Brides

What Happens When a Bride Doesn't Come Back from Bridal Entitlement?

You know what’s crazy? My dad got me thinking about this topic. I know, right? Every so often my father and I have a few glasses of wine and start chatting about why people are the way that they are, and what makes them tick. And considering my background, these conversations usually lead to talk of entitled and bitchy brides. And we all know that when it comes to brides, some have an affinity to the dark side, and take on multiple personalties during wedding planning, something I fondly deemed as Bridaldemia, an affliction in which a “normal”, sweet bride turns into a crazy, entitled bitch. Usually, she comes out of the haze after her wedding day, but what happens when a bride doesn’t come back from bridal entitlement? What happens if she can’t shake that alternate personality after she says “I do”? By our third glass of Cabernet, my dad told a story about a women he worked with many years ago who never “recovered” from of her entitled, bridal ways. 

What’s interesting to me is that this lovely woman, turned into a nasty bitch bride before it was considered “acceptable” behavior, like it is now. Seriously, bridey, you’ve heard me whine a gazillion times about how I feel like our society applauds and encourages, and even celebrates bad bridal, ‘zilla behavior, and how it makes me want to pull my hair out. But, thirty-five years ago? Not so much. More often than not, a bride’s mother would plan her wedding with little buy in from the bride. So, hearing that this sort of behavior started decades ago, was definitely shocking to me! But, what’s even more worrisome is that this chick never went back to who she was before she got the rock. Then it hit me! I 100% know her type. I have worked with at least a dozen women over the years who were completely different people when they walked down the aisle as opposed to when they hired me, and never quite shook the entitlement after their nuptials.

The problem? These brides got used to the entitlement and they liked it. They liked it so much that they decided not to go back to the people they were before. And, when you think about it, why the fuck would they? We all fight for position, and when you’re a bride, your position immediately moves up. As a bride, you’re treated with kid gloves, and for the most part, you get whatever you want because you use your new position and demand it. And, what’s worse?People give it to you. So, why would a bride want to go back to her previous position as a plain, average woman when she gets so much more by being entitled? Right? In a fucked up way, who could blame her?

But, here’s the thing. If the wedding/hospitality industry stopped bending over for these demanding bitchy brides who are simply using their new position to be miserable and make everybody else miserable, then the problem or the entitlement would go away; the problem would cease to exist. But, until we as a whole (industry) stop being so fucking afraid to say “no” and accept entitled piss-poor behavior, then we will stay broken, and brides will continue to stay entitled. And, some won’t come back from it because they were taught that the more noise you make, and the more misbehaved your are, the more you get.

It’s painfully clear that things have to change for us to get our brides back from bridal entitlement. As an industry, we have to stop enabling and celebrating bad behavior. We have to take care our brides without letting them trample and take advantage of our good intentions. In a sense, we have to “raise” them to be good brides so that they don’t become entitled, and then we won’t have to worry about getting them back after the wedding. Essentially, we have to eliminate the problem before it starts. But, I can’t do it alone. Brides and vendors alike have to make a conscious effort to stop the bridal entitlement before it starts! Who’s with me?! Good! Stay Bitchless! 

Cartoon via V3Wall.com

Rock a Bye, Bridey... The Cradle Will Fall, But Mama Will Catch You, Veil and All...

I had such an intense and jarring epiphany a few weeks ago that I just had to share it with you, bridey. Ready? So, I'm someone who is pretty awesome with kids. I always have been (even before I had my own)... Maybe it's because I'm really a kid at heart or maybe it's simply an innate character trait, but kids like (more like love) me. I mean... I play hard, I'm not afraid to get dirty, I protect them from getting hurt, and I feed them. That's really all it takes... Just be present, be fun and be awesome, right?! Yeah! And then it dawned on me... Holy fuck, I'm a giant wedding-planner-babysitter. And, you know what? I'm fucking fantastic at juggling both of these hats. However, it's not too difficult considering that the similarities are profound. Actually, the similarities are borderline shocking. 

I spend hours, day and night, taking care of women (and men) getting married; facing a life changing event, a coming of age if you will, and treating them ever so carefully and kindly. I play hard, I'm not afraid to get dirty, I protect them and I feed them (although it's usually with boozey cocktails). It's 100% the same! When I work with a bride (and groom) I am extremely gentle and patient. I listen wholeheartedly, try to put myself in their position so that I can absorb their perspective, and I do this in a way that greatly surpasses any other kind of gentleness and patience I have in any other relationships in my life; except for that of my children.

