5 Myths About Grooms that Never Fail to Make Me Want to Bang my Head Against a Wall...


Dear BB,

I am absolutely itching to get a rant off my chest about being grateful for grooms. Here it is…

As a newlywed whose groom was super helpful during the wedding planning of our (key word being our) wedding, I feel the need to say a few words (see: rant) in defense of under appreciated hubbies-to-be everywhere. While I’m eternally grateful to my man for all his help leading up to the big day, it seems that not only are grooms totally underrated when it comes to wedding planning, they are often actively discouraged from lending a hand!

Here are 5 myths about grooms that never fail to make me want to bang my head against a wall...

1. Grooms can’t dress themselves:

I can’t even count the number of articles out there with titles like “Dress Your Groom” and “Choosing His Suit”. Maybe it’s just me, but isn't the idea that men a) don’t have a sense of style and b) can’t dress themselves a little, um, demeaning? If your man would prefer to leave the wedding attire up to you, so be it, but if he wants to pick something out himself, let him! Think of it this way: do you really want to start acting like his mother? If he’s going to need to match the style of your dress, why not just give him some guidance rather than making the decision for him? Sure, your man may admit to having zero sense of style, but then again he may have absolutely killer dress sense! Flaunt it!

2. Grooms who help out with wedding planning are “Groomzilla”:

If you’ve got a man who’s keen on helping out, it means he’s excited! Do cartwheels! Jump for joy! Go team! The term “Groomzilla” refers to a groom who's over the top controlling and hostile when it comes to the wedding, but it’s not applicable to a hubby-to-be who’s enthusiastic about planning the big day! More to the point, shouldn't your man be entitled to a wedding freak out once in a while too?

3. Grooms shouldn't have a say:

I think this attitude was best summed up by a bride-to-be acquaintance that said this to me about her groom: “I don’t understand why he thinks he has any power of veto!” Need I say more?? Sadly, when I revealed that my groom was playing an active role in the wedding planning, most people simply looked at me (goggle-eyed) and said something along the lines of, “So you’re actually letting him decide on things?” Why yes, yes I am. As the other person at the end of the altar, it’s only fair that your groom should also have a say when it comes to planning decisions. Repeat after me: it’s not just your day.

4. Grooms don’t enjoy helping out:

Assuming that men won’t enjoy helping out with weddingy things is old-fashioned and more then a little sexist! Of course, there are men who genuinely aren't interested in the whole idea of wedding planning, but there are also many who love being involved! Making your planning a team effort not only decreases your stress (and his) but it’s a great way to bond! There’s also the added benefit of being able to look back on your day knowing that you created it together! And don’t even start with the “oh he’s not into flowers and girly things” bit! If it’s a totally dire situation and even the pink cover of your wedding magazine offends him (problematic in itself might I add), then there are plenty of things he’ll be happy to help with (cars, anyone?).

5. Grooms can’t groom:

Give him some credit. Even if he does stagger out to the shops with 5 days’ worth of beard growth and wearing his three-day-old t-shirt, chances are he’s smart enough to know that this isn't appropriate for the wedding! Remember - not every man is clueless about shaving/manicures/hair care! Unless he’s just emerged from a cave, he’ll know what to do to get himself ready for the big day (he’s been having his hair cut for years now without you). This is something you shouldn't even be worrying about. Leave it to your man and trust that he’s going to scrub up beautifully for the big day!

So brideys don’t listen when people tell you your man shouldn't be involved. Hold your head high and tell them he’s picking out your shoes.


Karen Rose