Wedding

Casting AWESOME Engaged Couples for a NEW Docuseries!!!!

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Bridey, this is only the second time I have agreed to share a wedding casting call with you (and, trust me, I get asked A LOT!). WHY? Why not help your FABULOUS ass get famous AND receive help planning your wedding? Well, I don't usually promote casting calls because more often than not, I find TV shows in the wedding space to be a complete and utter abomination of an industry I love (and love to hate). Usually these shows are an over the top celebration of bad bridal behavior, and it pisses me off. But, working with a hilarious wedding expert + her peeps? Ummmm… A MAZ ING! And while the hilarious wedding expert is not me (sad, but true), it’s the super funny + incredible Jamie Lee! I 100% appreciate her work, and that of the production company, ITV America, producing the show. So, here I am, sharing with you, because I want you to succeed! So, check out the two fliers below, and tell me how it all turns out!!

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Brideys! Are you sold yet? I am! I’ll TOTALLY get married again just to have the chance to be around these peeps! And, look down… Seriously? QUEER EYE!!! Yaaasssss!!!

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You’re welcome!

XO,

BB

BB's Hard at Work... Get Ready for Something BIG!!!

Brideys, SO sorry I haven’t posted anything inspirational or helpful this week. I’ve had my head down working on something BIG, something HUGE, something ENORMOUS! Get ready for the Bitchless Bride podcast!!!!! Yup! The Bitchless Bride podcast is launching next Thursday, October 18, 2018, and I couldn’t BE more excited! Be prepared to learn + laugh your ass off when you tune in! Oh, and feel free to share this news with anybody who will listen!!! Stay tuned… Pun 100% intended!

XO,

BB

Photo by Mikayla Mallek on Unsplash

What's Your "Why" Behind Wedding Planning?

For LC + NV.

For LC + NV.

My mom and one of my close friends work for a company that provides pretty amazing training and seminars for their teams around the country. And their BIG thing? The “thing” they ask to get juices flowing and bodies moving? It’s a very simple question meant to brew up some pretty big answers. The question is, “What’s your why?” What’s your dream? The thing(s) in your belly that gives you butterflies when you think about achieving it or conquering it, the thing(s) that get you excited or terrified or both, the thing(s) that keep you going... What is your motherfucking why? Well, I clearly added that last part in, but the question remains the same. And, after a few strong cocktails and fancy food, my friend asked me what my “why” was; what got my juices flowing? What scared me? What excited me?

I thought it was pretty obvious, but I told him that my “why” was to give every part of my life everything I had. Right? Or else there is no “why”! In clearer terms, my “why” is to be a fucking rockstar mother (who accidentally swears in front of her kids), a trophy wife (not the fake bullshit, but a wife who supports her hus, and at the same time makes him proud to be married to her), to bring Bitchless Bride off “paper” and onto TV (stay tuned for more on that), to bring perspective into weddings and wedding planning, and most of all, my “why” HAS GOT TO BE to enjoy my life as it’s happening. And, bridey, that was not the sauce talking, (although maaaaybe it helped me to vocalize my “why” more definitively), it was the juice mixed with some butterflies.

So, allow me to ask you the same question, but in regards to your wedding... “What’s your ‘why’ behind wedding planning?” What gets you motivated to make it all happen? To celebrate the shit out of your nuptials? What get you excited or nauseous? Why do this? Why go through the process, the planning, the pain? Because we all know it ain’t easy... So, what’s your “why”?

A few ideas about your “why” that come to my mind based upon my years of wedding planning, coaching, writing, and, ahem… preaching?

1. I think the most obvious answer is because of your intense love for your sig other. Right? And, if it’s not, then it should be! But, seriously, all of this work shouldn’t be in vain. If your sig other isn’t the driving force behind your “why” of wedding planning and oh, I don’t know, getting married, then stop what you’re doing and reevaluate. It’s better to realize this now, instead of 1.5 kids later… Truly loving your sig other will make the wedding planning SO much more bearable! IF this is your number one “why”, then congratulations, bridey, you’re in it for the right reasons!!