The epiphany started when I was approached to mentor a woman looking to get into the masochist world of wedding and event planning. After I resisted the overwhelming urge of telling her to run away and never look back, I agreed to help her learn about wedding planning first hand, so she could determine if this was a world she'd willingly step in to... I told her that I'd be happy to help. (I also told her that if she wanted a family down the road, then perhaps she should look at a different career.) Anyway, that's when my epiphany began to surface...  Because this chick? She's a gregarious, sweet and enthusiastic gymnastics teacher. She's fantastic with kids!! And, that's when I thought, "She will be a natural in this business because she's great with kids, so she'd be perfect for a bride." 

Think about it... As a gymnastics instructor and as a wedding planner, we're both programed to coach, not to quit. We tell the kids and brides in our lives to walk away when you're frustrated, but don't quit... Keep going. Keep pushing, and then come back with fresh eyes. We constantly remind them that not everything needs to get accomplished today, just break the process down into small, accomplishable pieces instead of focusing on how difficult the overall task (or routine) is. We remind them to focus on the big picture, and we remind them how wonderful they are. Brides and children alike need positive reinforcement, and the two of us? Well, we oblige. 

So, will this chick be a good fit? My gut says 100%! But, I'll let you know for sure after the wedding... 

Image via Bobka Baby and Bridal

An Intimate, Beautiful, Sunset Beach Wedding

Isn't that photograph incredible? The flag? The kiss? The passion? I mean, there is so much emotion emanating from Jessica and Jennifer that I swear, I can see it. It's almost as if I'm in a cartoon (from back in my day... Ahem... the 80s!), and the emotion is floating from the B+B to me. Right? Can you see it, bridey?! Or, maybe you think that my imagination has gotten the better of me! Either way, I know you can feel it too!

J+J had a stunning, beach ceremony followed by an intimate dinner with only close friends and family followed by tons of dancing. For some of you, it's totally the way to go... Grab your nearest and dearest, head to Mexico and get yourselves married! LOVE IT! Bridey, enjoy all of the fabulous, and lovely details of this lovely wedding!

Awwwww... I love the mother + daughter pics! Sniff... Sniff!

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Great shot! Stunning lace detail...

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Beautiful shot! Beautiful ladies!

Can we just talk about how gorgeous these flowers are? Look at those roses!!

How cool is it that J+J are walking each other down the aisle? LOVE.

FAB kiss!

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Let's go for a walk on the beach...

One of my fave pics on BB... Ever!

Cheers!!!

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So cute... So romantic!

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HAHA!!

Thank you Jessica and Jennifer for sharing your stunning, beach wedding with Bitchless Bride!

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Did You Know You're My Only Client? Oh Wait...

Why don't you just lift your leg and pee on me? Huh? What the fuck are you talking about BB? Well, I'm talking about how territorial brides become once they secure their wedding vendors. Seriously, it's like they literally become bitches (in the doggie sense of the word), claim you as their possession once they pay the deposit, and piss all over you. I swear, the wedding industry is the only industry where this seems to be the case, and where vendors work super fucking hard to make brides feel like they are in fact their only client...

I mean, can you imagine if this was acceptable or the norm in any other industry? Clients becoming jealous or needy because their hairdresser has cuts hair for some other chick, or that their real estate agent shows houses to other potential buyers or their project manager manages other projects? Yeah... wouldn't happen. It needs to stop. And now. And, the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me that this is the norm, so I thought I'd try to get to the bottom of why most brides seem to hate the idea of their wedding vendors having other clients... So, here are the three big ideas I had as to the reasons behind this craziness, and some ideas as to how we can fix it. Ready?

1. Exclusivity... Or lack thereof... Bridey, your wedding vendors have other clients, and you feel as though it somehow minimizes the enormity of your day. You're not the only one getting married. Yikes! Did I hit a nerve? In fairness, we all love the idea of exclusivity, and you are no different. So, if your vendors have other clients who have hired them to do the same thing, then you are not feeling the exclusivity you want and need to feel. Am I getting warmer, bridey? Look, I get it, I really do, but at the same time, bridey, your vendors having other clients won't make your wedding day any less special. You hired them because they are fantastic, so knock off the cray cray and let go of the drama.

