The Truth Hurts Tuesday

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Don't Fake it to Feel It Whatever You Do... 5 Scenarios When Faking it Won't Help You Make it...

I totally stole "Don't Fake it to Feel it Whatever You Do" from the band, Powers, specifically the song "Beat Of My Drum". It's just so perfect, right? Don't fake it to feel it whatever you do... I mean, you can attribute this line to so many areas of your life. The wrong significant other, the wrong group of friends, the wrong vibrator (yes I did!). But, today I really want to focus on how faking it to feel it can fuck with your wedding planning, your relationship, friendships and more. Bridey, stop camouflaging how you feel for the sake of your wedding, and do something about it! I mean... Faking anything for long enough will dull how you really feel, and before you know it, you'll start to believe that the fake feeling is the real thing. And, then? You'll never "make" it.

5 Scenarios When Faking it Won't Help You Make it:

1. I think the first one is pretty obvious. You're faking how you feel about your sig other with the hopes that you will feel it someday. And while you care deeply for him (or her), the whole "marriage thing" feels more like a prison sentence than getting the chance to shack up with the love of your life for the next 75 years. I've seen it a million times, and it sucks. Trust me, it's pretty horrific to watch a bride struggle with how she feels, and then walk down the aisle. And, no matter who I am in your life (your wedding planner, your mother, your BFF, etc.) I can't say anything because it's not my place, it's yours. So, woman up, and don't fake yourself out!

2. You're faking how you feel about your engagement ring. Ouch! Sounds trivial, right? I mean, it's just a ring; it's material... It doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Wrong! Bridey, your engagement ring is a symbol of love, devotion, fidelity, etc. and, if you hate it, don't fake it. Speak up! I've had friends and clients change their rings, and it's really not that big of a deal provided you handle the situation correctly. Don't go telling your sig other that you fucking hate the most expensive gift they've ever bought. But, do tell them that you imagined the ring differently, and would they mind if you changed it. You can't fake this one, bridey, because it'll never change unless you change it. 

3. You're faking how you feel about wedding planning. Every time you're asked how the wedding plans are coming along, and you lie. You tell them that, "it's going great!" or "running smoothly", but in reality you want to blow your fucking head off! Shit costs a hell of a lot more than you thought, planning is annoying and time consuming, and if your mom wouldn't have your head, you'd totally elope; you'd dump the wedding industry... So don't fake it! Bridey, you have to ask for help! If you can afford a wedding planner, then hire somebody to help you who knows what they're doing. If you can't afford a wedding planner, then ask your friends (preferably the ones who were recently married) to help you. There is no need to fake how you feel about wedding planning because you'll never make it if you don't ask for help!

4. You're faking how you feel about your guest list. This is a BIG one. SO many brides I have worked with feel like the guest list is amongst the most stressful, argument-inducing, family-war-starting, part of wedding planning. The guest list is tough. The guest list is brutal. The guest list sucks. It affects everything you touch; specifically the budget. The more people attending the wedding, the more money you spend. PERIOD.

So, bridey, if you and your sig other are paying for the wedding by yourselves, then politely put your foot down when it comes to inviting peeps you don't want on the "A" list. If you're not paying for the wedding, and you are receiving help, then you have to be flexible with the list, and then get creative when it comes to the seating plans. But, speak your mind, let go of the "fake", and be transparent. Your wedding isn't worth losing precious family relationships. Seriously, if having Aunt Ida at your wedding is super important to your mom, and she's paying for the wedding, then let her send the invite.

5. You're faking how you feel about where your money is being allocated. Totally connected to #4. Speak your mind when it comes to the guest list. Allocate your wedding budget in the areas that are most important to you and your sig other. If you love food and booze, then make cuts elsewhere. If the look and feel (design) of your wedding is most important, then go nuts with flowers, linen, lighting, etc., and be frugal with the entertainment. But, figure out what is most important to you (both) in the beginning! Be honest with yourself and your sig other. 

Bridey, see how important it is to feel it instead of faking it whatever you do? Don't let your wedding plans fake you into feeling something you don't. Got it?

Image via The Unbounded Spirit

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Quit Your Bitchin, Bridey

I wrote this article for the Huffington Post in 2012, and I was inspired because of a particularly difficult bride I had the joy of working with, who literally drove me the brink of insanity. The reason I am sharing it with you today? Well, because in the last week I have heard several stories of brides behaving badly. Whining, complaining, and simply irritating the fuck out of everybody around them. I don't know if people tell me these stories because they know what I do, or what, but either way, I thought a simple reminder to QUIT BITCHIN' was in order... So, read up ladies!!

September, 2012:

After an amazing weekend filled with rehearsal dinners, beautiful weddings, “morning after” brunches, everything hurts; everything aches; everything cracks. I feel like an old lady hobbling around looking for my cane. But, the worst pain? My head. And my head hurts from too much thinking, and over thinking, and even MORE thinking, and not from drinking (like I’m used to). Seriously... The funny thing? My head doesn’t hurt because of the lovely bride and groom from the wedding this past Saturday... It hurts from the endless emails and texts I received from my UPCOMING clients that either ask or say the most ridiculous crap. Simply whining about everything because they feel “so taken advantage of”, and their “patience for this wedding stuff is running thin”. Really?

If you missed my post last week on Bitchless Bride, I mentioned that I had an addiction. That I couldn’t stop “using”, and that no matter how hard I tried, I was simply “addicted to yes“. And while I openly admitted to my horrendous compulsion, to enabling my brides, and to just “making it happen”, I must state for the record that I hate that I do it. I hate that it’s EXPECTED for me to continue to “use”. But, I do have my limits, and because it’s only the beginning of the fall wedding season, I have to pace myself. But, I need your help brideys.

Seriously, I need for you to quit whining... Quit whining about all of the aspects of planning your wedding that we have no control over. Certain prices are fixed. Certain aspects are truly non-negotiable. And emailing me every second of the day isn’t going to change that. Because even I can’t “yes” my way to changing the industry “norm”.

Like your wedding dress alterations? Yeah, they’re expensive, and oftentimes non-negotiable. You know why? Because you’re literally paying somebody to rip apart your very expensive wedding dress (yeah, the one that you only get to wear once), put it back together, and make it perfect for your perfect wedding day. Okay? This won’t be cheap. And I’m sorry, but if you want those unbelievable flowers on your wedding cake that “look so incredibly real”, then yes, you have to pay extra for them. And no, you are not being punished.... You’re simply paying for a service. You’re paying for a product. And you’re paying for time. So get over it or don’t get it. 

I mean, let’s get real people. I refuse to believe that you’d walk into Valentino or Burberry and ask WHY the amazing dress in the window is so expensive when you could just make it yourself. Or HOW COME the sunglasses don’t come with the dress. Really? Come on.... Please. So why are you constantly surprised when the wedding industry demands to be paid for quality and time? I’m tired of apologizing for what every other industry “gets away with”. 

