Wedding Expectations

Wedding Planning + Side Hustle or Hobby = Wedding Planning Bliss

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Bridey, did you read the title and have a mini panic attack? Did you read the title and think, “isn’t this the same person who wrote, Why Planning Your Wedding Actually IS a Full Time Job!”? Did you read the title and think, “That bitch is crazy! How can I possibly add one more thing to all of my things?!!”? Trust me, when I wrote the title of this post, I realized that I was going to have a whole lot of explaining to do! But, here’s the actual thing, we get through the shit we don’t particularly enjoy so that we can move on to the shit we really do enjoy. Right? It doesn’t matter what “it” is, because the truth is, we all need motivation to get through the hard parts of life. So, we dangle the carrot of joy in front of our eager belly when we need a push, when we need a kick in the ass, when we need to finish whatever the fuck is weighing us down so that we can focus on what truly makes us happy. And, a lot of the time? It’s the shit we do on the side... It’s our side hustle or our hobby that becomes our “temple”.

So, bridey, time to get a hobby. Get a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side (obviously in the non-cheating sense of that phrase!!). Go do something that brings you joy; that makes you happy. For some of you, that may mean making some extra cash to put towards the wedding or an over-the-top wedding dress or some extravagance related to the wedding, and for others it’s truly just for fun; an escape from the planning which will allow you to separate yourself from the stress. But, whatever the case may be, go get your hustle/hobby on. It’ll save you... from YOU. But, no matter what your hustle/hobby is, bridey, dive in. Go crazy. Let go. Allow it to seep into your soul.

When I was discussing this hustle/hobby mission of mine with one of my friends, she asked, “So, what would I do? What would your hobby be?”. And after some serious consideration, the last bite of dessert and a swig of my cocktail, I told her that if I were in the midst of wedding planning (my own wedding, not yours), I’d take a class. Something I really look forward to; something scheduled. A class like martial arts or cooking; something that built on what I had learned the previous week so that making excuses for missing my new hobby would be uncomfortable. In my early 20s, I went to culinary school to become a pastry chef (see the extremely large pic of me below in cake class), and while I completed the program, I didn’t pursue the dream (because it became clear to me that I belonged in the front-of-the-house, engaging with people, not chatting in the back-of-the-house where my colleagues simply tolerated my enthusiasm), and my skills are super rusty. I’d love to take a cake decorating class, and update my skill because when I’m in the kitchen, I’m at peace, I’m focused on what I’m doing, and the noise of the rest of the world is quiet. 

Yeah, I made that cake, and those amazing white chocolate flowers!!

Yeah, I made that cake, and those amazing white chocolate flowers!!

That brings us back to you, bridey. What are you going to do to quiet the wedding planning noise? To be at peace? To make a little extra money? To learn something new? The options are pretty endless, seriously, just Google it, and you can see for yourself. The thing is, it has to excite you not stress you. The whole point of this is to escape, not to bring on additional stress. So, go… Get a hobby. Go hustle. Go be happy. I’m giving you permission to enjoy your life while planning your wedding… Got it? Good! Then stay Bitchless! 

Photo by Clark Tibbs on Unsplash

Why Ditching Your Wedspectations will Create Wedding Planning Bliss

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Bridey, do you have you ever have those fights in your head that never (thankfully) actualize in real life? You know what I mean… You set your internal stage for this big emotional “fight”, including (but, not limited to) each and every possible witty retort, amazingly shrewd comebacks, and “told you so” jabs, although when the real situation presents itself, all of the energy you put into this big to-do typically ends up being completely moot (totally love this word!). You have these unfounded expectations about what something will be or should be, but the truth is, you have no idea what to expect, so you automatically expect the worst. Right? We all do it. And, how many of those imaginary altercations actually happen in real life? Probably none. So, instead of being present and enjoying the present, you spent the last hour, or day or week wasting your energy on this bullshit concoction. How fucked up is that?

I hate to say it, but I see this kind of thing all the time in wedding planning. There’s this BIG expectation, this BIG feeling built up of what it should be like, or what you should be doing/feeling/experiencing, and because most of you haven’t done “it” before, the truth is, you really have NO idea what to expect. All you know is what you’ve absorbed via what I call, wedding osmosis. Wedding osmosis is the shit you’ve mentally stored away based on what you’ve seen at weddings you’ve attended, photographs you saw on Pinterest or Insta, or blogs, etc.… So, how do we adjust your reality so that you can enjoy preparing for this big event instead of building it up to be something terrifying? How can you start with a clean slate? Trust me, it’s possible, but you have to be willing to let go of your coo coo internal dialogue and start small. But, how?

Bridey, imagine entering the world of wedding planning without any preconceived notions? Zero assumptions. Clean slate, baby… What if instead of starting the process with these great expectations, you started the process with no expectations? HOLY SHIT! Could you do it?! Yaaaaassss you can! Ditching your wedspectations will create wedding planning bliss and change your experience tremendously! Because, it’s really simple. Just dare to go at your own pace. Dare to filter out the noise, and fuck the “rules”, fuck the pressure, and fuck anybody who attempts to wedding shame you about all the shit you are or are not doing. You do you. Period. By squashing your own inner beast and limiting wedding osmosis, you can take charge of your plans on your terms without going crazy, broke, insane and friendless.

