Kids

Recently Engaged? Congratulations! 5 Steps to Take Before Falling Down the Wedding Planning Rabbit Hole

It’s that time of year again… It’s what I like to call “engagement season”. Yup! ’Tis the season when several million happy couples take the next glorious step in their relationship, and decide to tie the knot, take the plunge, buy the cow, get hitched, plight one’s troth (I think this is probably my fave), walk down the aisle, become husband and wife, lead to the altar, etc., I really could go on and on, but I’m pretty sure you get the point! No matter what you call it, you’ve decided to get married, and that’s fantastic… But, the thing is, most of you are embarking on a completely new and somewhat scary endeavor together. I mean, what should be amongst the greatest time and experience in your life is also one in which you’re about to spend a ton of money, fight about stupid shit (um, like linens and flowers), and open many of pandora’s boxes. Sounds fun, right? So, how do you keep your sanity and preserve the sanctity of your relationship before falling down the wedding planning rabbit hole? Try these 5 steps:

1. Enjoy being engaged! Live it up! Right? It seems so obvious, and yet so many brides (and grooms) rush into the wedding planning with hopeless abandon! Bridey, don’t rush it… Take some time to show off your beautiful ring and simply be engaged. You don’t have to know the details right away. Seriously, there’s no trophy for who can plan their wedding the fastest. So, chill the fuck out. Take this time to really be with your fiancé and embrace why you want to get married to him (or her)! Because marriage is much more than just a wedding, right? It literally symbolizes the first day of the rest of your lives together. And, if that’s not what it means to you, then run away… Fast, and NOW! 

2. Get the BIG discussions out of the way before you even think about planning your wedding. Look beyond your wedding day, and discuss your life after the honeymoon. Bridey, have you talked about having kids? Have you talked about what each of you want out of your career(s)? What do your finances look like? The sooner you tackle these big talks and determine if you two are on the same page, the better. I’ve seen couples deteriorate shortly after they get married simply because they got so wrapped up planning one fucking day, that they forgot to plan the rest of their lives! Focus on what matters, and remember that 99% of the time, people don’t change. For example, if one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t, then put the planning on hold… Probably forever… 

3. The wedding budget! AHHHHHH!!! Bridey, set your budget early, and then fight like a lunatic to stick to it. Oh, and add 20% in miscellaneous bullshit to that total. YUP! 20 fucking percent! I really can’t explain it, I just need you to do it! Listen, the budget has the potential to ruin everything; even your relationship. So, start doing your homework to get a feel for what wedding-y things cost where you live, and prioritize. How? What do I mean? See number four.

4. Determine what is most important to you two as a couple, and incorporate it into your wedding. For some of you, it is an open bar and music, and for others it is impeccable décor and food. Whatever it is, own it and filter out the rest… Spend your money and your time planning the things that will make your wedding day awesome, and then politely decline free advice from those eager to give it. Remember that this is the one day in your life where you get to call the shots, and make it all about who you are as a couple. So, fuck the peanut gallery and focus on what you want!

5. Take a vacation. Have a lot vacation sex (But, use protection… Nothing speeds up wedding planning like an impending birth!). Have fun! Enjoy each other! Come home strong and unified before the reality of wedding planning sinks in, and times get a bit strenuous. 

Some advice as you make your way through the planning? Make a pact and limit the wedding conversation to once or twice a week. Talk about other stuff… Like you used to before you got engaged. Don’t make every conversation and date night a planning session. Got it? Good! Then bitch less!!! 

Image via MARATHON

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ None and Done? Bridey, Here's Why You Should Believe Your Sig Other When They Say They Don't Want Kids...

So, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a truly incredible man last night. Like a super gregarious, super funny and super full of life kind of dude. He's the kind of guy that sucks you into the vortex of his crazy little world, has his way with you, and spits you out better than you started. Noooooo, it's not like that, bridey, I'm married with two kids, remember?!! And, I love the shit out of my hus! But, I was definitely drawn to his cool energy.

Anyway, we (the hus and I) were at a belated holiday party for company we do a lot of work with, and I ended up sitting next to this super fun guy who we will call, Abel. And, after a few bourbons and friendly convo, we got a bit more serious. Abel told me that he is officiating a wedding next month, and so we started to discuss the expectations of the B+G and the guests (ceremony length, readings, etc.), and ultimately this lead to a deeper discussion about marriage.

You see, Abel is divorced and for the same reason he divorced, his long term relationship ended. Why? Because Abel does not want children, and the women he committed to knew that he did not want kids, but thought they could change his mind. I never understood that shit... Seriously. Why we think we can change the fundamentals that make a person who they are is simply baffling. Clearly, this thought process is completely toxic and flawed for everybody involved. And yet, so many of us (ladies) still think that we can change the men (or women) we choose to be with or persuade them to falter to our wishes. What the fuck is that about? Right? But, to try to persuade somebody to have a baby when they don't want one? Yikes! I mean... That's a lifelong commitment, and I couldn't imagine wanting to have a baby with somebody who doesn't want kids. PERIOD.

And, this is not about liking kids. I like my own kids and pretty much hate everybody else's. Sorry, but not really. And, there are plenty of people who like kids, and like being around them, but just don't want to procreate. We all know these people, and usually they just want to be the "fun uncle" or the "fun aunt", and after spending the day with somebody else's kids, they want to give them back, and continue on with their hedonistic lives. Frankly? Sometimes I'm jealous! I mean, my kids are awesome, but there are definitely days when I wish I only had to worry about my own needs, not mine + two small human's needs.

The best part of this story is that Abel brought his girlfriend to the party (they celebrated their year anniversary last week), and she doesn't want kids either. There is no agenda. There is no persuading. There is no guilt. Just them. And, although I can't relate to not wanting kids, I can relate to resenting the shit out of trying to be forced into something I know I don't want. So, think twice, bridey. If your sig other is telling you that he (or she) doesn't want kids, and this is a deal breaker for you, then fucking listen.

Image via The Plaid Zebra