Brideys, the minute you got engaged, you signed on an invisible dotted line, and although you might not have realized it, you signed up for all of the shenanigans that go with planning your wedding. But seriously, like you didn’t know your wedding was going to be expensive? I don’t care if your budget is $10,000 or $100,000. A wedding is not cheap. Seriously, look at the numbers... The wedding industry is a 55 BILLION dollar industry (in the US)… PER YEAR. It didn’t get to be that way because everybody is working for free. It got that way because you are buying an experience; you are buying talent; you are buying memories. And you know what? It’s fucking expensive. That’s it. PERIOD THE END. 

So quit whining about it! It is what it is. Just resign yourself to the fact that you’re part of it now. Resign yourself to the fact that you don’t have to like it; you just have to stop complaining about it.

Image via YouQueen

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** What if Your Vendors Reviewed You, Bridey?

Recently, I had the opportunity to work with a truly amazing bride. She was friendly, organized and considerate of every single person who had a hand in the wedding planning. This chick was even friendly to those who didn’t have a hand in the wedding planning, but wished they did (like her soon-to-be MIL who I know was driving her crazy!). Totally a Bitchless bride! And, as I was placing the final touches at the venue, and bullshitting with the DJ, both of us said how great it was working with her because as we both know, it could go either way. And after we traded a few horror stories about crazy, bitchy brides of the past, he said, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could review them?” I stopped in my tracks... Holy shit. It would be great if we could review our brides. It would be fabulous if we could review our brides! It might even be life changing, for vendors and brides alike. But, how?

Well, think about it, bridey... If there was an outlet, similar to YelpWeddingWire, etc. where following your wedding, your vendors could write a review about you and your behavior/attitude while planning, would that impact how you conducted yourself? Wait! Before you answer the question, allow me to keep going for a bit... What if this outlet was powerful enough to alter the course of your professional life? Similar to the way a negative review can wreak havoc on our business, a negative review could potentially ruin a fantastic job opportunity for you, bridey (like it does for us), get you fired (as it can for us), and completely soil your reputation as you know it.

Imagine if a potential (or even your current) employer "Googled" you, and could read about how you treated your wedding vendors without hearing "your side of the story". Scary, right? Pretty fucked up? Yes! Because in their eyes? These reviews reveal a lot about how you behave under pressure, and how you treat people in the process... Bridey, if you were a raving lunatic or even had one looney moment, you'd probably have some explaining to do or maybe you'd miss a chance to land the next big career move; pretty damaging for some of you. Right?

Now, bridey, answer the question... If there was a site for vendors to review brides in the same way you very publicly review us, would that change your behavior during wedding planning? Would it change how you treat people knowing that your behavior and conduct could leave a lasting impression not only on your vendors, but on your career too?

Image via Box University Blog

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, It's Time to STOP Apologizing! Except When You do These 10 Things...

I've stopped apologizing. Seriously. I'm done apologizing for stupid shit. Sure, if I make a mistake or if I owe somebody an apology, then I will apologize to them, but other than that? I'm all done. I'm done apologizing when it's unnecessary. And you know what, bridey? You should be too. Seriously, ever find yourself in somebody's way at the store and realize that your very first instinct is to say, "I'm sorry"? Have you ever stopped and wondered why? Because, are you really sorry for looking at the same t-shirt or cereal as somebody else at the same time? I'm not. But, we are wired to think that we are inconveniencing somebody somehow simply by standing where we're standing. And lately? If I'm not done looking at the t-shirt in question (or reading the cereal box), then I'm not moving, and I'm not sorry. Good for you BB, but... how is this relevant to wedding planning? Well, bridey, you do it all the time! You apologize unnecessarily, and then you don't apologize when it's necessary!

Look, I promise to tell you when you need to apologize, but apologizing because you don't understand terms of a vendor contract or because you can't wrap your head around a service you are paying for? That's just silly! It's important for you to understand everything you are paying for and receiving, and frankly it's important for you not to apologize in the process.

Bridey, I know that I have spent a lot of time busting your chops for your sometimes entitled bullshit behavior, but I've also made it a point to educate you and stand up for you while you plan your wedding. Because I understand that it's difficult to plan a wedding on top of the countless other responsibilities you are busy juggling. I understand that most of you haven't had the pleasure of wedding planning, and therefore you have a lot of questions. It's normal, and it's okay. So, rather than apologizing for it, own it! You're not supposed to have all of the answers. You're not supposed to know what makes "the industry" tick or how attrition works in regards to food and beverage or guest rooms, etc.. So, it's completely acceptable for you to ask questions and get answers. No apology necessary.

When should you say you're sorry? Here are the top 10 moments when an apology is necessary: 

1. Apologize when you're being an entitled bitch. We get it, you're getting married! It doesn't give you carte blanche to be mean.
2. Apologize for getting pissed off because a vendor had the audacity to work on Saturday and couldn't meet you when you wanted them to.
3. Apologize for not being flexible with your vendors (see #2).
4. Apologize for being rude to your mom, sig other, MOH, etc. in front of your wedding vendors.
5. Apologize for monopolizing all of my fucking time going over and over the flowers, décor, linens, etc., etc., etc., once we've already made a decision.
6. Apologize for not being able to make a decision. Promptly.
7. Apologize when you miss an appointment because you had to get to the gym. REALLY!?
8. Apologize for keeping me waiting (see #7).
9. Apologize when you say you need a "quick minute to chat", and an hour goes by.
10. Apologize for paying your deposits, final payments, etc. late.

Bridey, this list could be a hell of a lot longer, but what I'm hoping you'll take away from this article is knowing and understanding when you should apologize, and when you shouldn't. Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless! 

Image via The Odyssey Online

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Bridey, Five Ways Not to be a Nightmare Disguised as a Daydream

Yup, I totally just stole a line from Taylor Swift, but why come up with another awesome line when one already exists? Right? Anyway, the point is, right now, so many of you are recently engaged, and while I truly believe that you don't think you're a nightmare, inevitably, the majority of you? Yeah, you're going turn into a fucking nightmare, and totally think you're a dreamboat. The fix? Well, leave that to me. Here are five ways to avoid turning into your very own nightmare disguised as a daydream:

1. Bridey, remember that just because you are getting married doesn't mean that everyone else is. All of your friends and family? Well, they're probably in different phases of their lives, and therefore it shouldn't be surprising to you that after the allotted "honeymoon" phase of your engagement, you will lose their undivided attention. Because some friends? Well, some are jealous of what you have, some are having babies, some are getting divorced, and some just don't give a shit about your wedding! So, bridey, remember that this is yourphase, and not everyone is in it with you. 

2. Be a good listener. Those phases I just mentioned? Well, your friends and family will probably want/need some air time once you've finished talking about what's on your mind. Yes, bridey, you're newly engaged and dying to talk and obsess about every painstaking detail of your wedding day, but your friends have shit happening in their lives too. So, listen! And care! Give them the floor once in a while. Breathe. It's not about you all of the time...