There’s so much pressure for you and your sig other to get started planning at this ridiculously feverish pace, that not only will you forgo enjoying your engagement, but you won’t take the appropriate time to learn what the hell you should be doing to build a beautiful day. Hitting the ground running is one thing, but simply hitting the ground is something totally different. Baby steps will still get you to the end, and you’ll be better for it. So, take a deep breath. Take one day at a time, and ditch your expectations. I promise, you’ll be absolutely amazed at the outcome. 

Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash

Why an Alternative Way of Communicating with Your Wedding Vendors Can Save Your Sanity

We live in a world where people expect to be responded to immediately, and if they're not taken care of immediately, then too often they become irate, irrational and, ignorant. Not ignorant in the traditional sense of the word, but ignorant to the situation. For instance, if you're trying to reach someone and you're not getting the desired response, but continue to communicate in the same way, maybe it's time to consider how you're communicating; maybe there's a glitch in the system. Maybe it's time to try adjust your method. Like... Try calling instead of sending a hostile email. I know it's archaic, but sometimes a phone call can clear the air immediately.

Obviously there's a story here... Allow me to explain. I'm working with a couple who are quite lovely, but extremely high strung. The budget seems to be bulging (because the guest list keeps expanding!) and the more it bulges, the more uptight groomy becomes. And the more uptight groomy becomes, the more upright bridey becomes. A recipe for disaster... And because I'm the "outsider" (non-family member, non-BFF, basically a nobody) more often than not, I'm usually on the receiving end of of this disastrous recipe. And it sucks. I'm starting to get pretty fucking irritated as I continuously catch shit for the imaginary fights people have within themselves.

Last week, he became irate. Why? Because he wasn't getting my follow up emails (I sent three, didn't hear back, something that happens quite a bit in my world because people are busy) not realizing that he wasn't receiving them, and therefore thinking everything was copacetic. And instead of calling me (or texting), to see what was going on, he sat on it, fuming. Like, you'd have thought I'd never ever responded to a single email. And, the strange thing is that I have always been super communicative with them, so you can imagine my surprise when I received a nasty, borderline hateful, email from him telling me how unprofessional I was. Wow. Unprofessional? Ouch! Know what I did, bridey? I picked up the phone and we had a conversation. Duh.

Within a minute, the situation was under control. Within a single minute I was able to diffuse his piss-poor behavior. And that poor asshole? Well, he sat there for days getting more and more pissed off instead of simply calling me to see what was up. And, it really was that simple. I mean, whatever happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt (oh, and basic human decency!)? I had never given them (him) a reason to think that I was neglectful. I had always responded quickly and professionally, and suddenly, within a week I'm unprofessional? Fuck off.

Bridey (and Groomy), I hope the lesson is clear here. If you're not receiving the response you're accustomed to, and if your vendors haven't given you a reason to doubt their communicative ability, then consider alternative way to connect. Consider that perhaps there's a problem. Or just sit there like an asshole getting angry and irate. Your choice. Got it?

Image via Create the Bridge

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Basic Ways to be The Best Bride EVER!

Mind if I skip the bullshit and get right to it today? Seriously, I want to tell all of you brideys how to the be the best bride you can be, but I would like to do it without sugar coating the truth. Can I do that, please? Cool, thank you. Because lately I feel like I am working with some "newbies" (as in, newly engaged), and you girls aren't quite as well versed in your bridal manners as you could be, so here it goes...

Let's start with the basics, shall we?:

1. Manage your expectations. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. Bridey, don't forget to manage your expectations (and your manners) during the wedding planning process. Right now, you are eating, sleeping and definitely drinking all things wedding. It's all you can think (and talk) about, and oftentimes you find yourself super frustrated when you reach out to one of your wedding vendors and they don't get back to you fast enough. Like, ten minutes after you hit "send". Or when you're out with your girlfriends and thirty minutes go by and nobody else has said a word except you. When you finally come up for air, they are SLEEPING. Be respectful. Because, bridey, nobody cares as much as you do. So, MANAGE your expectations if you want to get through the process unscathed.

2. Quit being a bitch. To your vendors, to your fiance, to your friends, to your mother, and to the holy ghost! I know that wedding planning is like taking on a second job. And it's fucking stressful. TRUST ME, I KNOW! You're basically moonlighting, and it's a lot to take on, but get your 'tude in check. Bridey, the nicer you are, the more people want to help you through the process. Right? So, quit being a bitch.

3. Drop the holier than thou attitude. Along the same lines of "quit being a bitch", rockin' a holier than thou attitude because you're the bride is just as annoying, and you know what? NOBODY CARES! Bridey, you know how many brides there have been before you? And how many brides there are going to be after you? Getting married is nothing new. And when you treat people shit because you're the bride, yeah... It's bullshit.