***I was thinking about this crazy chick the other day, so I thought I would share this insane story with you again. The reason I thought about her? Well, I had a moment like, "I wonder whatever happened to whatsherface..." Know what I mean? Then I realized that I didn't give a shit.***
February 5, 2013:
It's the truth hurts Tuesday brideys! And boy do I have a story for you! The best part of this story (actually, more like the worst)? It happened to me. And looking back, I definitely should have and could have handled it better, but frankly I feel like I never should have been in this situation in the first place. Actually, that's why I am choosing to share this story with you so that if you are in a similar position as a bride-to-be, you won't do what this bride did. I mean, she completely put me on the spot and forced a reaction from me that was kind, but not truthful. Any idea where I am going with this brideys?
Here's a hint... Don't ask a very new friend (new as in you've known her for about two months) to be your MAID OF HONOR! It's a hell of an honor and a huge responsibility, so if you don't know somebody well enough, then you might not realize just how much you are asking of them. Instead of the honor that it should be, it may feel more like entrapment to your friend, and not only that, but she'll probably feel very, very uncomfortable.
Perhaps some of you are thinking, "What's wrong with asking a new friend to be in your wedding? Obviously she felt as though she had a strong enough connection with you to even ask." To which I would answer, "Yes, we definitely had a solid connection." But... "I didn't know her the way a friend should know a friend if they are accepting an invitation of such magnitude. And, she didn't ask me to be in her wedding, she asked me to be her maid of honor!"
So... what'd you do BB?
I have to admit, this happened before I was the well seasoned professional I am now (Bridey, I may have a trashy mouth, but I am definitely a pro!). Sooooo.... I didn't handle it well. I was mortified. I said "yes" initially, and it took me a week to politely decline her maid of honor invitation, and get out of being downgraded to a bridesmaid too... Yeah... I wanted completely out of this wedding. Obviously, this was not a easy conversation to have, but I knew I would ultimately let her down in the long run, so therefore it was important for me to be up front with her before I got in even deeper.
But, how did you do it? How'd you get out of it?
I took her out for a few cocktails, sucked down a giant martini, and laid it all out there. I know this will surprise you bridey, but I happen to be very blunt... HA! But, really I am. And if she hadn't caught me so off guard initially (at work, and right before we met up with a few girls for lunch), then I would like to think that I would have politely declined and let it go. That said I was absolutely determined to handle the bridal party breakup better than I had handled the proposal. When I told her how I felt, I was careful to explain myself without being a bitch, and to let her know that I had no intention of even being in the wedding. I would certainly be in attendance, but the responsibility of being part of the bridal party was too much, and I didn't think it would be fair to her.
Honestly, she handled it really well. Much better than I had expected, and we ended up having a pleasant evening together. Needless to say, the friendship took a hit, but I felt and still feel strongly that I made the right choice.
So, bridey... if you are in the "la-la love" stage with a new friend, awesome. Have fun and enjoy! But, let me be the one to tell you that if you are thinking about asking her to do the "honor" of being in your wedding, then use caution. I know it seems counterintuitive, but consider the impact on your newborn friendship if her reaction isn't not "yes". Got it?
What do you think? Have you ever been in a similar position?
Image via Hand Crafted Collectibles