3. Uh-oh... The P word! Um, I'm talking about perspective!! Yup! You're wedding is one day out of your entire life, bridey. One.fucking.day. And there's a ton of shit you'll probably have to overcome with your partner after that one day. Personally? I dealt with nearly losing my hus to pulmonary embolisms (less than a year after we were married). And then there was the whole IVF journey. What a shitshow... (Yeah, you spend all of your 20s trying NOT to get pregnant, and when you're finally ready, you can't! WTF?) And then several ups and downs thereafter... So, while I look back at my wedding day fondly, I usually find myself reflecting on the marriage, and our concrete foundation, not the day.

4. You don't know shit. You are new to this whole wedding planning bit, so quit pretending like you know everything. Do your research. And, no that doesn't mean "pin" your research, I mean really do your research, bridey. Research your wedding as if you're going to spend the equivalent of a down payment for a home on one day... Oh wait... You are! So, own it bridey! Own the shit out of your wedding! Know what you're getting yourself into. Make a point of understanding what things cost in the industry. Hire professionals to help you do so. Either way, educate yourself, and do it honestly! Act as though there was a price tag on every pin. 

5. Be fucking nice... to everyone. Because, bridey, in my world? You are a nightmare first, and then, if you're lucky, you become my daydream. And, if you're nice and genuine? Then people (inside of the industry and out) will genuinely want to help you plan your wedding. They will care about the details, they will care how you feel about the linen or food or wedding cake, and most of all, they will care about you! But, if you treat everyone like crap, then you will get crap in return. 

Got it?

Image via magic4walls

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Later to Launch? Why Couples Should Get Married Later...

So, the other day, I felt like a total adult. Like, so adulty, that it made me feel uncomfortable. Why? Well, my hus and I took a long overdue trip to the attorney's office to sign our wills, health care proxies, and other important documents so that we could protect our kids from any additional anguish should the worst case scenario become a reality. Wouldn't you say that I am officially an adult? I know! Right? Ugh. It was a tough day, but necessary!

The reason I'm writing about this? Well, Mr. Attorney said something to me that I couldn't shake in regards to when my kids should have access to their trusts (when we actually have $$ to give them!). He said that age 35 is the new 25. What does that mean? Well, depending on how my kids develop (and who they develop into), giving them access to a decent sum of money without a chaperone (the executor), could be a mistake. I mean... Who's to say that my future, 25 year-old daughter wouldn't blow it on shoes or, gulp, drugs, instead of a wedding or down payment??? Right? When I went to fight him on this point, he said that "kids these days are later to launch..." That phrase totally stopped me (and my argument) dead in my tracks. Why? Because he's right!

I'm in my late 30s, and my parents and most of my friends' parents got married and had kids by 25(ish). Seems totally insane, right? Seriously, I couldn't even imagine having a kid in my 20s, let alone being responsible for his/her well-being! And, when you look at the trend as far as age in relation to weddings these days, people are getting married later in their lives because, they are later to launch! They are leaving their parents homes later, they are settling into their careers later, they are finding love later. So, it makes sense that they are getting married later. And later is better for a lot of reasons. Why?

1. You're done weeding. Huh? You're done weeding out the bullshit. You've dated and dated, and now you know what you want. Gone are the days of sowing oats... Now, you're aged to perfection, and you only want one oat to sow.

2. In the same way you know what you want in a partner, you have a better understanding of what your wedding will look like. More of what you want, less of what other people want, and most likely, more of your own money. You begin to think practically and take responsibility for that practicality.

3. Perspective. Yup! My favorite word. You care more about the person you're going to marry, and your life after the wedding, than the wedding itself. I mean, you're excited about your wedding day, but it's not the only day you will look back on fondly... Especially when you have your whole lives to look forward to!

4. It's not your parent's wedding, it's yours, and the people on the "A" list are on the only list. Not to mention, they actually want to be there. An added bonus? You know everybody who's coming. 

5. You're used to yourself, and you like who you've become. No more "faking it until you make it". Or settling. You'd rather be alone than settle for the wrong dude (or lady).

So, later to launch...? Okay Mr. Attorney, I understand what you're saying, and now that I've had time to let it marinate, I'm going to rest my case.

Image via marie claire

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Bride Without a Ring, and a Wedding Without a Date

Bridey, have you heard the phrase, "No ring, no bring."? Usually this is in reference to whether or not one of your guests can bring a date to your wedding, but today, I am applying a new meaning to the phrase... How about, "No ring, no bring... YOUR ass in for an appointment. Because there is nothing I hate more than a "bride" without a ring. And, you know what? I'm not alone. Because all of us (your wedding vendors), have wasted a ton of time describing and selling our services, showcasing venue space, and bending over backwards for a "bride" without a ring. And guess what happens next? The "bride" doesn't get engaged, or the engagement is much further down the road than she thought, or the sig other wasn't "the one", blah blah blah...

Look, I know it's exciting just thinking about getting engaged, but it really doesn't count unless one of you has done the asking and one of you has done the accepting. Right? So, making appointments (or... eeeek, just walking into a venue without an appointment) is actually rude. I mean, it's like test driving a car knowing that you have another year on your lease or house hunting without establishing your budget. Honestly? It's a fucking waste of time, and just like you, wedding vendors are busy. So, if you're a future bride-to-be, it's totally cool that you're starting to explore weddingy things, and weddingy blogs, and all things weddingy, etc. because you're exploring on your own time, but when it begins to spill over onto my watch? Well, that's when you've gone too far.

Look, bridey-to-be, I'm not judging you, I swear! I get that you are excited about the next step in your life, and that you want to be prepared. It's a thrilling phase! And, planning a wedding is a huge undertaking, so why not get a head start? Right? And, depending on where you live, securing a venue and popular vendors can be brutal. But, as much as I am not judging you right now, I will start judging you the second you make start making arrangements for your wedding without a date, as a bride without a ring. For now? Stick to Pinterest!

The worst part of this equation is that these bride-to-be wannabes are usually quite lovely, and are simply letting their anxiousness about getting engaged get the best of them. I know because I have met with these almost brides, and sadly, when I follow up with them, they're either still in a holding pattern or they've broken up. And as badly as I feel (particularly when it's the latter scenario), I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little piece of me that would be pissed off upon hearing the news. Totally an involuntarily feeling, but often, the first thought to cross my mind following the conversation. Because, no matter the situation, nobody wants to feel as though their time has been wasted, especially when there are engaged brides out there willing to make a commitment.

So, wannabe-bridey, thinking that your engagement is around the corner? Congratulations! But, hold the champagne, and the planning, until you've got a ring on it... Got it?

Image via Genesis Diamonds

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Don't be a Bitch on Your Wedding Day! 6 Tips to Get Rid of the Bridey Bitch!

