). That stupid egg poacher (which you will never use) will suddenly have some sort of emotional value, so get rid of it! Now!
4. Look down. No, not in shame, bridey. Look down at your finger. Are you still wearing your engagement ring? Were you the one who called off the wedding? Well, then that sucker needs to be returned to it's rightful owner. You don't have to be the one to return it, but it does have to make it's way back. (If he called it off, then pawn that fucker.)
5. Okay. Now it's time to lose it. But, before you do... Find a therapist. Because even if you were the one who called the whole thing off, you'll still be dealing with a tremendous amount of turmoil and guilt. The obvious guilt for hurting the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but it's the not so obvious guilt that will plague you. What must everybody think of you and your decision? How much money did it cost them? Etc., etc. etc.... So, get help, bridey. And do it quickly.
So, there you have it. I hope none of you find yourselves in this position, but if you do, I hope this helps. Most importantly, bridey? Your wedding lasts for one day. Your marriage? Forever. So, if forever feels daunting to you, then quit while you're ahead, and call it off.
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