Read Between the Lines

You know what’s NOT pretty walking down the aisle? You. You with your tan lines… Yeah… Tan lines in your beautiful, expensive wedding dress. Think about it… you probably spent a pile of money on your hair, makeup, personal trainers, facials, etc. so that you would look and feel incredible on your big day and frankly, I find it truly amazing how you can fuck it all up with those hideous tan lines. Seriously, you end up looking like some whore on the walk of shame instead of some bride walking down the aisle on her wedding day. I mean… all you need is teased, ratty hair and a Virginia Slim to complete the full bridal, trailer-chic look. I know, BB is rude rude rude, but I promise you if you’re sporting those lovely lines, then I am just saying what everybody else is thinking. And if you’re still reading my blog, then don’t you trust me by now?

Seriously girls, I’m annoyed that I even have to write this post, but I see it ALL THE TIME! And it’s so basic: Don’t go tanning in ANYTHING that will give you tan lines before your big day. Actually, here’s an idea bridey’s… perhaps give airbrushing a try? All you need is a pair of panties, and the technician does the rest. 

Here’s how it works… you go into a small room, strip down to your knickers, stand like Jesus, and the technician sprays your body down with whatever the fuck is in that canister, and… dun dun daaaa…you have a tan! Personally, I think it is the best (and the safest) way to go if you are interested in having a healthy glow on your wedding day (not that this is a PSA, but I’m just sayin’…). But, please do yourself a favor and try it out a few months before the wedding. It can take some time to the right shade for your skin tone, and you don’t want to be experimenting with color the week of the big day. Not only can this prevent you from looking like a cheap whore in a white gown, but it will also save your photographer a ton of time editing those trashy lines out of the pictures.  Cause you WILL want them edited… Got it?