I've written quite a bit about how to not be a bitch while planning your wedding, but it dawned on me that I haven't really touched on why it's so important not to be a bitch on your wedding day. Bridey, I think it's safe to say that your wedding day is filled with a tangled web of emotions; happiness, elation, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc.... All perfectly normal... And, sometimes when we're filled with that kind of emotion, it's easy to go one of two ways... Euphoria or bridaldemia, and it's up to you to choose the better of the two.

The reason I'm mentioning this? Well, after an extremely busy weekend filled with two weddings, and everything you can think of in between, I realized that my very lovely brides each took on one of the two aforementioned emotions. And, frankly, I was shocked. Both were super detailed oriented, although easy to work with during the wedding planning (they must be avid readers of BB), and both had relatively supportive families. So, what made one bride go batshit crazy on her wedding day and one continue to be her fabulous self? THAT is a good fucking question!

And while I don't have the answer, I can tell you who had a better wedding day experience. If you guessed bridey B, then you guessed right. Bridey B was relaxed and happy. She took in each and every moment of the day, totally let go of "wedding planning mode", and slipped into something much more comfortable, her wedding day. While Bridey A was argumentative with anybody who dared crossed her path. Honestly? It was strange; something I didn't see coming based on our planning experience.

So, bridey, I got to thinking about what can we do to alleviate Bridey A from presenting herself on your wedding day, and here's what I came up with: 

1. Alcohol. Just kidding!! Well, sort of... I hate to admit that it was the first thing that came to mind! However, if you are careful not to get piss drunk, then there is nothing wrong with a cocktail as you are getting ready to walk down the aisle. Just be sure to nourish yourself with delicious food and plenty of water, and surround yourself with your favorite ladies!

2. Timing is everything. As a planner, I build a TON of extra time into the getting ready piece of the wedding day. I do this because inevitably there is always something (or someone) who will throw you off track, and there is nothing more stress inducing than being late. So, give yourself a lot of extra time.

3. Breathe. Seriously. What's done is done, bridey, so freaking out about the details on the day of your wedding will get you nowhere. Simply relax and breathe. Remember, that at the end of the day (quite literally), you will have gotten married to the man (or woman) you are going to spend the rest of your life with, right? How awesome is that? YAHOO! So, don't allow your anxiety and nerves to win. It will show through in your photographs, and for what? Shit that won't matter...

4. Let it go. Oh dear God. UGH! I just started singing that fucking song... But, perhaps Idina Menzel had a point. Bridey, you've got to let it go, and let yourself off of the hook. The wedding planning was the tough part, but it's over, and you made it! So, enjoy it! Be present because you deserve it! Take in each and every moment, because even though it took you a good year to plan this day, it will be over in a flash!

5. Liaise. Huh? Pick your most dependable friend or family member, and have her be your liaison. Have her field the inevitable plethora of questions that arise (mostly stupid shit, but enough to cause some stress) on your wedding day. She can tell Aunt Stupid where she's supposed to be and when for photographs, not you. She can give her cell to the limo driver to call when he's ten minutes away... Etc., etc.... You get my point!

6. Make it happen, bridey. Make yourself chill the fuck out. If you feel like you're spinning out of control, then slow your roll, grab the reins, and get your shit together. We've all had days where we refused to give into our panicked psyche, and pulled ourselves out of a rut. Right? So, do it, or forever hold your peace.

Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!!

Image via Your Wedding Guide

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Whose Wedding is it Anyway?

The other day, I received an email from a really cool, recently engaged bride. And as excited as she is about being engaged, she's totally lost and a bit discombobulated as she begins her wedding planning journey. Her main obstacles? Well, just like most newly engaged brides, she needs to find her bearings; she feels lost as to where to begin with the wedding plans. And, on top of that giant obstacle, she's missing her amazing mom (she passed away sometime ago) who, "... was a great visionary artistically and would have been so helpful and well, it is what it is. Not complaining, just a little anxious I guess." (OMG. Sniff. Sniff.) Finally, my girl is literally all over the map when it comes to a location for her wedding as she finds herself worrying about her guests making the trip. WOW. I can totally see why she's feeling overwhelmed. Did I mention that she wants a fall wedding. OF 2016?!! Oh dear God!

Okay... So, let's take a deep breath and start at the beginning, shall we? You're engaged! YAY! It's so exciting, and overwhelming at the same time. In-between looking down at your ring every five minutes, and all of the congratulatory FaceBook notifications, it's awesome (but, in the frightening way). Seriously, with every admiration of that FAB engagement ring, inevitably the next question is, "When are you getting married?". Right? RIGHT. And, it feels like it should be so easy to plan a wedding because there is a shitload of advice and "how to's" out there about where to begin, right? Right. So, what's the problem? Well, not all of the advice out there is good advice, and considering that the majority of you are new to to wedding planning, it's tough to decipher what's good, and what's crap.

It's funny to me, because you know what's missing from all of that "expert" wedding planning advice out there? The one BIG, yet extremely simple question whose answer will act as your wedding planning guide? Hold on... Allow me to step onto my soapbox... Ready? Ahem... "What is important to you (and your sig other), bridey?" PERIOD. Easy, right? I mean, whose wedding is it anyway? It's YOURS! So, own it like you would anything else in your life. Take a step back and ask yourself what's most important. We pretty much ask this question while tackling any other obstacle we take on in our lives, yes? So, start simply. Ask yourself what's most important, and you'd be amazed at how quickly the rest will fall into place. 

Getting back to my overwhelmed, missing her mom, on the never ending road trip to finding the best wedding venue, bride? Obviously, I asked her what is most important to her (and her sig other), but I also suggested that she let go of the bullshit. Stop trying to please everybody because it never works. She and her man have been to several weddings, across the country (and world for that matter), so to get sidetracked on location because you are being considerate of your guests (is nice, but...) is a roadblock. So, get rid of it. You've traveled the world for your friends and family, and they will either do the same for you, or they won't. Of course, you hope that everybody on your list will attend your wedding (even in Timbuktu), or most everybody, but even if you had it in your backyard, bridey, there are no guarantees, so let yourself off of the hook.

No matter how long your mom has been gone, planning a wedding without her still hurts. And, while there is nothing I can say to take that pain away, what I can do, is suggest is to subtly include her memory into your planning, and into your wedding day. Bridey, how you choose to do this is personal and will be different for each of you. Just be careful not to get overly indulgent, and remember that your mom would have wanted you to be happy while you plan and also on your wedding day.

Bottom line? Planning a wedding is exciting and overwhelming. So, when in doubt, just ask yourself, "Whose wedding is it anyway?"

Image via Little Vegas Wedding

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Sometimes I feel guilty when I post a FLASHBACK, but then I realize that if I already have a fantastic post, why reinvent the wheel? Right? I'm still getting my point across, and some of you haven't taken the time to go back and read everything I've ever written, so why the hell not? Anyway, bridey, absorb this one... This is like the worst thing you can do to a wedding planner, event manager (at a venue), etc. Everything worked out in the end (regarding my situation), but I still think back, and resent the hell out of the bride who asked me to jump through hoops when I was down for the count. Don't forget to check out the comments too!