2. You’ve “earned” it. You love your sig other, and you’ve been to SEVERAL weddings together over the last few years, and now it’s your turn to create an event that is about you and your love. Share who you are together through your wedding. Make it memorable and awesome!

3. You’re smart. You’re smart together. You’re a smart couple who are budget savvy. You’re not going to fuck it up with overspending, drama and unrealistic expectations. Just celebrating.

4. “If I get married, I want to be very married.” Audrey Hepburn said that. Be very married, bridey. Be in it. Be content. Be courteous. Be conscientious. But, more than anything else, and as I just mentioned, enjoy your life as it’s happening… TOGETHER.

Bridey, your “why” is your truth behind wedding planning. While I’ve shared the most “popular” “why’s”, I can’t completely answer this question for you. However, I’d make pretty damn sure that I was doing it for the right reasons, and that your “why” equals that of your sig other. Got it??

Photo by Dominik Vanyi on Unsplash

Your Friends are Your Foundation… Love Them for Better, for Worse, for Richer, for Poorer, in Sickness and Health,’Til Parted by Death

My foundation (minus a few key players)...

My foundation (minus a few key players)...

I never had a bachelorette party. Perhaps it’s because I eloped and the party was a casualty of that decision, or maybe it’s because I didn’t want one. Either way, I’m on my back from Nashville, fifteen years after our engagement, fourteen years after we tied the knot, and about eight years after having our first child. Totally left my husband and kids to fend for themselves... Good thing my hus is perfectly capable of parenting without me. But, this wasn’t my bachelorette party, it was a weekend away with a few close friends; all of whom needed a fucking break from their current reality. All of whom have been married over ten years, lived a whole lot of life and wanted some time to play and rejuvenate.

According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, a bachelorette party is “a party for a woman who is going to get married, to which only her female friends are invited.” Honestly? That’s bullshit. Because, these parties should be for any and all who have dared to live and love even a little bit, married, engaged or single. You don’t have to be getting married to celebrate friendship and have some much needed time with your close girlfriends (and guy-friends too). Because with living and loving, there comes a price; a tax; a toll simply for having the balls to show up and participate, IF you actually dare to give your life everything you've got, and more. And for that kind of hustle, we should celebrate! Right? Fuck yeah! But, this trip? What I think we were really celebrating? Our friendship. Our foundation. Our fearlessness. Because when you allow somebody into your fucked up little world, and they don’t run away screaming, that’s totally grounds for celebration.

We’re celebrating the girls that get us through the day; the girls who understand our ups and downs. These are the girls who get us without strings attached and without judgement, even on our worst day (and trust me, once you get through your wedding and onto the next stage of your relationship with your sig other, you definitely don’t want anybody in your life who judges you!!). Now, ask yourself, bridey, as you prepare for your bachelorette, wedding, etc.… Are these your friends? Are these the girls (guys) you have in your life right now? Because if not, call bullshit and get rid of them. Because they will not enhance your life or your party, instead, they will suck the life out of you and your party.

I’ve touched on this previously, but it's worth mentioning again... These friends are the girls (or guys) standing with you on your wedding day. These are the girls (or guys) who have probably held your hair when you've had too much to drink. These are the girls who are wholeheartedly happy for you, and want the true you. They are happy when you are happy. They are sad when you’re sad. But, no matter what, they are there for you, and that alone is the real treat. Your wedding is only the beginning. It’s not just about you and hus, it’s about shoring up the foundations of the people who support you so that you can love in sickness and health, for better or worse... Celebrate your foundation. Don’t take it for granted and don’t stop celebrating. 

Bridey, if your marriage falls apart, your foundation will be there for you. Don’t lose it, nurture it as hard as you nurture you marriage. Got it? Good! Now, where’s that penis straw?

Image via the woman sitting in front of us at the CMA's!!

