With This Ring Thee Wed… BB’s Helpful Tips on How to Write Your Wedding Vows

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As you probably saw from my last piece on Huff Post Weddings, I eloped. And a huge part of that decision was because my husband wasn’t quite comfortable professing his undying love for me in front of 150 guests. But, more than that our vows were really personal, and he is very private (so am I… HA! There’s certainly nothing private about me!). Definitely not an ideal platform for him to promise to rub my feet following a long weekend of work, or to always open my car door, even though he knows I can do it myself, etc. So, we went a different route. And I bet, that I’ll probably be in some trouble for this post… but, he also vowed to love my big fat mouth too, so this shouldn’t be a big surprise to him that I am spilling “our” beans.

Brideys, I have learned a tremendous amount about vows over the years, and not all of them are created equally. Some are so boring, or so vanilla that I just want to gauge my eyes out or they are so bad that it feels like the bride and groom are minimizing their promises to each other, and that really pisses me off. Of all of the times to do something right, writing your vows should be one of them. So excuse me while I give you a few tips (regardless if you say them in Vegas or in front of 200 guests!):

* It’s so not cool if your dog ate your homework… Seriously, don’t fucking wing it on your wedding day. Put some thought into WHY you are marrying this person, not just why you are getting married. Because, the truth is, you could marry anybody else if you wanted to, but you are choosing to marry HIM! So, start thinking about your vows and jotting down notes before you say them. And give yourself about two to three months to perfect them. (Just a little side note… not to get all psychological, but bridey, if you can’t put your finger on why you are marrying him, then it’s best to know this now… Just sayin’.)

* Be yourself. Write the way you speak. When you meet me, you will see that this blog is my voice… it’s totally me because I write the way I speak. I’m not fancy, just honest and kinda funny. (See what I did? I would totally say that!) So, don’t use this as an opportunity to be somebody you are not. If you are not a writer, that’s okay. Just speak from your soul. Seriously, what made you say, “yes” in the first place?

* Yeah… make sure you BOTH are writing your vows. It can be an awkward situation if only one of you decides to write wedding vows and the other looks to the officiant. Right?

* Steal your creativity. If you are having a hard time organizing your thoughts, then quote your favorite book or artist who is more eloquent than you. It can be a lovely way to express yourself without the pressure of coming up with the exact wording.

* Ask the pros. If you still can’t figure out what to write, then ask your officiant (priest, rabbi, etc.). Your wedding is not their first time at the rodeo, so ask them about the vows they’ve heard that stuck with them or struck a chord…. It might provide you with some direction.

* Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you know you won’t be faithful, then don’t promise to be faithful (and you may want to reconsider not just your vow, but your relationship). If you know you won’t make popcorn with hot sauce for every movie night, then don’t promise to make popcorn with hot sauce for every movie night. Don’t just write something down knowing that you won’t follow through, because not only is that not cool, but it will come across when you say them. (And if you can’t make any promises then see above!)

* Practice makes perfect. Practice saying your vows out loud. I know it sounds really basic, but everything sounds better in your head than when read aloud. Trust me. I read all of my posts out loud to my husband (my first one) before I post them!

Brideys, I’ve seen enough to know what I’m talking about. Your vows are not meant to entertain your guests (although adding in some humor can be nice, but only if it is in good taste and fits your personality… yeah yeah yeah… I know it’s like telling me not to swear, but I know what I’m talking about!); your vows are really the only part of the day that truly matters. So make them count. Got it?