May 26, 2015:

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Bridal Party Etiquette

When I resurrect a juicy post, it's usually for a reason. It's come to my attention that brides are still being bitchy no matter how hard I try to prevent this from being the case. So, re-educate yourselves, and don't forget to read the comments from way back in February of 2013:

Bridey, so I know that you are the one getting married, and you are the one spending a ton of money on your big day, and that you are in charge of the building the perfect bridal party, but let's get one thing straight, okay? Don't be a bitch to the women you are asking to stand at the altar with you. Period. I am getting so tired of witnessing or hearing about bitch-ass brideys behaving like total diva assholes to the women they supposedly love enough to have them share such a personal experience with... So STOP IT. 

Yes I am being hard on you, but most of you deserve it. Sorry, but you do. Because this shit keeps happening... Although, because I care about your well being, and in order to help you to avoid creating drama surrounding your wedding day, I have decided to give you five rules to follow to prevent you from fucking up your relationships with your maids (possibly forever). 

1. Don't even think about asking one, or some of the girls to lose weight before your wedding. Not only are you going to hurt their feelings, but it's just rude. Accept them for who they are and what they look like, but please don't ask them to make such a personal sacrifice for you. If they haven't done it for themselves already, then odds are they are not going to do it for you (although they may try unsuccessfully), and then you've opened up a whole other can of worms. And trust me, your friendship will never be the same. I promise. 

2. It's not okay for you to ask your bridesmaids not to get pregnant. Seriously, that'd be like if they asked to hold off on getting married. Right? If you are choosing these girls to be in your wedding, then obviously you care about them. And if you care about them, then you must respect their life choices just as they are respecting yours. So, get out of their bedroom and be a supportive friend!

3. Do not assume that your bridesmaids have a whole year to dedicate to your wedding. What do you mean BB? Well, bridey, I mean that if you want to have "weekly wedding meetings" and you feel as though some of your bridesmaids "just aren't too into it", let it go. Your bridesmaids are responsible for leading their own lives, and as much as they want to participate in every aspect of your wedding as they can, to some of the girls it might feel like work. And you know what? That's okay. Because bridey, I bet if you are honest with yourself, then you know in advance who these girls will be, and ultimately it's your fault because you asked them to be in your wedding. You don't get to be surprised when they don't seem all that into it when you knew from the beginning that it was a possibility. Again, accept them as is or don't ask them to be in your wedding. 

4. This one really pisses me off... Don't assume the financial situation of anybody in your bridal party. You are not allowed to get upset if some of your bridesmaids can't make it to the shower (or showers), the bachelorette party, etc. because it's a plane ride away. They are already investing in your wedding with a dress they can't wear again (let's be honest), a gift, their time, etc. etc. etc. So, again, let it go if somebody can't make a trip or two or... wait for it... they choose not to... Got it?

5. I find this one shocking. Really I do. And it's not like it's a big deal, but it bothers me every time it comes up... Brideys, if your bridesmaids want to cut or color their hair, it's none of your fucking business. You are not the boss of their lives... Okay, so unless one of your girls is rocking a mohawk, then shut your mouths. These girls are supposed to be your friends, brideys. So, if you want them to still be your friends after the wedding, you'll keep your mouth shut! Seriously, are your photographs really going to be ruined because one of the maids went from blond to red???

Brideys, this post is a bit more harsh than some, but I know you can handle it. I tell the truth because I care. I truly have your best interests in mind, and not only want your wedding day to be the best day of your life, but I want you to have friends in your life afterward... Got it?

Photo Cred: {Types of Bitches Blog}

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ None and Done? Bridey, Here's Why You Should Believe Your Sig Other When They Say They Don't Want Kids...

So, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a truly incredible man last night. Like a super gregarious, super funny and super full of life kind of dude. He's the kind of guy that sucks you into the vortex of his crazy little world, has his way with you, and spits you out better than you started. Noooooo, it's not like that, bridey, I'm married with two kids, remember?!! And, I love the shit out of my hus! But, I was definitely drawn to his cool energy.

Anyway, we (the hus and I) were at a belated holiday party for company we do a lot of work with, and I ended up sitting next to this super fun guy who we will call, Abel. And, after a few bourbons and friendly convo, we got a bit more serious. Abel told me that he is officiating a wedding next month, and so we started to discuss the expectations of the B+G and the guests (ceremony length, readings, etc.), and ultimately this lead to a deeper discussion about marriage.

You see, Abel is divorced and for the same reason he divorced, his long term relationship ended. Why? Because Abel does not want children, and the women he committed to knew that he did not want kids, but thought they could change his mind. I never understood that shit... Seriously. Why we think we can change the fundamentals that make a person who they are is simply baffling. Clearly, this thought process is completely toxic and flawed for everybody involved. And yet, so many of us (ladies) still think that we can change the men (or women) we choose to be with or persuade them to falter to our wishes. What the fuck is that about? Right? But, to try to persuade somebody to have a baby when they don't want one? Yikes! I mean... That's a lifelong commitment, and I couldn't imagine wanting to have a baby with somebody who doesn't want kids. PERIOD.

And, this is not about liking kids. I like my own kids and pretty much hate everybody else's. Sorry, but not really. And, there are plenty of people who like kids, and like being around them, but just don't want to procreate. We all know these people, and usually they just want to be the "fun uncle" or the "fun aunt", and after spending the day with somebody else's kids, they want to give them back, and continue on with their hedonistic lives. Frankly? Sometimes I'm jealous! I mean, my kids are awesome, but there are definitely days when I wish I only had to worry about my own needs, not mine + two small human's needs.

The best part of this story is that Abel brought his girlfriend to the party (they celebrated their year anniversary last week), and she doesn't want kids either. There is no agenda. There is no persuading. There is no guilt. Just them. And, although I can't relate to not wanting kids, I can relate to resenting the shit out of trying to be forced into something I know I don't want. So, think twice, bridey. If your sig other is telling you that he (or she) doesn't want kids, and this is a deal breaker for you, then fucking listen.

Image via The Plaid Zebra

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ How Your Psyche Can Fuck with Your Wedding Plans

I've been busting some serious ass lately. Like, no bullshit, pushing myself HARD in every facet of my life. I've been killing myself at the gym (consistently), prospecting new clients at work, focusing on truly being present around my kids (as in, not having my head down in my phone) and basically tucking in my "Badass" cape at the end of the day, before starting it all over again tomorrow. And, you know why I'm choosing (because, it really is a choice) to bust ass, bridey? Because I have a lot of shit I want to accomplish, and if I don't feel good about myself then I won't push myself to make shit happen, and you know what? I am a make shit happen kind of girl. So, I have to feel good about myself.