Reboot! ~ Feeling Out of Control, Bridey? How to Climb Back Up the Downward Wedding Spiral of Despair…

It's really easy to lose yourself and your self control while planning your wedding. Actually, it's really easy to lose yourself in any large and somewhat daunting project. Right? I mean it starts innocently enough, but then it all seems to add up and up and up, and usually all at the same time. The big picture begins to feel really fucking big and unsurmountable. And wedding planning? On top of all of the other shit you have going on? Feels brutal and unforgiving. The endless details, the myriad of friends and family members offering their advice and suggestions, the constant changes and moving parts! OH MY!!! There seriously isn't enough Xanax in the world to calm your ass down! But, don't worry! That's why I have created a list of ways for you to climb back up the downward spiral of despair and kick some wedding ass! Ready?

1. Quit making it so big! Break your wedding planning down into small, manageable pieces. You don't have to have all of the answers now. Just know that you have to get them... eventually. Bridey, it’s been said that all great things take time to build. Same is true for weddings. So stop pressuring yourself to get it all done so fast. I mean... Don't be a slacker, but at the same time, don't push too hard too fast either. This is a giant undertaking; one that's expensive and emotional, and you have to break it down to be successful. Sometimes looking at the big picture can make it feel completely impossible. But, looking at it piece by piece? Totally obtainable! 

2. Be fucking nice. Be fucking nice to everyone whether they’re involved in your wedding planning or not. If what you put out is what you get back (the law of cause and effect), don’t be a nasty bitch. Seriously, I’ve been preaching this shit for years! Be nice! This is probably the easiest “fix” on the list because it’s so simple. Think about it… If you’re a nasty bitch, then inevitably you can expect to be greeted with nasty bitches in return. Right? So don’t be a bitch! You get more bees with honey, so be sweet, and delicious and golden. You’ll be amazed at how your wedding planning experience changes, and quite possibly your life too.

3. Ask for help. If I had to guess, I’d imagine that since you’ve been sporting that rock on your hand, you have had several people offer to help you… Right? So, take them up on it! Get some help! Bridey, there is no shame in asking for help and delegating tasks. Just be sure that you trust the delegates. 

4. Stop! You can totally drop and roll if you want, but I just want you to stop. Stop beating yourself up. Stop thinking about what you should be doing, could be doing, or what you didn’t do. Just stop, bridey. Stop the negativity. Because one thing leads to another and next thing you know you’re in a full blown panic over something stupid, something negative, and something completely ridiculous, and it can catapult into this monstrous snowball of negativity super fast. But, it can only have power if you give it power. So just STOP. Think about what you’ve accomplished thus far, and be proud. 

5. Be patient. Be patient with yourself, the people trying to help you, and your fiancé. When shit feels unbearable, be patient; take a step back. Find a distraction (that isn’t wedding related) that makes you happy and delirious. What do I do? I bake and then lick the bowl (and eat the cookies, but enough about me!). Just remove yourself from the situation, and be patient.

Bridey, I know what it feels like to be out of control, and feel helpless as you tumble. But, I know you can get through it! The crazy thing? These five steps? 100% applicable to your wedding planning AND your marriage. 

How to Get Past the Stupid Shit People Say About Your Wedding Planning (and You), and Survive!

It’s no secret that people say stupid shit, right? I mean, sometimes I am absolutely dumfounded at the pure stupidity uttered from people who generally mean well, but can’t seem to find the right sequence of words to string together to make what they are  TRYING to say purposeful and/or helpful. And, oftentimes, the “offender” will recognize their error in judgement almost immediately (probably after seeing you cringe), put their foot in their mouth and apologize, but those other times… Oh my Gaaawwwd! UGH! The “offender” is completely clueless, continuing on with their judgy diatribe of words, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your pride and self worth. Am I right? Did you just picture a few “offenders”? So, how can you, bridey, get past the stupid shit people are inevitably going to say to you about your wedding plans (and you personally) at a time when you are at your most vulnerable?

Here's some of the stupidest shit people say — and the solutions:

The Complimenter: This is by FAR my favorite insultingly awesome “compliment” I hear my clients grieve over (usually for weeks).

Offender: “Oh my goodness! You look great! You’ve definitely lost A LOT of weight.” You see, this seems and feels like a compliment, however the implication is that you had A LOT of weight to lose, and that you were a giant fat ass prior to losing all of this weight for the wedding.

The solution?: Reinterpret the statement as, “Oh my goodness! You look great! You’ve clearly been working hard.” Because, in my heart of hearts, bridey, I know that this is what the “offender” meant to say. It’s just that they didn’t say it tactfully, which means you have to change how you hear it.

The Comparer: When the “offender” is trying to stir the shit… This bitch knows exactly what she is doing, and is purposefully trying to get you riled up.

Offender: “Wow. When I planned my wedding, I had all of my vendors lined up within weeks of choosing the date.” OR “I already had all of that stuff done at this point in the planning.” The implication here is that you are way behind the eight ball, and you’re fucked; your wedding is fucked, and she’s better than you.

The solution?: Rise above, bridey, rise above! Walk away from this conversation, and rid yourself of the bullshit comparison. Even if you ARE feeling behind in your wedding planning, you don’t want to engage with somebody who isn’t there to help you, but would rather compete with you. So, don’t compete. And, the good news for you slackers (kidding), is that being behind in your wedding planning doesn’t mean you won’t catch up. And fast. A lot of the time, all it takes is an hour or two to sit down, get yourself organized, and then knock things off of that “to-do” list.

The Inquisitor: We all have these people in our lives. They are super inquisitive, super annoying, and super nosy. Quite simply, they ask too many questions and don’t know when to quit.

Offender: “Your ring is huge! I can only imagine what your wedding budget looks like…” OR “How much is this whole ‘wedding thing’ setting you back?” OR “How does it feel to be the last of you friends getting married?” See what I mean? Too many fucking questions! Rude ones! Insensitive ones!

The solution?: Other than saying nothing and walking away? Or being an asshole (I give you permission, but…)? Don’t use seven words when four will do (totally stole this line from Brad Pitt in Ocean's Eleven)… Be short and concise as you gently tell the “offender” to mind their own business. You don’t have to answer these questions, bridey. In fact, please don’t. Shut it down, and move on.

The Diminisher: This one KILLS me. Like scrape me off of a busy road, kind of kills me… The diminisher has a tendency to make you feel small for caring as much as you do about your wedding (and the planning).

Offender: “I don’t know what the big deal is… It’s just one day.” Holy shit! Hold me back! Buuuuuut, the thing is, I actually agree with the “offender” because it IS just one day, and your marriage is about so.much.more than the day itself. However, it is a stressful, expensive and emotional day, and to downplay the enormity of it gives me rage.

The solution?: Don’t give in. Don’t let the “offender” get away with that bullshit, while at the same time don’t sink down to their level. There is no need to justify this statement. Simply say that it’s important to you, and they don’t have to understand.

The “Ought-er”: The ought-er is somebody who generally means well, but has a strong opinion about what you should be doing.

Offender: “You ought-a look into getting your haircut before the wedding.” OR “You ought-a make sure you have the budget for the extra flowers.” OR “You ought-a BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!” We get it, and perhaps you’re right, but whenever anybody starts a sentence with “you ought-a”, I immediately tune out because I am annoyed.

The solution?: Tune it out like I do. The ought-er is usually a nice person who has your best interests in mind, but doesn’t express it well. So be polite and take the “ought-er” with a grain of salt.

Bridey, you are doing great! It’s super important for you to ignore the stupid shit people say as you plan your wedding. 99% of the time, it’s them, not you!!! So, keep your wits about you, and continue to slay the cray!!!

Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography

Shifting from the ‘Getting Married’ Phase to the ‘Getting Divorced’ Phase and Why...

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***I originally shared this piece on Huffington Post, but the response was strong enough that I wanted to share it with you here too. Bridey, this is definitely more of an already married post, but with a message about how important it is to put the same energy into your marriage as you put into planning your wedding.***

Bridey, suddenly, I find that I am at the age where people are getting divorced not getting married, and it’s totally fucked up. It hit me like a ton of bricks the other night after a few cocktails, and a lot of interesting conversation with some incredibly strong women sharing tidbits of life over some fried pickles (they’re really good) and French fries. I know, disgusting…but, it was a delicious guilty pleasure! Anyway, when I got home, I had a fucking epiphany and thought, “Oh shit, I am officially out of the getting married phase and in the divorce phase. How the hell did I get here, and so fast?”

