I totally stole "Don't Fake it to Feel it Whatever You Do" from the band, Powers, specifically the song "Beat Of My Drum". It's just so perfect, right? Don't fake it to feel it whatever you do... I mean, you can attribute this line to so many areas of your life. The wrong significant other, the wrong group of friends, the wrong vibrator (yes I did!). But, today I really want to focus on how faking it to feel it can fuck with your wedding planning, your relationship, friendships and more. Bridey, stop camouflaging how you feel for the sake of your wedding, and do something about it! I mean... Faking anything for long enough will dull how you really feel, and before you know it, you'll start to believe that the fake feeling is the real thing. And, then? You'll never "make" it.
5 Scenarios When Faking it Won't Help You Make it:
1. I think the first one is pretty obvious. You're faking how you feel about your sig other with the hopes that you will feel it someday. And while you care deeply for him (or her), the whole "marriage thing" feels more like a prison sentence than getting the chance to shack up with the love of your life for the next 75 years. I've seen it a million times, and it sucks. Trust me, it's pretty horrific to watch a bride struggle with how she feels, and then walk down the aisle. And, no matter who I am in your life (your wedding planner, your mother, your BFF, etc.) I can't say anything because it's not my place, it's yours. So, woman up, and don't fake yourself out!
2. You're faking how you feel about your engagement ring. Ouch! Sounds trivial, right? I mean, it's just a ring; it's material... It doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Wrong! Bridey, your engagement ring is a symbol of love, devotion, fidelity, etc. and, if you hate it, don't fake it. Speak up! I've had friends and clients change their rings, and it's really not that big of a deal provided you handle the situation correctly. Don't go telling your sig other that you fucking hate the most expensive gift they've ever bought. But, do tell them that you imagined the ring differently, and would they mind if you changed it. You can't fake this one, bridey, because it'll never change unless you change it.
3. You're faking how you feel about wedding planning. Every time you're asked how the wedding plans are coming along, and you lie. You tell them that, "it's going great!" or "running smoothly", but in reality you want to blow your fucking head off! Shit costs a hell of a lot more than you thought, planning is annoying and time consuming, and if your mom wouldn't have your head, you'd totally elope; you'd dump the wedding industry... So don't fake it! Bridey, you have to ask for help! If you can afford a wedding planner, then hire somebody to help you who knows what they're doing. If you can't afford a wedding planner, then ask your friends (preferably the ones who were recently married) to help you. There is no need to fake how you feel about wedding planning because you'll never make it if you don't ask for help!
4. You're faking how you feel about your guest list. This is a BIG one. SO many brides I have worked with feel like the guest list is amongst the most stressful, argument-inducing, family-war-starting, part of wedding planning. The guest list is tough. The guest list is brutal. The guest list sucks. It affects everything you touch; specifically the budget. The more people attending the wedding, the more money you spend. PERIOD.
So, bridey, if you and your sig other are paying for the wedding by yourselves, then politely put your foot down when it comes to inviting peeps you don't want on the "A" list. If you're not paying for the wedding, and you are receiving help, then you have to be flexible with the list, and then get creative when it comes to the seating plans. But, speak your mind, let go of the "fake", and be transparent. Your wedding isn't worth losing precious family relationships. Seriously, if having Aunt Ida at your wedding is super important to your mom, and she's paying for the wedding, then let her send the invite.
5. You're faking how you feel about where your money is being allocated. Totally connected to #4. Speak your mind when it comes to the guest list. Allocate your wedding budget in the areas that are most important to you and your sig other. If you love food and booze, then make cuts elsewhere. If the look and feel (design) of your wedding is most important, then go nuts with flowers, linen, lighting, etc., and be frugal with the entertainment. But, figure out what is most important to you (both) in the beginning! Be honest with yourself and your sig other.
Bridey, see how important it is to feel it instead of faking it whatever you do? Don't let your wedding plans fake you into feeling something you don't. Got it?
Image via The Unbounded Spirit