2. Jealousy. I think jealousy should be considered a four letter word. Right? I mean, there is nothing worse than a jealous woman (sorry, true story!), and more than that, a jealous bride (oh dear God!)! Bridey, if you're worried that the more clients a vendor has then the less they care about you, you're coo coo. But, it happens! I once had a bride tell me that she felt like I was cheating on her (openly) when I mentioned that I was off to an appointment with another bride after our meeting. REALLY? Bridey, it's amazing, but your vendors do have the capacity to love and adore all of their clients. Well, the ones worth loving and adoring. So BE one of those clients and drop the jealousy routine. It's super annoying. 

3. Entitlement. Bridey, you're spoiled. You're used to being number one all of the time, and you hate it when your vendors have the audacity to put another bride before you. Why can't they make time to talk to you everytime you call? Why can't they meet you as often as you would like? Why don't they seem as enthusiastic as you do? Well, usually it's because they are working with a client (or several clients) whose wedding is before yours. Like, well before yours. Like a fucking year before yours. When you take a step back and look at the big picture, it makes sense, right? The best part? Your time will come too... Just be patient.

So, the message here? The big secret? Bridey, you're not my only client. If I am any good, I have lots of clients. So, please, go pee somewhere else.

Image via Scientific American

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The REAL Reason Customer Service is Sometimes Lacking

Customer service is a topic that always seems to get me a bit emotional. Be it an absolutely amazing customer service experience (like the one the hus and I received at Michael Mina in Las Vegas) or a shitty customer service experience, both have the power to make you feel incredible or plain old pissed. Right? I mean, I still haven't stopped talking about Michael Mina, and that was almost a month ago! Brideys, it wasn't just the food that made the experience sensational, it was our very knowledgeable and professional server, the sommelier who suggested a delicious bottle of wine, and the hostess who wished us a pleasant evening as we left. We felt taken care of from the moment we entered the restaurant to the moment we left. And that is how it should be, isn't it? Yes! Unless...

Unless, you don't give it a chance. BB, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, let me tell you a story about a bride who ended up selecting the very venue which she slammed for a good month before she decided to host her wedding reception there. I know, totally crazy, right!! Well, when I met with this bride, "Samantha", I asked her where she had been looking, and what was important to her (some pretty standard questions which help me get an understanding of style and taste). And as we delved deeper and deeper into our conversation, I mentioned a FABULOUS venue that frankly, seemed like the obvious choice, and she said, "Fuck that place..." Whaaaa???? I was confused. Based on everything she was telling me, this venue was perfect.

When I asked her to give me some more details, she told me that she would love to get married there, but she had had a terrible experience when she and her mom went to see the space. I was stunned. She went on to tell me that the person they met with was completely underwhelming and clueless and that even though they loved the venue, overall, they were turned off. 

Clearly, Samantha saw my shock, and fell silent. I asked her who she had met with (because I know the team over there), and she said, "Some dude at the front desk." Ooooohhhhh..... Suddenly, it was all becoming clear to me. Samantha did not have an appointment. Aha! She walked in without an appointment and instead of meeting with a qualified sales manager to show her their exquisite ballroom and answer all of the pertinent questions around everything wedding, she met with one of the front desk agents who was probably busy being a front desk agent (on a busy Saturday), and anxious to get rid of her so that he could go back to the desk. 

There is No Better Friend Than a Sister...

Happy Thanksgiving brideys!! I hope you all made it to where you're supposed to be and are enjoying some time with family and friends. But, wherever you are I hope you are happy to be there... Me? I am quite happy. Yeah, my fucking car might have been stolen (Is There Really Always Something to be Thankful for?) with no word from the police, but I still managed to make it home, and have been enjoying myself ever since. Plus, I have an awesome Thanksgiving story to tell these days...

Save Yourselves! Get Out Now!

Did you think I was lying? Did you think I didn’t know? Seriously, like I haven’t seen and experienced SEVERAL brides behaving like complete diva bitches when it gets to be their turn? C’mon… The day “The Reasons Why You Cannot Be a Bridesmaid” appeared on Gawker, BB received piles and piles of emails from our followers asking what I thought about the content. And not to sound like a complete asshole,