The thing is, none of the ladies I was with are getting divorced, but we started talking about how hard marriage can be; juggling our careers, all of the kid shit, lives of our own, and through all of that, seeming to lose our connection with our sig other. And with thatclarity, it’s pretty easy to see why people get divorced… Because marriage is hard. Marriage is something that requires a ton of work and sacrifice, and sometimes it’s easier to give up that to put the work into it.

But, I wonder what would happen if we put the kind of pressure on ourselves for our marriage to be “perfect” instead of our wedding to be “perfect”. Seriously, think about how much, time, money and energy go into planning a wedding. Weeks and months and for some people, even years, right? And at the same time, think about how much time, money and energy go into getting a divorce? About the same (if not more) as your wedding… Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees the irony in that correlation! Right? Now ask yourself why we focus on ONE day, one fucking day, being “perfect” as opposed to focusing that energy into our marriage being “perfect”. Why should that one day, the first day of our marriage, be worth more than a lifetime of marital bliss. WHY?

It’s not. Your wedding day is not more important, but some people treat it as if it is; as if it’s the only thing that matters and the rest will fall into place afterwards. And, you know what? That’s bullshit. My vantage point as a wedding planner and as a married woman of more than a decade? Well, it seems as though you’re a whole lot less likely to give up planning a wedding when the stress feels overwhelming simply because you recognize that the stress is temporary, and a whole lot more comfortable giving up a marriage simply because the stress feels indefinite. But, what if we merged these feelings? What if we allowed ourselves to acknowledge that it’s okay to not be happy every.single.day of our marriage (because you won’t be), and that just because today sucks (and potentially next week too), doesn’t necessarily mean that we should quit (unless there is physical danger and/or abuse… then quit and run!).

Unhappiness can be temporary too, but only if you allow it to be. We could be talking about any facet of your life in which you are unhappy, and once you realize that it’s temporary, and you have control over it, it feels better, right? You decide to not be unhappy anymore, and work your ass off to fix what’s broken. You don’t deem yourself “bad” for being unhappy, so don’t do it in your marriage. Marriage is hard and could have made June Fucking Cleaver unhappy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the two of you are “bad” together. It just means that you need to communicate and put time into it; just like you did when you were planning your wedding. And, please don’t mistake my tenacity to make it work for naivety. I know that “working at it” won’t fix all marriages, and that some are doomed from the beginning. However, I do think we give up too easily when things get tough as opposed to at least trying to move forward… TOGETHER.

Image via Kev Seto

Why You Should Act Like Your Mother is Your Wedding Planner

If there was a word that is the equivalent to saying that a bride is a bridezilla, but in real estate, what would it be? For instance, if the agent's client is a royal pain in the ass and "difficult", how would she/he be classified? I guess we could just say the the client has a 'zillatude and most people would understand, right? But, that's not the point. The point is, I'm selling my house and purchasing another one, and I've been told that I am being difficult like "how brides get". Holy shit. Ouch! The only difference in this particular circumstance? My agent is my mother.

My agent is my mother. I felt like I needed to repeat that statement so that you can grasp the full enormity and effect of the situation. Is my mom allowed to call me difficult to my face? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. But, the Bitchless Bride in me kind of liked that she called me out on my shitty behavior. I mean, it still sucks whenever your mom calls you out (especially as I am approaching 40 years old!), but it needed to be done. I was definitely not being respectful simply because I was stressed and felt overwhelmed, but that doesn't give me carte blanche to be a bitch. Right? Right. Sound familiar, bridey? 

I have always said that as much as shitty bridal behavior kills me, I understand where it comes from. The amount of money being spent, the ever changing and painstaking logistics, the family dynamics, etc. It's a lot to manage and can throw even the most level-headed person over the fucking edge. But, wouldn't it be nice if we, your wedding vendors, could call you, the bride, out openly and without kid gloves just like my mother did when I stepped out of line? Because, more often than not, sometimes being called out is exactly what it takes to snap out of the craziness and back into normalcy. It's like being slapped across the face (and, oh boy do I wish that was an acceptable way of snapping a bride out of it!) and knocked back into to reality. Right? Suddenly you realize what an asshole you were being and therefore you stop behaving like one. I mean... Seriously! What would your mother think of your attitude and antics?

But, and there's always a but, not every vendor is your mother who can set you straight and actually have you listen. So, when things get stressful and you feel completely out of control, out of sorts and out of your fucking mind? You, bridey, have to ask yourself, "What if my mom was my wedding planner?”. Mine? Well, put it this way.... After I apologized for my shithavior (yeah, I totally just made that word up), I asked her what she thought the equivalent word/phrase would be for bitchy real estate client in (relation to what my industry would deem a “bridezilla”), and she said, “Client from hell"!! Obviously, a jab at me because of my bad behavior, but at least she had the luxury of doing something about it. And you? What would your mom do if she were your wedding planner, and you were her client from hell?

Image via Scott Webb

Feeling Out of Control, Bridey? How to Climb Back Up the Downward Wedding Spiral of Despair…

It's really easy to lose yourself and your self control while planning your wedding. Actually, it's really easy to lose yourself in any large and somewhat daunting project. Right? I mean it starts innocently enough, but then it all seems to add up and up and up, and usually all at the same time. The big picture begins to feel really fucking big and unsurmountable. And wedding planning? On top of all of the other shit you have going on? Feels brutal and unforgiving. The endless details, the myriad of friends and family members offering their advice and suggestions, the constant changes and moving parts! OH MY!!! There seriously isn't enough Xanax in the world to calm your ass down! But, don't worry! That's why I have created a list of ways for you to climb back up the downward spiral of despair and kick some wedding ass! Ready?

1. Quit making it so big! Break your wedding planning down into small, manageable pieces. You don't have to have all of the answers now. Just know that you have to get them... eventually. Bridey, it’s been said that all great things take time to build. Same is true for weddings. So stop pressuring yourself to get it all done so fast. I mean... Don't be a slacker, but at the same time, don't push too hard too fast either. This is a giant undertaking; one that's expensive and emotional, and you have to break it down to be successful. Sometimes looking at the big picture can make it feel completely impossible. But, looking at it piece by piece? Totally obtainable! 

2. Be fucking nice. Be fucking nice to everyone whether they’re involved in your wedding planning or not. If what you put out is what you get back (the law of cause and effect), don’t be a nasty bitch. Seriously, I’ve been preaching this shit for years! Be nice! This is probably the easiest “fix” on the list because it’s so simple. Think about it… If you’re a nasty bitch, then inevitably you can expect to be greeted with nasty bitches in return. Right? So don’t be a bitch! You get more bees with honey, so be sweet, and delicious and golden. You’ll be amazed at how your wedding planning experience changes, and quite possibly your life too.

3. Ask for help. If I had to guess, I’d imagine that since you’ve been sporting that rock on your hand, you have had several people offer to help you… Right? So, take them up on it! Get some help! Bridey, there is no shame in asking for help and delegating tasks. Just be sure that you trust the delegates. 

4. Stop! You can totally drop and roll if you want, but I just want you to stop. Stop beating yourself up. Stop thinking about what you should be doing, could be doing, or what you didn’t do. Just stop, bridey. Stop the negativity. Because one thing leads to another and next thing you know you’re in a full blown panic over something stupid, something negative, and something completely ridiculous, and it can catapult into this monstrous snowball of negativity super fast. But, it can only have power if you give it power. So just STOP. Think about what you’ve accomplished thus far, and be proud. 

5. Be patient. Be patient with yourself, the people trying to help you, and your fiancé. When shit feels unbearable, be patient; take a step back. Find a distraction (that isn’t wedding related) that makes you happy and delirious. What do I do? I bake and then lick the bowl (and eat the cookies, but enough about me!). Just remove yourself from the situation, and be patient.

Bridey, I know what it feels like to be out of control, and feel helpless as you tumble. But, I know you can get through it! The crazy thing? These five steps? 100% applicable to your wedding planning AND your marriage. 

**FLASHBACK** When it's too Late to Negotiate

Allow me to set the scene for you... You're at some luxury car dealership signing all of the paperwork, swiping your card for the deposit and soon your fancy ass will be gallivanting around in a FAB new car! You are totally in love with it, and you can't wait to drive off of the lot and show your friends! Anyway, fast forward about six or seven months... Suddenly you decide that you really should have gone with the package which included the navigation and the sunroof, so you dial the dude who sold you the car to initiate what you thought would be some friendly conversation.  

Bridey: "Hi Dude, it's Bridey Macpherson, and I've decided that I really need to have the nav system and sunroof.

Dude: "Hi Bridey. Allow me to look into that for you."

Bridey: "What do you mean, 'look into that'?"

Dude: "Well, I know that adding a sunroof is about $700.00, and that the addition of the nav can run you about $2,000.00, but let me check with the service department and get back to you." (Clearly, I am making up these numbers!!)

Bridey: "I don't understand. I bought a car from you. I gave you my business. Surely there must be something you can do for me. I was really hoping that you could just make it happen for me."

Dude: "Sorry Bridey, but you've already paid your deposit and drove off of my lot six months ago. If I didn't sell the car to you, I'd have sold it to somebody else."

Bridey: "So, you won't do anything to help me?"

NOOOOOOO... He won't!! Because does this line of conversation seem logical to you? I mean... Would you EVER try this stunt (and expect it to work) with the dude from the car dealership? No, you wouldn't... Well, then, please don't try it with the peeps at your wedding venue. Because we are all way too nice to call you fucking crazy and ignorant (to your face), even if you are just that, a crazy and ignorant bride. Here's the actual conversation between a bride-to-be, and her friendly wedding coordinator:

Bridey: "Hi wedding coordinator (WC), I've decided that I really need to give my guests a third entrée option. Let's add the salmon into the equation. What's the exact verbiage again? My invitations are going out next week, and I want to be sure it's correct."

WC: "Bridey, I'll email you the appropriate verbiage and I'll check with the chef and get back to you with the per person pricing for the additional entrée."

Bridey: "What do you mean, WC? I don't understand... Why would there be an additional cost?"

WC: "Well, if you are looking to provide your guests a third option, you are asking that the chef prepare three separate meals, and there's an additional charge." 

Bridey: "WC, I don't know if you realize this, but we are giving your establishment a lot of business. We are practically taking over for the weekend. I really think you need to make it happen for me."

WC: "If it were up to me, I absolutely would make it happen for you, but there is only so much I can do considering that your wedding is during one of the busiest times for the property."

REALLY? I've gone through this a million times... Bridey, why on earth do you think that anybody needs to "make something happen" for you simply because you chose to give them your business? REALITY CHECK... What do you think would happen if you walked into Nordstrom and told the sales associate that because you bought expensive shoes in their store a month ago, they should just give you some sunglasses? Sounds completely ludicrous, right? Well, that's essentially what you are asking of your wedding coordinator except for some reason, it only seems ludicrous when she CAN'T "make it happen".

Bridey, if providing your guests with three entrée selections is important to you, fine. But, this is the kind of thing that must be negotiated (if it's not included) BEFORE you sign the contract. Then, if the sales person can "make it happen" for you, then they will. But, if it is the busiest time of the year for this establishment, they might just tell you "too bad" because another bride will pay the same money and have far less demands...

Image via From up North

***FLASHBACK*** Later to Launch? Why Couples Should Get Married Later...

So, the other day, I felt like a total adult. Like, so adulty, that it made me feel uncomfortable. Why? Well, my hus and I took a long overdue trip to the attorney's office to sign our wills, health care proxies, and other important documents so that we could protect our kids from any additional anguish should the worst case scenario become a reality. Wouldn't you say that I am officially an adult? I know! Right? Ugh. It was a tough day, but necessary!

The reason I'm writing about this? Well, Mr. Attorney said something to me that I couldn't shake in regards to when my kids should have access to their trusts (when we actually have $$ to give them!). He said that age 35 is the new 25. What does that mean? Well, depending on how my kids develop (and who they develop into), giving them access to a decent sum of money without a chaperone (the executor), could be a mistake. I mean... Who's to say that my future, 25 year-old daughter wouldn't blow it on shoes or, gulp, drugs, instead of a wedding or down payment??? Right? When I went to fight him on this point, he said that "kids these days are later to launch..." That phrase totally stopped me (and my argument) dead in my tracks. Why? Because he's right!