What's my point? Well, I was thinking about how great I've feeling due to the ass I've been kicking, and when you feel like shit about yourself, the shit follows you around like a dark cloud. And, oftentimes that cloud equates to raining on your success and dreams. Sounds super dramatic and completely psycho-babbly, but when your outlook is negative everything else becomes negative too... Including your wedding plans. So, if you want to have a successful, non-stressful wedding planning experience, then strap on your "Badass" cape, and get shit done! Take care of yourself (first and foremost) and the things that are important to you. Because once you start, you'll be amazed at how easy your wedding planning will become, and pretty much everything else in your life too.

Sounds awesome, right? Sounds almost unachievable, right? So, how? Where do I find the "Badass" cape? How do I begin? Look, bridey, I could offer you a ton of motivational one-liners right now, but I won't. Because all you have to do is search Pinterest, and get you'll be swamped with motivation. You'll be inundated with quotes, and piles and piles of pins that will inspire you for days, even months. But, the motivation you need to make positive change while planning your wedding, and in your life, has to come from you or else it won't stick. But, it's worth tapping into because this "cape" will change your life... If you let it.

But, the cape of badassery comes with a price. You see, the cape forces you to look inward, and some of you peeps won't like what you see. I didn't. Well, I didn't like most of what I saw. But, what I did see was an opportunity to make change, and to change my perspective (where's my soapbox?). Bridey, you don't need a crystal ball. You just need to be honest with yourself. And, while honesty is the best policy, sometimes that shit is brutal!

I know it's not easy. But, once you get started, it all seems to fall into place. You'll get into a groove, and you'll be amazed at how easy some of the more difficult wedding planning tasks and delicate family situations become to handle. You'll be amazed at how easy getting what you want becomes simply because you are no longer negative (and bitchy). You'll be amazed how people will respond to you with positivity and want to help you. You'll be amazed at how rosy life seems to be even without the glasses. You get the point. All you have to do? Get your hands on that cape!

Image via Etsy

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 10 Life Experiences More Stressful Than Planning a Wedding

Bridey, I know that planning a wedding is stressful, and oftentimes, painstakingly brutal. So, today I thought I would open your eyes to ten life experiences more stressful than planning a wedding. Well, perhaps not more stressful, but definitely just as stressful for sure! And the crazy thing? Most of you have probably experienced at least 5 things on this list. It all comes down to perspective. I mean... Although it's difficult to imagine while you're in the midst of planning your wedding, there are life changes in which the stress trumps the angst you're feeling right now as you make your wedding plans.

So, bridey, I challenge you to take yourself back to the coping mechanisms you used to get through these tough times... Because, it's time to stop the bullshit excuses, and quit feeding into the bridezilla behavior. Your 100% better than that! Let's make the word "bride" synonymous with "awesome" instead of "bridezilla". Okay? Hopefully, looking at this list of stressful life experiences will help you put your wedding planning into perspective, and help you get through the wedding craziness (family dynamics, budget, etc.) Here are my thoughts (and not in any particular order):

1. Buying a House: Which inevitably means that you have to move, and both can be pretty brutal! I remember the day my hus and I closed on our house, and as exciting as it was, it was SUPER stressful! Providing all of the bank statements, W2s, etc. felt like a colossal task. And thennnnnn.... The move! Oye vey! Packing shit up, moving shit in, unpacking the shit. Yikes! 

2. College: I did well in school, but there wasn't enough Xanax in the world to calm my nerves before finals. I remember telling myself that, "By this time next week, it will all be over." Seriously, I would have traded planning a million weddings over taking an accounting final! But, I survived, and looking back, I wish I could have told myself to chill the fuck out, and quit getting in my own way.

3. Getting Fired: Sooooooo..... Forever ago, I was a hostess at a fine dining establishment, and was scheduled to work on an evening that my future hus (didn't know that at the time) had invited me to attend his summer outing for work. My boss said that if I missed that particular evening, she would fire me. And, you know what? She did. Money was tight for a few weeks after that, but I got through it... And who knows? Perhaps that was the night I sealed my fate with my husband.

4. Death: It's not easy to cope when a loved one passes away, but life eventually goes on, and we heal. Living through it is hard, and stressful. Kinda makes stressing over which passed hors d'oeuvres to select for cocktail hour seem miniscule, right?

5. Illness: Less than a year after I got married, my husband passed SEVERAL pulmonary embolisms through his heart and into his lungs. It was horribly scary (I was terrified that he would die, and it's a miracle he didn't!), and I hope to never go through anything that intensely horrific again. I'm pretty sure I dropped about 10 pounds in one week, and struggled with PTSD thereafter. Thankfully, he's doing great, but man... Talk about perspective!

6. Public Speaking: I don't usually have a problem with this, but sometimes it sneaks up on me. And for most people, it's painful. Right? I mean, oftentimes, there's sweating involved, racing hearts and sweaty palms. Ick! Super stressful!

7. Job Interview: "Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck it up." Yeah... That's what used to play over and over again in my head when I was interviewing. And, depending on the job at stake, interviewing takes preparation, poise and confidence. Throw in some competition for the position... Yikes! Totally exasperating! 

8. Pregnancy/Birth: Do I really have to elaborate? I have two incredible children, but man did I fight to have those little assholes. We went through IVF, and between the needles, blood draws, wands (that's my special word for an internal ultrasound or transvaginal ultrasound. Ewwwwww! Use your imagination!), and everybody and their mother seeing my vag... To say it was a stressful time in our lives would be a huge fucking understatement! I don't want to scare anybody out of getting pregnant, so I'll leave it there, but pregnancy? Birth? FUCKING STRESSFUL!

9. Parenthood: You know that joke about how babies/kids don't come with an instruction manual? Well, they don't. And there have been numerous times since my kids arrived that I totally would have sought from said manual if it existed! I LOVE being a mother, but I also like knowing what I'm doing, so sometimes it's really fucking hard.

10. Divorce: I mean... Think about all of that money you're spending on one day, bridey. Now imagine spending quadruple that amount, and not nearly getting everything you want. That's divorce!

Perspective. Perspective. Perspective. 

Image via Examined Existence

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Why Planning Your Wedding Actually IS a Full Time Job!

You know that nagging feeling when when someone says something to you that you just can't shake? And, in the long run, you know it's not a big deal, but mentally, you can't let it go? Well, I am having one of those moments. Last month, I wrote, "Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding", which was also featured on Huffington Post, and one of the comments stuck with me. Like, it's been nearly a month, and I just cannot let it go. I keep coming back to the article waving my hands in the air and swearing at the screen. The comment? Well, this woman said, "Are you kidding? It's not a full time job to plan a wedding and if it is, you're doing it wrong. Seriously, you've got to be kidding, it's not that hard." I know, right? What the fuck? (And, not for nothing, I'm curious what her wedding was like...)

