Wedding Guest List

Reboot ~ Please Don't Come to My Wedding... How Cutting the Guest List Means Cutting the Cord

lanty-251049.jpg

“Please don’t come to my wedding,” she said jokingly, although with a bit of truth behind her words. I laughed with her because I understand how out of control the guest list can become, and when those invitees whom you thought were not going to accept your (strained) invitation decide to grace you with their presence, along with all of those guests you knew were going to come to your wedding, the budget struggle and the lost prospect of an intimate wedding suddenly become very, very real. Bridey, the guest list is probably the hardest part of wedding planning you will encounter because it affects everything. Every decision. Every selection. Every dollar.

So, what is a bride to do? How do you cut the guest list so that you don’t have to cross your fingers every time an RSVP arrives? How do you do it without hurting feelings? Honestly, you don’t. Somebody is going to be hurt because they weren’t invited even if they had no intention of going to your wedding. That’s just how it goes. And it sucks, but that’s the reality of it. So, I need you to do something for me. Imagine a world where you got to decide who would be in attendance on one of the biggest days of your life. Really think about it. Now, write it down. Who’s on that list, bridey? Close family, friends, etc.. Right? Awesome. Now, stop thinking about who’s not on the list and start thinking about how you’re going to handle your ideal guest list. Because, this is it! And for those who didn’t make the cut? Too bad. Remember, you don’t have to apologize, you just have to understand the consequences of your actions and figure out the balance between the two.

Bridey, the truth? No bullshit? Those you don’t invite will be pissed off and hurt, and potentially hold a grudge against you for the rest of their life (and yours). So, the question becomes, are you willing to cut the cord? It’s completely possible that some of these people will never speak to you again, un-friend you on FaceBook, and fall off entirely. And honestly, this might not be a bad thing. Perhaps it’s even an opportunity to filter out the people in your life you’ve been dying to let go of, but haven’t quite found the right excuse. Well, I’d say that by not inviting them to your wedding you’re pretty much sealing the deal!

Although, what about those who you still adore, but didn’t make the cut simply because by inviting them would mean that you would have to invite the string of relatives associated with them (to keep it “fair”)? Sadly, they might end up being collateral damage, however if you’re able to have an honest conversation about your reasoning, then you could potentially salvage these relationships. But, there is no guarantee, and that is what you have to internalize and decide how important certain relationships are to you. And, only you can answer that question.

Look, I know it’s not easy, be that as it may, it’s still your wedding, and your choice. In my opinion, down the road… you’ll end up filtering out those people who really don’t matter to you or make much of a difference in your life (family or not) simply by living. That’s how it goes. So, why not cut the cord now and mark your wedding day as the day you didn’t succumb to the pressure of being all inclusive even at your own expense (literally and figuratively). Got it? Good! Now, go write your list! And good luck!

Image via Lanty

Bridey, You Should Always be Truthful... But, Here Are 10 Wedding Planning Scenarios in Which the Truth is ALWAYS Quicker

They say you get inspiration from unexpected places. In this case, my inspiration for this post comes from a quote I heard in the movie Cars 3. Yup! Cars 3… I honestly don’t remember which scene it was, just that there were a lot of cars discussing something car-race related, and one of them said that “the truth is always quicker”. I swear I had a fucking epiphany in that moment. I pretty much tackled one of my kids so that I could get to my phone fast enough to make a note before I lost it. And, that quote has stayed with me because it is SO relatable in so many situations in life. I mean, you should always make it a goal to tell the truth, but oftentimes the truth gets clouded with white lies or half-truths, usually because we’re attempting to spare somebody else’s feelings, right? But, what if you had the balls to always tell the truth; no matter what? What if you decided to be upfront, transparent and honest from the beginning of your wedding planning journey? What would happen? Allow me to educate:

1. Wedding Budget - This is the mother-load, bridey. Your wedding budget dictates everything else. Like, EVE RY THI NG else. Venue selection, the guest list, vendors, open bar, food, wedding dress, etc. So, cut the bullshit, and determine an actual budget; not an estimated budget, not a ballpark budget, but an ACTUAL budget, and who’s responsible for contributing. This conversation is usually best with some sort of alcoholic beverage, and props. Well, a spreadsheet at the very least. Remember, bridey, the truth is always quicker.

2. Guest List - It’s really very simple, or it can be. Who do you want around you on your wedding day, bridey? You get this one day, ONCE (well, maybe twice or even three times… no judgement). One day where you are lucky enough to have everybody you love under the same roof. So, make it count. Look around… Who’s there. Who’s cheering you on? Do you know everybody? Who’s (purposely) not there? Okay, were you able to capture that? Now, how will you make it happen when faced with resistance from family? How can you get through this painfully uncomfortable, usually brutal and awkward discussion? Tell the truth. Be brave. The truth is always quicker.