I'm in my late 30s, and my parents and most of my friends' parents got married and had kids by 25(ish). Seems totally insane, right? Seriously, I couldn't even imagine having a kid in my 20s, let alone being responsible for his/her well-being! And, when you look at the trend as far as age in relation to weddings these days, people are getting married later in their lives because, they are later to launch! They are leaving their parents homes later, they are settling into their careers later, they are finding love later. So, it makes sense that they are getting married later. And later is better for a lot of reasons. Why?

1. You're done weeding. Huh? You're done weeding out the bullshit. You've dated and dated, and now you know what you want. Gone are the days of sowing oats... Now, you're aged to perfection, and you only want one oat to sow.

2. In the same way you know what you want in a partner, you have a better understanding of what your wedding will look like. More of what you want, less of what other people want, and most likely, more of your own money. You begin to think practically and take responsibility for that practicality.

3. Perspective. Yup! My favorite word. You care more about the person you're going to marry, and your life after the wedding, than the wedding itself. I mean, you're excited about your wedding day, but it's not the only day you will look back on fondly... Especially when you have your whole lives to look forward to!

4. It's not your parent's wedding, it's yours, and the people on the "A" list are on the only list. Not to mention, they actually want to be there. An added bonus? You know everybody who's coming. 

5. You're used to yourself, and you like who you've become. No more "faking it until you make it". Or settling. You'd rather be alone than settle for the wrong dude (or lady).

So, later to launch...? Okay Mr. Attorney, I understand what you're saying, and now that I've had time to let it marinate, I'm going to rest my case.

Image via marie claire

How to be a Better Bridesmaid

Guest Post by Jen Glantz

I am pretty fucking lucky to have the opportunity to share with article with you, bridey. The author, Jen Glantz, is a professional bridesmaid. Seriously. Totally not lying. This is what she does. She has rocked the altar for hundreds of brides; a true heroine with a bouquet. If I were you? I'd send this link to all of the women lucky enough to stand up in your wedding, print it, laminate it, and  have pocket-size copies available. But, that's just me... Anyway... Enjoy! 

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Being a bridesmaid can seriously be the role of a lifetime, if you do it right. If you do it wrong, you’ll find yourself with lingering headaches, dwindling funds in your savings account, and zero free time to do what you want on the weekends. It can start to feel like that internship you had in college, where you worked your butt off and didn’t get paid a cent. 

There’s a lot of pressure surrounding you when you’re a member of the bride’s wedding squad, so if you’re finding yourself starting to stress before you’ve stepped into your bridesmaid dress, here are 5 simple things you can do to be a legendary bridesmaid for your best friend.

Say No

I’ll get right to the point. Start saying no. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for the bride. If you can’t make it to something or can’t afford something, give the bride a heads up early. Think she’ll be upset with you? Not if you’re honest and you do it with plenty of time to spare.

Skip Asking to Help

The most stressful thing you can say to a person who is already stressed out is, “What can I do to help?” Instead of asking, plan nights or weekends where you can sit down with the bride and help her tackle her to-do list.

Order Your Dress ASAP

The one phone call you don’t want to have to make as a bridesmaid is to the bride the week of her wedding, letting her know your bridesmaid dress won’t be ready in time. These dresses take time to ship to you, so order it the minute you know which dress you have to wear.

Leave Your Drama at Home

Even if you’re having your own problems in the love department or have a boss that’s constantly making you roll your eyes, leave your drama at home during the wedding or you might risk bringing everyone in the bridal party down.

Bring the F Word

Weddings should be fun and as a bridesmaid, it’s part of your responsibilities to make sure that the days before the wedding and the big celebration is a time to dance, laugh and snap as many photos as you possibly can with your iPhone camera.

Jen Glantz is the author of the new book Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire) and the founder of the head-turning business, Bridesmaid for Hire. She can often be spotted wearing old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store or on first dates. You can follow her adventure here