The thing is, bridey, the woman who wrote this comment? She's not alone. Several people believe that planning a wedding is easy, and that you must be doing it "wrong" if you're stuck. And, as somebody who has planned a gazillion weddings, I can tell you with absolutely certainty that there is nothing easy about planning a wedding. I mean... Forget the décor, logistics and the wedding gown... That's the easy part. That's the gravy. The full time job is balancing the precarious combination of family, money and anxiety. Right? That's the shit that makes planning a wedding difficult. That's the shit that takes on a life of its own. Now, does that give you the right to be an entitled, bridey bitch because things are challenging? No, but it does give you the right to raise your hand and ask for help; something I feel that brides should do more often. (Ahem... Hire a wedding planner!)

On Bitchless Bride, I stand on my hot pink soap box and preach about being nice while planning your wedding, by on the same token, I preach the brutal truth about WHY weddings can be such a pain in the ass. Let's be honest, dealing with family dynamics and financial shit when you're not planning a wedding can be laborious, but dealing with family dynamics and financial shit while planning a wedding? Fucking brutal. Seriously, that's why I wrote, "Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding" in the first place. The three P's (pressure, precedence and perfection) can really fuck you up when you're trying to balance all of the other delicate pieces of planning a wedding. For most brides, it takes a lot of strength to filter out the noise and push forward. That's why so many couples head to Vegas!

See why I'm so pissed about that stupid comment? One little, asinine, blanket statement managed to completely minimize everything a bride goes through to keep up her balancing act. Because, to some of you, planning your wedding actually IS full time job simply because of the dynamics you're dealing with along the way. Bridey, I know I can be tough on you, but this time? I 100% have your back. So, stay strong! Plan the wedding that you want, and don't let stupid little comments get in your way. I'll try to do the same!

Image via Mushy Cloud 

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Mother of the Bride Blues

August 13, 2013:

So... I received this "Ask Bitchless" in my mailbox the other day and feel as though the only way I can possbily respond is "in person"... And considering my own parents were married on a Tuesday, I have a few words of wisdom for the "Internal Eloper". Here's her dilemma:

Hello BB,

I’m in need of some advice. My fiancé and I have decided our wedding date (yay!). It’s Wednesday, October 29, 2014, the exact date of our ten year anniversary. SCREETCH! Did you say WEDNESDAY?! Yes, Wednesday. We wanted to keep our original anniversary date, but have only one hold up... my mother.

My parents are traditionalists and believe that weddings are reserved for Saturdays, and that the parents of the bride should be the ones funding the soiree. That being said, they want us to change the date to sometime later in 2015 so that they have time to gather the funds, and for us to choose a weekend date so that my grandmother (and all of her extended family who I have never met) can see her only granddaughter get married. As my mother said, "this day is not about you. It is about your grandma. Don't take this pleasure away from us." Am I crazy? Am I turning into a bitchy bride by wanting to keep my original date? Please let me know.

Sincerely,
Internal Eloper

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 7 Reasons Why Couples Divorce and How to Overcome Them...

The other day, I ran into a groom whose wedding I had planned 8-9 years ago. Once it registered who I was, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Christin and I are still married!" After nearly choking on my gum, I said, "Good! You two were one of the good ones!" He thanked me and then asked, "You must wonder about that a lot... Like, if couples you've worked with are still married?" Another jaw dropping moment for me... But, yes, I do... ALL THE TIME! So, following a few pleasantries, chatting about our kids, etc. we parted ways, but I couldn't shake what he said to me. I mean... It's a perfectly valid question considering the shitty wedding statistics, right? Bridey, as you embark on the biggest day of your life leading up to your future, let's talk about how to over come the dismal marriage statistics, shall we?

Bridey, the truth is that one out of every TWO marriages fail. Um, that's 50%! Holy shit, right? Pretty grim stats! I mean... We spend all of this time and energy dating, obsessing and finally committing, thinking we finally found the right one, and then BOOM! A few years after the wedding (that I worked my ass off planning), divorce. WHY? What changes after the wedding that didn't present itself before you said "I do"? Or better yet... Maybe nothing changed, and the little red flags were there the whole time.

Here are a few well known reasons why couples divorce and my ideas on how to overcome them before you walk down the aisle:

1. Lack of communication. This one always baffles me. Do you communicate now? Yes? Good! Well, then keep communicating. Not communicating so well? Then fight it out if you have to! Yell it out! Scream it out! But, no matter what, bridey, get it out! If something is on your mind, then do something about it! Shockingly, this tends to come easily for me, as I am a bit of a loud mouth, and the people in my life always know where they stand, but you don't have to be a loud mouth to communicate. Just do it, bridey. In your own way. Sometimes it's as simple as an email outlining how you feel. Hide behind the screen if it helps you tell your partner how you feel. Who cares how you do it, but just get it out there! Because if you're starting your marriage with shattered lines of communication, then ultimately? You'll be communicating via attorney after the wedding.

2. Cheating. Why? I know I sound naïve when I say this, but WHY cheat? Seriously, besides the fact that cheating is the most cowardly, selfish and insensitive thing a person can do to somebody that they supposedly love, it's breaking the ultimate bond; the sanctity of marriage. A bond which both parties are about to knowingly enter into. So, keep your junk in your pants, and get in touch with why the urge to cheat is present in the first place. Bridey, if cheating is something that you're currently dealing with, then I highly suggest adjusting your focus from choosing your linen colors to reexamining your choice in partner.

3. Money. There's a shocker. Right? People fighting about money? I think it's so sad how money has the power to make things weird and cause friction between people. And yet, it totally does! Throw in the differences in your spending (or saving) habits, then the whole money thing can definitely contribute to the great divide. Why people aren't up front with their expectations, money wise, astounds me. Bridey, you're about to spend a shitload of cash on your wedding,  but, when it comes to the everyday stuff like bills, and groceries, etc., you argue. For the love of God, start having REAL conversations about money before you get married! If one of you likes to shop, and one of you likes to penny pinch, this could be a real problem, so figure it out now or allocate a portion of your salary to your divorce attorney.

4. The "we" is killing you. There's no "I" in "we". Bridey, you've lost your sense of self, and you're feeling the ramifications. It's really hard not to lose a piece of yourself when deeply ensconced with another person, but... TRY. Don't let go of your friends simply because you found "the one". Don't forget about the hobbies you enjoyed prior to getting into a relationship. Don't forget who you were before the rock! You're a big girl... You don't always need to do couple things. So, loosen your grip on "we", and focus on "me" every now and again.

5. Sex. Or, lackthereof. Do I really need to say more? Just do something about it. This is the easiest fix on the list.

6. Lack of effort. Um, you have to work at maintaining a healthy relationship. And, sometimes? It's fucking hard. We all fall into ruts, but it's how we dig ourselves out of the rut that counts. Bridey, put you're heart into your relationship in the same way you're putting your heart into your wedding plans. You gotta work at it... Period.

7. Wrong partner. I'm about to tell you something you already know, bridey. He/she isn't "the one", and you know it. So, quit fucking around... It's not going to get better, so get out before you waste time and money getting married.