3. Skeletons in the Closet - We all got ‘em, but how you deal with them is what counts. Two words: Recognize and address. Say it with me, bridey… Recognize and address. You know what they are, so acknowledge them early on in the wedding planning process! For example, is your sister is a serial dater who you know will want her current flame at your very intimate and expensive wedding? Deal with it NOW! Parents went through (or are going through) a tumultuous divorce? Brutal. Talk about who’s going to walk you down the aisle, where everybody is going to sit, and if dates are allowed… This conversation is going to SUCK, but save yourself a lot of time (and pain and anguish) later. And, don’t save this beauty for the week before the wedding. The truth is always quicker.

4. Sig Other Responsibilities - I swear this is a precursor for marriage. Don’t set yourself up to be disappointed; be honest from the beginning. If he/she isn’t into “wedding planning stuff”, then believe them. Raise your hand if you need help, but don’t go assigning tasks and then getting disappointed when the follow through is lacking. The truth is always quicker.

5. Bridal Party - Who? Who do you want standing next to you on your wedding day? Now, who do you feel obligated to have standing next to you on your wedding day? Bridey, if you feel obligated, then I bet they do too. Suddenly they are obligated to contribute to bridal party shenanigans, showers and the like. Obligated to be excited about the bridesmaids dresses and then buy one. Obligated to show the fuck up. Imagine what would happen if you gently broached the subject with the “obligator”, and lightened the bridal party load? Might eliminate some stress and unmet expectations later, right? The truth is always quicker.

6. Bachelorette Party - I love Vegas. Probably because I got married there, but more than that, I love all of the bells, whistles, pasties, smoke and mirrors… But, if I’m standing up in more than one wedding this year, and I’m still working my way up the corporate ladder, my funds are limited. Bridey, while it is the responsibility of your ‘maids to make this happen for you, it is your responsibility to not be a greedy asshole. Your ‘maids will take cues from you. So if you know that three out of the six girls are broke, then suggest a local party with local fun, and save them the embarrassment. The truth is always quicker.

7. Weight - I hate this one. This is all about being honest with yourself, and obviously being honest with yourself is difficult. Bridey, if you want to lose weight for your wedding, then do it. If you don’t care, then you don’t care. The bottom line is really about how you feel on your wedding day, not how you look. You want the girl smiling in the photographs to be happy with herself, fat or thin, and only YOU can answer that question. Remember, the truth is always quicker.

8. Wedding Dress Shopping - Are you wondering why I included this? Because, over the years, I have heard all sorts of various viewpoints on wedding dress shopping. Some brides LOVE a huge entourage to accompany them to the bridal salon, while others would rather vom than have a group of girls expressing their opinions about their favorite lace or bodice or whatever. This is up to you, bridey. You determine who (if anybody) comes with you, but set the expectations early. The truth is always quicker.

9. DIY or DI-CRY - I am 100% a DICRYer. I always have these grand ideas about whipping up something I see on Pinterest (bridal or otherwise), and then crash and burn pretty awfully. Hence the crying… Bridey, there’s no shame on not being a DIYer. If you choose to become a DIYer, please practice and give yourself plenty of time to accomplish these tasks because they will always take longer than you think. The truth is always quicker. (And your truth might be to hire somebody else to do it…)

10. Open Bar - Yes! Oh wait, the budget. That pesky fucking budget. Can you afford to have an open bar? Can you provide an open bar all night? Can your crowd handle it (will they take advantage and turn into assholes)? How important is it to you? I’m pro open bar, but this is not a question I can answer for you, bridey, but, I know you know the answer. The truth is always quicker...

Bridey, you see why this one quote resonated with me do thoroughly? It is truly applicable in every situation, wedding planning and beyond. I recommend you keep this link handy if you need some encouragement as you plunge into these 10 wedding planning scenarios. When in doubt…the truth is always quicker!

Photo by David Thomaz on Unsplash

Please Don't Come to My Wedding... How Cutting the Guest List Means Cutting the Cord

lanty-251049.jpg

“Please don’t come to my wedding,” she said jokingly, although with a bit of truth behind her words. I laughed with her because I understand how out of control the guest list can become, and when those invitees whom you thought were not going to accept your (strained) invitation decide to grace you with their presence, along with all of those guests you knew were going to come to your wedding, the budget struggle and the lost prospect of an intimate wedding suddenly become very, very real. Bridey, the guest list is probably the hardest part of wedding planning you will encounter because it affects everything. Every decision. Every selection. Every dollar.

