MOB

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Mother of the Bride Blues

August 13, 2013:

So... I received this "Ask Bitchless" in my mailbox the other day and feel as though the only way I can possbily respond is "in person"... And considering my own parents were married on a Tuesday, I have a few words of wisdom for the "Internal Eloper". Here's her dilemma:

Hello BB,

I’m in need of some advice. My fiancé and I have decided our wedding date (yay!). It’s Wednesday, October 29, 2014, the exact date of our ten year anniversary. SCREETCH! Did you say WEDNESDAY?! Yes, Wednesday. We wanted to keep our original anniversary date, but have only one hold up... my mother.

My parents are traditionalists and believe that weddings are reserved for Saturdays, and that the parents of the bride should be the ones funding the soiree. That being said, they want us to change the date to sometime later in 2015 so that they have time to gather the funds, and for us to choose a weekend date so that my grandmother (and all of her extended family who I have never met) can see her only granddaughter get married. As my mother said, "this day is not about you. It is about your grandma. Don't take this pleasure away from us." Am I crazy? Am I turning into a bitchy bride by wanting to keep my original date? Please let me know.

Sincerely,
Internal Eloper

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 10 Ways Your Mom Can Ruin Your Wedding Day

A few years ago, I wrote this this piece for the Huffington Post, and the reason I'm reposting it today is that I heard a horriffic MOB story and felt an overwhelming need to post this article. Bridey, there is a ton of shit that you will have to overcome during your wedding planning and sometimes even on your wedding day... Hopefully, your mother won't be one of them.

*******

I'm not a mother of the bride (MOB) hater, but even with that disclaimer, I guarantee that this article will not make me very popular amongst you moms. Actually, I'm pretty confident that after I spill these particular beans, I'm probably going to have every MOB emailing me messages stating their disappointment (such a mom word); accusing me of crossing that line of basic respect for our parentals, but based on my experience, I feel like it is my responsibility to share these beans with all of you brides-to-be so that you actually enjoy your wedding day.

Keep in mind, bridey, the only reason I am privy to this list is because I've witnessed it. That said, if you know what to look for, then at least you can consider yourself forewarned, and not let the crazy MOB get you down.

  1. Mom notices the little things that you never would have seen in your euphoric wedding day state, and keeps telling you about them. For instance, your menu cards are not quite center, one of the bridesmaid dresses is too tight, there's a place setting missing at table 24, blah, blah blah.
  2. Mom will not stop talking shit about your dad's new girlfriend. "How could he have brought her here? I mean, on such a special day for the family."
  3. Mom is constantly telling you to reapply your lipstick, "for the sake of the photographs, honey."
  4. Your mom? She's downright hammered. Must have been because of your dad's new girlfriend. Somebody really needs to pry the Chardonnay out of her hands. 
  5. I give you brideys a lot of shit about keeping your wedding planning in perspective, and not being a crazy bitch on your wedding day. But, today? Well, today it's your mom who is the bridezilla. She's an attention whore. She's a diva. She's a total bitch, demanding attention from anybody who will listen. She's out of control.
  6. Mom keeps referring to your wedding as "her day," even at the ceremony.
  7. Mom invited several guests you didn't even want at the wedding, and is off "entertaining" them while your photographer is trying to get a few family shots.
  8. She's a control freak. She keeps telling your vendors what to do, when to do it and basically, how to do their jobs. 
  9. She is following you around reminding you not to drink too much... "You want to remember everything about your wedding day, honey. I'd hate to see you drink too much and have your memories get muddled."
  10. You totally caught her taking a fingerful of the icing on the cake, and all she said is that no one will notice. Whaaaaa??!! (True story!)

Brideys, as a straight shooter, and as somebody who always has your back, consider yourselves forewarned. The best way around a poorly behaved MOB on your wedding day? Simply ignore her bad behavior (don't feed it), enjoy your new husband and have a good time! Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!

Image via Beauty | High50

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Get a Muzzle for Your Mother! When Open Bar Turns Ugly...

You know what? I have FUCKING had it!!! To say that I am appalled at the behavior I have witnessed tonight would be the fucking understatement of the year. Seriously, I have never had to suppress the urge to backhand a mother of the bride in my entire career until now. And, trust me; I have had some pretty awful MOBs, but tonight? Oh dear God. 

Let’s talk about the bar at your wedding, shall we, bridey? Look, I have not made it a secret that I hate cash bars. That said, as a planner I’ve worked with clients who don’t have the means to purchase drinks for 150 of their closest friends and family members. These brides would rather spend their money on food and décor, and that’s just fine. I don’t have to like it, but I totally get it. But, on the flip side, bridey, if you choose to keep the bar open, then keep the fucking bar open and shut your fucking eyes. Don’t monitor each and every drink that is poured, drunk and then cleared by the staff. Don’t scrutinize the bartenders with your devil eyes (ahem… MOB). If you were at all concerned about the bar bill adding up, then you should have negotiated a per person package price for the booze BEFORE the wedding. Because a bar based on the number of beverages consumed can add up, and quickly.

“I don’t have a drinking crowd.” She said. Bullshit. Yes you do. Once your guests realize that they are not responsible for buying their own cocktails, you’re fucked. Because NOW, my dear, you have a drinking crowd. Somebody else is paying for their booze, so OF COURSE your guests are going to take full advantage! They’re going to drink their fucking faces off!

Annnnndddd…. Besides, scrutinizing the bartenders pouring abilities… You’re pissed because they accepted a tip? Fuck you. This is their livelihood! This is what they do to pay their rent! How dare you have the audacity to question it! Was there a tip jar? C’mon, that’s tacky. No. Was there a basket? Nope. Still tacky. Did some super smart gentleman drop a bill down ON THE BAR and quietly suggest that the bartender take care of him? Yup. Smart move if you ask me. Well, to say that the MOB did not like the bartender accepting tips “because I already paid him” is putting it lightly. Did she freak out? Yeah… And LOUDLY! 

Know what she said about the bartender? Actually, know what she shouted loudly about the bartender during the cocktail hour? “I hate him. He is disgusting.” REALLY? You hate him. He’s disgusting? OMG. Quit projecting lady; you're the disgusting one. It's not up to you if your guests want to take care of the bartender(s) for taking care of them. You can't ask your guests not to give an additional tip, and you can't ask the bartender not to take it. 'Tis the nature of the business. 

So, bridey, if you're going to provide an open bar for your guests at your wedding, then remember these two key points. AHEM... 1. It's DEFINITELY going to be more than you anticipated (if you did not go for a pre-negotiated per person beverage price). 2. Your bartenders will make additional tips. PERIOD. No basket or tip jar required. And if you don't like it, too bad. Keep your mouth shut, or better yet? Get a muzzle for your mother.

Image via Sweet Cocktails