Sadly, I could go on and on, but why bother? Bottom line, if it doesn't feel right, then quit while your ahead... OF THE WEDDING!

Image via GCSE Religious Studies

Bitchless Bride Video #2 - ***FLASHBACK*** Perspective is a Bitch!

I thought it was time to resurrect one of my fave videos (from 2012!) in anticipation of all of the engagements which will inevitably take place as we near Valentine's Day. So, please don't hate me for speaking the truth!

"Nobody wants to go to your wedding! We are not excited like you are."
— Jerry Seinfeld

Who cares about your wedding the way you do? Nobody... And you know what? Most people don't care at all... They don't even want to come. Just a little perspective...

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding...

My name is Bitchless Bride, and I was not excited for my wedding. Well, until I made some major adjustments to the wedding plans. Ultimately, my hus and I decided to elope, and no, that's not what I'm suggesting for you, bridey, I'm simply saying that perhaps you need to make some adjustments of your own if you're not excited for your wedding. And, sometimes those adjustments are mental, and sometimes they're actual. But, if you're not excited for your wedding, then take a step back and get to the bottom of it before you're stuck with enormous financial responsibility and subsequently, regret.

Planning a wedding is exciting, right? RIGHT? But, it's also a ton of work... It's bascially another full time job. So, it's no wonder that some of you aren't excited. You're busting your ass with all of the details and shit still doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because there is so much fucking pressure for a wedding day to be perfect or maybe it's because you're drowning in debt, (or both) but, bridey, if you're not excited, you're not alone. Trust me, there are a considerable number of brides who are not excited for their wedding day. Why? Well, in my experience, I blame it on the three P's: Pressure, precedence and perfection.

Pressure. It's brutal. Seriously, when an entire industy, friends and family, and even strangers tell you that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your entire life, that's fucking stressful. It adds oodles of pressure on you for that one day to be incomparable to all of the other days, past, present and future. I mean... How are you possibly expected to live up to such an extraordinary standard? Bridey, I know that you can see beyond that bullshit, right?

I've been married for like a decade, and while I look back on my wedding day as one of the best days of my life, that's all it was... ONE FUCKING DAY (which was awesome). So, put it into perspective. Obviously, the birth of my kids is def at the top of the list (um... aside from the ridiculous pain, blood, sweat and tears...), but there have also been plenty of somewhat mundane days that have just been awesome simply because I spent it with my hus... See what I'm getting at? So, let yourself off the hook.

Precedence. This is a tough one especially if you're amongst the first of your peer group to get married. Everybody is looking at you to take the lead, and maybe you don't want the conch. Maybe you just want an intimate ceremony and small reception or maybe you want a kickass party, but no matter what you want, your wedding is going to be the measuring stick against all the rest just because you're first. Which leads to more pressure. But, you know what, bridey? Who cares!??? Let it go! As long as you and your sig other are happy with your plans and your future, then fuck the rest. Let the precedence be set, conch raised high, that you care about the marriage, not just the day. PERIOD.

Perfection. Fucking perfection. Ick. That word... I can hear one of my least favorite brides reminding me that the "centerpieces really need to 'pop', and be perfect." Perfect? REALLY? Or else what? You're not going to get married? C'mon, bridey. I agree that for the money you're dropping on flowers that they should absolutely be gorgeous, but perfect or you're going "to raise hell"? Shut the fuck up. Why don't you spend more time examining your relationship than the flowers... Nobody is perfect, and there isn't an event or wedding in the world that has been perfect. There is always some snafu (large or small), and what needs to be perfect, is your attitude about how to handle a situation when there is a hair out of place. 

Bridey, if you're not excited for your wedding, it's completely understandable. With everything we just discussed, it's not surprising. However, if you can look inward, and let go of the three P's, then perhaps you'll realize that you're anxious about the wedding day, but ecstatic about the marriage. 

Image via Becoming Mindy

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Which Came First, the Bride or the Bitch?

Bridey, the timing of this article is not an accident. With stupid Valentine's Day just around the corner (not to mention the millions of girls who were engaged over the holidays), several once well-behaved girlfriends will turn into entitled, bitchy brides-to-be. I'm not quite sure where the transition from nice, sweet girlfriend to crazy, bitch bride (aka: Bridaldemia) takes place, but there is a serious fucking breakdown somewhere, and it needs to stop. And, I, Bitchless Bride, am determined to put an end to using your newly achieved bridal status as an excuse for shit behavior. 

But, here's the thing? Which came first, the bride or the bitch? Seriously, did these new brides start off as bitches or were they given an excuse; a free pass to be a bitch simply for being a bride? Are the newly engaged (girls) just owning up to the expected behavior that society has justified? I was thinking about this the other day when I was engaged (forgive the pun) in a super awkward conversation with a woman who knows I don't like her. Of course, my mind immediately went to, "Damn, I bet she was a real beast while planning her wedding," but, then I immediately decided that she wasn't salvageable. I'm positive that she was a bitch from the get-go. And, some of you brides start off as bitches, but I find it hard to believe that all of you do!

Let's talk more about this "expected behavior". I believe that it all starts innocently enough. Bridey, you're engaged! YAY! It's super exciting, and the beginning of a new stage in your life. But, with that stage comes uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes fear and stress. And, when the fear and stress kick in, the little girl inside of us begins to rage. And, that is when the bitch is cut loose. However, instead of putting a leash on that crazy bitch, she's celebrated. Right? I mean, there are fucking television shows which follow this crazy bitch around, just to see how rude she'll be to the next person in her path, and that makes it okay somehow. So, why cage the animal? Right? It's okay... She's a bride... Well, you know what? Fuck that!

It reminds me of how I was when I was pregnant. I wasn't a bitch, but I was eating for 25. I swear, I was on the cupcake and mac-n-cheese diet (and it was awesome). I mean, wasn't that expected of me? I was creating a human being for Gods sake, and needed the endurance to make him strong, right? Wrong. In reality, all I really needed was an extra 300 calories a day (like a glass of whole milk), not a whole fucking cow! But, I was pregnant, and every time I turned around somebody was excusing my behavior. Similar to how we excuse the heinous behavior so many brides. But, my cupcake addiction was a hurdle that I had to overcome once I had the baby; I wasn't hurting anybody else except myself. But, as a bride behaving badly? You're actually hurting people. 

I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. Bridey, you have no idea how your behavior can change the course of somebody else's day, week, year or even life. I started Bitchless Bride because of how one bride made me feel. ONE BRIDE. That bitch made me question everything I had ever known professionally, and I worked with her for 16 months. SIXTEEN FUCKING MONTHS. And, based on the conversations I have had with other professionals in the wedding industry, I'm not alone. We have all had at least one bride who made us doubt how good we really are.

So, bridey... Which bride are you going to be? Are you going to see what you can get away with because it's expected of you, or are you going to harness the bitch, and be kind? Surprisingly, it's your choice.

Image via Wedding Bee