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    « Real Simple or Really Rude? | Main | Dog Days of a Disney Wedding »

    Fuck You and Your Tiffany Blue

    Okay, your damn blog is so amazing because it finally gives me a forum to vent about ...... (da duh da dah!) WEDDING CAKES. I am pastry chef and wedding cake designer and I have been driven to the edge of the cliff with wedding cakes. STOP WATCHING THESE FUCKING SHOWS WITH CRAZY INTENSE WEDDING CAKES THAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD. Do you notice that they NEVER give you the final cost of these magnificent creations? You want to know why? Because they are more than a two damn mortgage payments (depending on your house :)!!! 

    There is NO SHAME in getting a small beautifully designed cake that fits your budget. I want brideys to seriously THINK about the questions they ask their cake designers. Honestly, you know a 3-4 tiered wedding cake COVERED with handmade gum paste flowers isn't going to cost $200! SERIOUSLY. C'mon... You probably paid more for your veil, right? 

    This is not to turn brides off from the process, it's just to say, stop with the bullshit questions, like . . . "You know the color tiffany blue right? I want it to be exactly that color and if its not then we are going to problems!". You know what I want to say to that comment . . . "Who doesn't fucking know that color? BEAT IT with the tiffany blue already, I want you to get some fucking CREATIVITY and step out of the box!" Again, if you want tiffany blue for your wedding, there is nothing WRONG with that, just don't treat your cake designer like an idiot. If they are a popular producing bakery they have probably made 100 tiffany blue cakes at this point . . . they get it. 

    Listen, I love all my brides... they rock and their choices usually rock (except the cupcake thing I agree - enough) just stop getting caught up in the hype and bitching about things you don't understand. YOU trusted your baker enough to hire them, research their work, get through the tasting and place your order, so assume you are being taken care of. We will let know if we run out of blue coloring .... haha! Just joshn' - take care brideys and have beautiful and delicious weddings :)

    Okay, go ahead and put my head on stake now.

    Little Miss Blackbird

    Reader Comments (8)

    Thank you Little Miss Blackbird for shedding some light on these crazy fucking brides and "their" ideas. If I do one more blue cake I am going to scream! But my favorite is when you have your first sit down meeting with them and they say that they want something "unique and different", and then they whip out a photograph to show you how different they are, and it's the same fucking cake I did last week!

    Just once I want the bride to say, "here are my colors, surprise me"... I know it will never happen but a girl can dream right?

    July 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPastry Bitch

    Hey Pastry Bitch,

    I am totally dying over this post, and your comment! It's so funny how we all go through the same shit, but with different "products". Every bride I know wants to be cool and different, and yet she'll pull something off of Pinterest or out of a magazine to help her explain what she's talking about, change the tiniest thing and then call it her own.

    And just like you, I would love for a bride to say that about her wedding... "Here are my colors..." I mean... That's my dream... Oh! With an endless budget too!

    Thanks for your comment PB!


    July 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    Ha! I am screaming laughing at my own "vent"! I just realized you used it and I am so happy that someone else - Pastry Bitch - feels my pain!!!!! Oh, yes the endless budget and the phrase "create something for me" will happen just about as fast as Marilyn Monroe bringing in James Dean with cake ideas for their future nuptials :)

    The funny thing is, I have a fair amount of tattoos and I notice that people will relinquish artistic freedom to a tattoo artist (life long commitment) and not us!!!!! HILARIOUS right!!! That lets us know right there what we are up against. You bitches rock . . . . . Now go eat some damn cake. :)

    July 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Miss Blackbird

    Hey LMB!

    I loved your post, and you're totally right! How you could give artistic freedom to your tattoo artist and now your pasty chef is beyond me! I mean... cakes don't last forever (hell... half the marriages we bust our asses on won't last forever) but tattoos do!

    Whatever... Thanks for your awesome post!!


    July 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBitchless Bride

    oh I needed this today. I just finished a come to Jesus email covering ridiculous wants vs. what you can afford. But hey if you want to spend more on gum paste calla lillies than the cake, more power to ya.

    Ps. Cringe at seeing Tiffany blue anything anymore.

    August 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlausana

    I had the luxury of having a bride and groom to tell me her colors and budget and say surprise me! She was from a different state and was married before so wanted a small wedding but a fab one so that is what I did! They had kids so they also asked me to have something for kids! This was also a a christmas wedding and I only had 2 months to plan...well they loved it! They had live music and a magician/balloonist at their wedding!

    I love weddings like that!

    OMFG that just made my night!!

    November 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVintageisdead

    I would TOTALLY be down to say "here are my colors, surprise me!"... but I know most other brides can't give up that control.

    February 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterandtherestumwashistory

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