therapist

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Ways to Get the Most out of Your Wedding Planner

It seems like every wedding planner I speak to during this insanely busy time tells me the same thing… “OMG, I really love this bride, but…” Or, “This fucking bride is driving me crazy because...” So, because I really, truly want to help YOU, bridey, get the most out of your wedding planner, be it the one you’ve hired independently or the catering manager you’re working with at a hotel or resort, I thought it would be helpful if I shared a few of these… hmmm… “insights” so that you can get the absolute best out of your planner, and not have her (or him) hate you.

Here it goes:

1. Don’t be a micromanager. Just don’t do it. Bridey, I know that some of you have great big jobs that require you to be in control of a large team or an enormous budget, etc., and that’s fantastic. But, please don’t let that spill over into MY domain. The reason I'm in charge is because you don’t know shit about planning a wedding, and I do. Listen, bridey, I'm not telling you something you didn't already know! Right?? So, let me do it! Stop trying to control me! Wedding planning is MY full time job, so please, give me some room to do it. I mean... You are well aware of this fact because you are the one who hired me. So, back off… Let me handle the details without having to run each decision by you first.

2. Don’t be a penny pincher when it comes to paying me! When the penny pinching begins, I seriously want to bang my head against the wall… HARD! It tells me that you clearly have no idea just how much I am doing for you, and dammit, I deserve to get paid for the four hours I spent attending an “emergency planning meeting” with your mother.

3. Don’t confuse me for your therapist. I love to listen. I really do, but

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Let's Call the Whole Thing Off... How to Cancel Your Wedding (and Survive)

Yup, you read that right. Here's a topic that is so verboten that most of you are wondering why I'm even writing about it. But, it's important. Because it happens... A lot... More often then you know. I mean let's cut the shit here, if half of all marriages end in divorce, then there's bound to be a few who got "divorced" before they got married, and for good reason too... When it becomes more about the wedding and less about the marriage, you're doing yourself a favor.

Bridey, I'm not saying that it will happen to you, but God forbid (as my mother would say) it does, I promise you, you'll need some guidance. So here it is... And my biggest piece of advice? Do it before the enormity of the situation has sunk in.

1. Act fast. If you are calling off your wedding, then time is of the essence. Remember how aggressive you were planning the wedding? Well, add warp speed to that. Because your guests will need to change their plans too (cancel airfare, hotel rooms, etc.). Get the word out there immediately. I know it's embarrassing, and that you'd rather hide under the covers and wish it all away, but bridey? There's no time for that shit. Pull it together (for now); I'll let you know when it's time to lose it. But, we're not there yet. So get it together. And don't beat around the bush. Send something like this... From your parents "I'm sorry to inform you that the marriage of Bridey and Groomy, has been cancelled."

2. Call your vendors ASAP! Depending on how close you are to your wedding date, there may still be time to get some of your money back. If they can re-book the date, then there's a chance that the only thing you'll lose out on is the deposit. So get to it! Um, and while your at it? Cancel your honeymoon. You'll probably get screwed with the airfare, but the hotel cancellation policies are usually within 24-48 hours of the arrival date.

3. You've got to return the gifts. Trust me, you'll want to. Right now, everything and anything is a reminder (which can still hurt even if you're the one calling it off). That stupid egg poacher (which you will never use) will suddenly have some sort of emotional value, so get rid of it! Now!

Shrinks

Don’t knock it. Several years ago, I met a “bridal therapist”. I walked away from her thinking that SHE was the nutcase. I thought that the whole idea was a giant hoax to make a few bucks from “the industry”. Turns out, she might have been on to something. This goes way beyond being a total bitch bride. This delves deeper into what happens from the moment you become engaged. You see, outside of the obvious stressors of planning a wedding that are enough to land you on the couch (budget, time management, etc.), there are the hidden pieces to the psyche, and not just yours.