So, what is a bride to do? How do you cut the guest list so that you don’t have to cross your fingers every time an RSVP arrives? How do you do it without hurting feelings? Honestly, you don’t. Somebody is going to be hurt because they weren’t invited even if they had no intention of going to your wedding. That’s just how it goes. And it sucks, but that’s the reality of it. So, I need you to do something for me. Imagine a world where you got to decide who would be in attendance on one of the biggest days of your life. Really think about it. Now, write it down. Who’s on that list, bridey? Close family, friends, etc.. Right? Awesome. Now, stop thinking about who’s not on the list and start thinking about how you’re going to handle your ideal guest list. Because, this is it! And for those who didn’t make the cut? Too bad. Remember, you don’t have to apologize, you just have to understand the consequences of your actions and figure out the balance between the two.

Bridey, the truth? No bullshit? Those you don’t invite will be pissed off and hurt, and potentially hold a grudge against you for the rest of their life (and yours). So, the question becomes, are you willing to cut the cord? It’s completely possible that some of these people will never speak to you again, un-friend you on FaceBook, and fall off entirely. And honestly, this might not be a bad thing. Perhaps it’s even an opportunity to filter out the people in your life you’ve been dying to let go of, but haven’t quite found the right excuse. Well, I’d say that by not inviting them to your wedding you’re pretty much sealing the deal!

Although, what about those who you still adore, but didn’t make the cut simply because by inviting them would mean that you would have to invite the string of relatives associated with them (to keep it “fair”)? Sadly, they might end up being collateral damage, however if you’re able to have an honest conversation about your reasoning, then you could potentially salvage these relationships. But, there is no guarantee, and that is what you have to internalize and decide how important certain relationships are to you. And, only you can answer that question.

Look, I know it’s not easy, be that as it may, it’s still your wedding, and your choice. In my opinion, down the road… you’ll end up filtering out those people who really don’t matter to you or make much of a difference in your life (family or not) simply by living. That’s how it goes. So, why not cut the cord now and mark your wedding day as the day you didn’t succumb to the pressure of being all inclusive even at your own expense (literally and figuratively). Got it? Good! Now, go write your list! And good luck!

Image via Lanty

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When Choosing the Guest List for the Wedding Becomes Emotional... For Somebody Else!

So, I was at the gym the other day, (Ewwww... I have officially become one of those girls who starts off a story by bragging about how I was at the gym! It's not like that, really! I got baby weight to lose, bridey, which is a whole other post for a whole other blog! Anyway...) and I started chatting with the woman, old enough to be my mother, who shared a story about how the guest list for her niece's wedding took an ugly turn. I won't get into all of the gory details, because I although I was focused on the dirt of her story, I was also attempting to burn off the spare tire that loves to present itself in every shirt I own.

Basically, her niece was picking and choosing the guest list for wedding in a way that was extremely hurtful to close family. I believe the cliche I am looking for is 'cherry picking' the guest guest list. And I'm not talking about the family members whose names you forget because you see them once every five years at a funeral, I'm talking CLOSE family members; like, people important to your MIL important. Right? Bridey, while choosing your guest list is among the most difficult tasks of planning your wedding (just wait until you start placing those guests at tables!), remember that this list will stay with you for the rest of your life. It's a fine line between choosing your guest list, and choosing who will stay in your life once the wedding is over. 

Look, I totally get it! Weddings are fucking expensive. The more people the more money. Plain and simple. But, your choices now will have repercussions later. So, if it's not a money thing, then get over it, and invite your soon to be MIL's cousin from Cincinnati, because let me tell you, your MIL won't forget that you didn't invite her. You will, but she won't and when you least expect it, she'll torture you with that choice down the line.

Wedding Planning: Create a Stress-Free Wedding Guest List

Hey peeps... SO... I know that today is Wednesday, and that I should be posting a Real Wedding, but I thought this guest post was so helpful that I wanted to share it with you immediately. Plus, after the brutal The Truth Hurts Tuesday from yesterday, I thought I should give back a little! But, I'm not the one giving today... Lindsey, from Melbourne, is! She's got an fantastic post about creating a wedding guest list without the bullshit. So, obviously, I love it, and I know you will too!

And you know what? This is NOT a sponsored post, I just like what this chick has to say!

XO,

BB

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So you recently got engaged and are now ready to start planning your wedding. Congratulations! Now that you’re engaged, you will face a whole new set of problems and issues that may make you regret the decision to have a wedding in the first place. 

Luckily, there are many guides and tips that can help reduce the stress of wedding planning. One of the first issues you will have to discuss is the size of the guest list. This is an important first step, because it will help you determine where to have the venue, how big the wedding budget will be, how much food to order, and many other details about the wedding.

Use these handy tips to help you determine who to invite to your special day: