Family

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Meet My Parents

Three and a half years ago, my parents agreed to be on camera. And, I have to say, I LOVED filming my parents. Like, fucking LOVED IT! First of all, I couldn't believe they agreed to it. And, secondly, I couldn't believe how into it they got! They were just here visiting, and we laughed about how awesome they were. Go see for yourself!

August 2012: Brideys, I had to call in the experts because you JUST weren't listening. So pay attention... because when it comes to the wedding budget, it ONLY seems to sink in when it comes from a parent. Check out the OUTTAKES! My dad had some trouble with his "part" and swears like a lunatic! 

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Monkey in the Middle... It's a Real Bitch!

Bridey, I gotta ask you a question... Who's in charge? Who's wearing the pants? And, I'm not talking about your relationship with your sig other. Not only is it none of my business, but I don't give a shit. (I mean... For the sake of womankind, I hope it's an equal partnership, but again, none of my biz.) How you manage your relationship is your business, but what is my business is managing the details of your wedding. So, when your soon-to-be MIL calls me (or the venue, or the florist, or DJ, or the band, or the caterer... you see where I'm going with this), and wants to make significant changes to items we've worked hard putting in place, I get a li'l nervous. Therefore, I need to know, who's in charge?

Yesterday, I was boozy brunching with a friend of mine (God I missed mimosas while I was pregnant!), and when I told her about Bitchless Bride, she starting sharing some crazy-ass stories with me (that's usually the reaction I get when I tell people about BB). Anyway, she told me how a friend of hers had some serious issues with her MIL as she was planning her wedding. You're gonna want to sit down, bridey... Trust me.

So, this poor woman's MIL had the audacity to call the bakery and change the flavor and design of the fucking wedding cake. OMG! What the fuck is that about? Right? And, for some of you, the cake is like Holy Grail. It's the one thing you care about the most. You've invested tons of time and energy selecting the particulars, and then this bitch makes a single call and ruins it.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Speak Up Now or Forever Hold Your Tongue

Bridey, it's time to speak up! It's time to use that big mouth of yours. It's time to put your pedicured foot down! Huh? WTF BB? Well, it's come to my attention that some of you are... meek. Yikes! OMG! Right? And, while I've done a ton of writing about how not to be a bitch while planning your wedding, I've not focused as much energy on when it's absolutely appropriate to get in touch with that inner bitch of yours and unleash! Maybe not unleash, but definitely stand up for yourself! To whom you ask?? Drumroll please... Your future, opinionated, meddling mother-in-law! Yup! I'm sorry to say that the stereotype exists for a reason, and if you don't stand up for yourself now, then you're essentially allowing her future bad behavior to win in every.single.situation for the rest of your life for as long as you both shall live. So, squash it now, bridey.

I hate to say it, but some of your future mother-in-laws (MILs) have the power to destroy marriages. True story. And if yours is "helping" you and your sig other plan your wedding or worse, paying for it, then you must stand for yourself! I'm lucky... I happen I love my MIL (and I'm not just saying that because she's a fan of BB). But, this lady? She stood back and let us do what we wanted to do, and when we eloped, she was one our few supporters... Unfortunately, she learned the hard way that awful MILs can destroy marriages; that their power is strong enough to rock the foundation of a marriage and fuck it all up. The silver lining? She learned from her own experience, and has been nothing but loving and accepting of me (and my foul mouth) and my relationship with her son. Period. Like it fucking should be!!

The reason I'm bringing this up? Well, outside of the fact that sadly, many of you are currently dealing with this shit, I've learned that if you don't start standing up for yourself as you plan your wedding, then it becomes like a fucking cancer.... And it grows and grows until it ultimately takes over your entire life. However, if you catch it early, then you have a better chance of surviving, and your quality of life improves drastically.

Look, I don't care who's paying for the wedding, bridey, or how much it costs. What I care about is you and your sig other. And if your wedding day is going to mean anything at all or symbolize your glowing future with your hus, then make sure it's actually about the two of you and not your MIL. How? Start small, and fight the fights only worth fighting. Fight loudly enough so that your needs are getting met, but not loudly enough to bring down the precious foundation. Some of you may actually have to unleash depending on the severity of the situation, but do so only if it's a last resort. Because, as I mentioned, this "cancer" does not go away... It gets worse. 

Got it? Good luck, and Godspeed!

Image via Maestrano Blog

Fantasy Friday ~ A Colorful, County Fair Themed, Intimate Wedding

This wedding is just so awesome! I mean… Joann and Dimitri had a county fair theme! WOW! It really doesn’t get much cooler than that, right? (Totally reminds me of the carnival post I did a little while ago...) Seriously, they were able to pull off a casual and intimate wedding day, all while rockin’ a FAB and exciting theme! And, I am obsessed! Bridey, there are so many titillating (that word always makes me chuckle) deets to absorb… For instance, Dimitri made the ceremony backdrop as a gift for Joann. Awww… But, can we talk about how he MADE it! And, it’s gorgeous! Look up! The backdrop coupled with the rich jewel-toned colors exploding from the photographs… I just love it!

And would you believe that all of this took place outside of Zion National Park? Talk about location! Between Dimitri’s homemade ceremony backdrop and the stunning aesthetics of the park, I am in love! Enjoy!

Hi. I am in love with you. Can I take you home? (Yeah, I've def said that a few times in my life.)Check out Dimitri's tie!! Confetti tie!!Can you smell them? Simply stunning.It's beautiful to see how in sync Joann and Dimitri are...Hi cutie!!Think hers are CLB too?That's FAB!! Hey daddy! Don't fuck it up!!Yup! Dimitri BUILT that! And, it's fantastic!Such whimsicle decor... LOVE IT!Time to change shoes and play!!!Such a lovely wedding!!!

Industry Peeps:

Photographer: Gideon Photography
Floral Designer: Bloomers flowers & decor
Event Venue: True North

Real Wedding Wednesday ~ A Rustic, Outdoor, Dinosaur, Tattoo & Kickass Cupcake Wedding

I can't. I just fucking can't. Just look at how amazing the top of this cupcake wedding cake is! OMG! Totally makes me eat my words. Remember? I wrote a whole post about climbing down from your cupcake tree because typically, I think cupcake trees are lame... But, Chelsea and Dusty's tree? Holy shit! It's absolutely sensational!! Not to mention the photograph, captured by Mercedes Morgan of Mercedes Morgan Photography. I'm obsessed with it! 

Bridey, if you are as obsessed with the tree and the pic as I am, just wait until you see the rest of the photographs from this wedding. Chelsea and Dusty nailed it in every aspect of their wedding! Seriously, I felt like I was at the ceremony, hanging with the bridal party and dancing the night away. Maybe I even got a tattoo while I was enjoying myself!! Whaaa? Yeah, just scroll and you'll see! Enjoy!!

It really doesn't get much cuter than this!Wait a second... I think we have a cuteness toss up!!I love this pic...Rings please!!Bubbles are so much better than rice!Are you dying over the angle of this shot?I don't want to jump to conclusions, but the bride and groom both each twins... Thinking we have found their other halves...Greatest signing board ever!I love how Chelsea and Dusty embraced and took care of the kids at their wedding.Hell yeah!I CANNOT get over the pizza!!!Dusty, you're a FAB dipper.Seriously? Have you ever seen people having so much fun at a wedding?Congratulations Chelsea and Dusty! I love your wedding!!!

Industry Peeps:

Photographer: Mercedes Morgan Photography
Makeup Artist: Alison Paige Makeup
DJ: C4 DJ Productions
Bakery: Capital City Bakery
Event Venue: The Wildflower Barn

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ How to Get Your Mom to Stop Texting on Your Wedding Day! Whaaaa?

Every now and then, I get an email from a distraught bride fretting over such a universal topic, that I feel like I would be missing out on an opportunity to educate all of you brideys, so today I am sharing it on Bitchless Bride. Below, you will see an email which I received from "Bridget" regarding her mother's obsession with her iPhone. Bridget is asking for some advice on how to handle her MOB's addiction with said phone, and wants to be sure that mama is present, both physically and mentally, for the big day. 

I am getting married in about six weeks. While my mother and I don't have the perfect relationship, she has been phenomenal through the planning process. She has kept her personal opinions to herself and aimed to give my fiance and I the wedding we desire. She has been key to planning the event from 1,500 miles away.

The problem? My mother is addicted to her iPhone. She is constantly texting, emailing, Facebooking and often during very important times. Much of this is because she runs her own business and doesn't have normal hours (I am sure you can relate), but she has yet to set boundaries. For instance, when I come home to visit, she is often on her phone during family dinner and movie night. I am afraid my wedding will be a victim of her addiction too.

I am very worried that my mom will miss a momentous event in her and my life because she is so concerned with taking pictures she can text or post to Facebook. She has worked very hard and waited a long time (8 years of us dating) for this day and I want her to be fully present. I know I can't tell her what to do, not that would I consider that, but is there a tactful way to let her know I would like her to be engaged in the day and not so concerned with her virtual presence?

Thanks,

Bridget

Dear Bridget,

My very first thought, is that while it would be inapprorate to tell her what do to, you certainly CAN tell her how you feel. You don't have to be nasty about it, bridey, but you should definitely have a candid conversation about how you are feeling.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Defending Your Right to Choose... The Guest List

As a wedding planner I am pretty used to drama. In my profession I’d say that it’s almost unavoidable. Any time you bring families together, for better or worse, typically it’s an open invitation for unwanted opinions, numerous complaints and harsh judgment. As a bride and groom planning your wedding together, it’s easy to feel as though the two of you are riding an emotional roller coaster that just won’t stop until it breaks down or until one of you breaks through the restraints and fights your way off the ride. And I believe the number one argument amongst families during wedding planning is the guest list.

Recently, I posted what I thought was an absolutely incredible real wedding on Bitchless Bride. For short money and a carefully determined budget, Erica the bride and Trevor the groom put on a beautiful wedding. It was really important for them to take care of each and every guest, and by doing so they had to eliminate a good portion of the guest list to make the appropriate accommodations. You see they paid for every cent of this wedding by themselves. In fact, they were engaged for eighteen months just so they could gather enough money to fund their celebration.

And frankly, I am absolutely floored at the pure nastiness of several of the comments received on Bitchless Bride. You know why? Because the bride had the audacity to tell the truth during our interview… She describes how they (she and her groom) “pissed off a lot of people” because they were “super picky about who was invited.” They were paying for the wedding by themselves so if they didn’t really know somebody, then they didn’t want to feel obligated to invite them. Period.

Believe it or not, I tried to stay neutral. I really did... Because I recognize that feelings were hurt and the wounds are fresh. But after reviewing the 37 comments, and seeing how Erica and Trevor felt as though they had to defend their actions very publicly... I can’t stand it any longer! I feel strongly that it’s plain old fucking rude to judge how people spend their money. The bride and groom paid for the wedding all by themselves, and therefore it is up to them to determine who makes it onto the guest list, what food is served, the flavor of the cake, the style of band and who they want to celebrate with them. And if you don’t like? Too fucking bad. It's not up to you.

And seriously, don’t blatantly insult the bride and groom for standing behind their choices. If your feelings were hurt, then confront the issue and have an adult conversation with them. Don’t whine about how you didn’t receive a “thank you” note after five months, or that it’s “un-Christian” to set boundaries. It’s really simple actually; they did set boundaries, you just didn’t like the boundaries that were set. And you know what I think? I think it's more "un-Christian" to very publicly and very unhesitatingly air your dirty laundry on a fucking wedding blog (as fabulous as BB is). Because as an outsider looking in? It seems to me that those who left hateful comments completely validated the bride and groom's position that led them to make the decision that they made...

Although, I guess the authors of these tasteless and upsophisticated comments actually did me a huge favor. You see, though your impudent disrespect, you've helped me to educate brides everywhere to stand their ground. If you don't want somebody at your wedding, then there's probably good reason...

Brideys, the guest list is a tough one; it's an issue that 99% of soon to be married couples experience. As much I’d like to think that you will have the support of everybody in your life during your wedding planning, you won’t. But, it’s up to you where to set the boundaries, and what you can live with after your celebration comes and goes.

There is No Better Friend Than a Sister...

Happy Thanksgiving brideys!! I hope you all made it to where you're supposed to be and are enjoying some time with family and friends. But, wherever you are I hope you are happy to be there... Me? I am quite happy. Yeah, my fucking car might have been stolen (Is There Really Always Something to be Thankful for?) with no word from the police, but I still managed to make it home, and have been enjoying myself ever since. Plus, I have an awesome Thanksgiving story to tell these days...

Let's Avoid the "Concession" Stand

As I continue to nurse myself back to health after a weekend filled with way too much "nice", too much bullshit, and shoes that were a bit too high, I can't help but wonder how the fuck I got here. Actually, it's more like how the fuck YOU got here. Because last time I checked it was supposed to be your wedding... And considering all of the concessions we made (against my best advice), I feel like we lost part of you simply by pleasing everybody else and their needs.

The Modern Day Romeo and Juliet

You would NEVER know it by looking at them. To me, they just looked like a handsome couple. She had long, gorgeous brown hair and big brown eyes, and he was tall and striking. They were truly an ascetically pleasing couple who seemed in to be in love. But... would they make it past the wedding weekend or even down the aisle? Because there was one little problem... Their parents. Yeah, they fucking hated each other. 

Because It's Not Only YOUR Day

Story submitted and written by Dazed and Confused

First, thank you and God bless you for making this site! I am feeling better just reading it.

I absolutely agree that the bride and groom should have their special day be as they wish; more than any narcissistic family members who may try to take over, the bride and groom should be in charge and not be overshadowed or railroaded. However, with that said, OMG I'm going to scream if I hear the phrase "such and such is OUR DAY" when used to justify demands and expectations of family members and in-laws who manipulate others like puppets

And They Lived Unhappily Ever After...

I am completely dying right now... I just got off of the phone (literally, like 2 minutes ago) with a Mother of the Groom (MOG), and not only did the conversation begin with her crying, but it ended with her saying, "I just want to do this for them (the rehearsal dinner), and then I want them to get divorced." Right? What the fuck???

When NINE Minutes Really is Too Long

This post has me completely at odds with myself so I need you, the readers, to weigh in on this tough topic. And as much as I don’t want to lay it all out there in my typical straightforward style, I feel like I HAVE to or else I would be doing you, bridey, and your guests a major disservice because as a planner, I have witnessed several awkward attempts at sensitivity around this, only to watch the guests shift uncomfortably in their seats. The topic? How to appropriately acknowledge the loss of a parent at your wedding.

Your Broken Heart or Expectation?

Let’s talk about money. Like really talk about money because I am so sick of dancing around this fucking topic. Brideys, you have to set your budget and your expectations early so that you aren’t disappointed later. PERIOD. 

I’ve said this before, but apparently I need to say it again. The second after you get engaged, you must talk about money, and your overall budget with ALL parties contributing to your wedding. The reason?

Stay Together... Not Just Forever

I woke up incredibly annoyed this morning. I don’t really know why, but I am, so bear with me as I write what will probably turn out to be more of a rant than a post. You see, I’ve been thinking a lot… too much actually about what I do for a living and how people who are not in “the industry” ALWAYS glorify what my job is really like. People constantly say that I should write a book based on how much crazy shit I have seen and continue to see at weddings. And you know what? Instead of a book, I prefer the Bitchless Bride blog. Because with this blog (I thee wed… HA! Sorry! It was there, so I took it!) I am able to educate you brideys and still reap the cathartic benefits of writing (which I desperately need today). But at the same time, your education is IMMEDIATE and free. And here’s another educational series for you to digest as BB continues to educate you on bitch prevention, and this time it’s about staying together.

Married and Making it Stick

Written by the Future Mother of Two Brides and a Groom

I was married 35 years ago. I made the dress the day before, took a week off work and catered my own reception (including the cake), sent out handwritten invitations, and here we are 35 years later with three adult children who are on the verge of getting married. Actually I used to perform music at weddings until brides and their mothers began this awful thing in the mid 90's (coincidentally with launch of Martha Stewart's Weddings magazine) that we now call an “event”.

Family Management 101

I kinda can’t believe that I even have to write about this, but there is a disturbing new trend in fucking wedding la la land that is really bothering me. This message is for you, bridey… Tell your family that they don’t belong at your engagement! Tell them to stop. Right now. Because it is not appropriate for them to be there the MOMENT you get engaged. Literally. The moment. ‘Cause when your man builds up the courage to ask for your hand in marriage, it should not turn into an open forum for your family to take over