Wedding Planners

My Kinda, Sorta, Almost Weddingiversary… Why Eloping Felt Like Our Only Option

tom-the-photographer-659305-unsplash.jpg

May 22nd would have been my 14th wedding anniversary… If only we had gotten married. The plans were coming along beautifully. We put a deposit down at the venue (for you Bostonians, it was our very favorite restaurant, Michael Schlow’s, Radius), I went dress shopping with my mom, and we started to solidify our wedding vendors. So, why didn’t we get married on May 22nd? Well, my bridey drama queens, it’s definitely not what you’re thinking. There was no crazy controversy. There was no scandal or deranged lover or pregnancy, or whatever. I love the shit out of my husband; the one I was supposed to marry on May 22nd. But, I didn’t love the idea of planning my wedding. I know, I know, the wedding planner who didn’t want to plan her own wedding! Could I have “hired” one of my fellow wedding planner friends? Sure. But, that wasn’t the problem. Well, that wasn’t the only problem.

In 2012, I wrote an article for Huffington Post called, 5 Reasons Why I Eloped. And six years later, it all still holds true. Go read it, it’s quite good (if I do say so). But, the two major points of contention (which I still think about almost daily)? Family dynamics + budget. These two points are the biggies… Like, ruinyourfuckingwedding biggies. The power of family dynamics combined with the whole money thing can be brutal. So, to avoid dealing with the inevitable,  we proactively took ourselves out of the epicenter, and ran like idiots to Vegas. I know it’s not for everyone, and I know it’s not something everyone can do without some serious repercussions. But, in the spirit of staying true to ourselves, eloping felt like our only option.

I’m not gonna lie, there were some pissed off people upon our return and celebratory announcement. But, looking back, I still feel like we dodged a bullet. I still feel like we “won” somehow. We have a day that was truly for us, and only us. But, the most important lesson here, bridey? Do what’s best for you. That’s been my motto lately; as a wedding planner/writer and personally. Your best interests lie within you. Listen to them. Does that give you license so be a selfish asshole? No, but it does give you permission to stay true to yourself and your sig other. Filter out the noise, and listen to your inner voice of reason. You get one fucking day, bridey. ONE. Use it wisely… Which leads me to my other major point. Budget.

Oh the budget…. The fucking budget. The collapse of all things based in reality. I could go on and on, and I have. But, here’s the thing, and the “thing” is pretty basic. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. And, even if you can, think about your financial goals after your wedding. It seems far away now, but I can afford my life now because I didn’t fuck it up then and spend all of my/our money on a wedding. Even if it’s not your money, have some respect for whomever’s money it is. Don’t buy just to buy. Prioritize your needs and wants and go from there. You definitely don’t want your benefactor(s) (ahem... usually your parents) to harbor any resentment because you took advantage of their generosity.

May 22nd will always have a special place in my heart as my kinda, sorta, almost weddingiversary. But, it also reminds me of how I (we) stayed true to what we wanted, and didn’t go for broke in the process. You should try it, bridey!

Photo by Tom The Photographer

Wedding Woes... Five Ways to Ditch the Professional Worrier, and Just Get Shit Done!

This article is dedicated to MK.

This article is dedicated to MK.

Are you a professional worrier? Do you worry about shit you can’t control? Do you worry about shit you can control? Do you worry that you worry too much? Do you stay up half the night thinking about witty retorts to potential arguments that will most likely never (in a million years) happen? Well, depending on the severity of your worrisome worrying, hopefully I can help. Well, from a wedding planning standpoint that is… And, if you’re in the midst of planning a wedding, I’m sure you’re worrying is currently out of control, taking over life as you know it and you’re on the brink of worrying yourself right to Las Vegas.

Here’s the thing, bridey, stop. Stop worrying and start doing. Let go of the need to think big picture, and start thinking about conquering each step of the planning one at a time. How? Well, it’s really quite simple. Here are five ways to ditch your professional worrier persona and just get shit done:

1. Hire an actual professional worrier… Ahem, a wedding planner. I know your budget is small, and I know you’re already stretching to make this wedding work, and I know that it’s fucking hard, but when you hire somebody equipped to handle the stress and worry for you, then you’ve already won a huge battle. Hiring a wedding planner isn’t an option for you? Well, frankly, that’s just stupid, because if you think about it, we use professionals for every other big purchase and big dream in our lives, so why your wedding isn’t under this umbrella is beyond me. But, there’s still something you can do. Hire a “day of” or “month of” wedding planner to handle the logistics leading up to your wedding, and on your wedding day so at the very least, you don’t have to be a worrywart as you walk down the aisle.

2. Take a break. Hell, take twenty-five breaks. It really doesn’t matter how many times you take a break from wedding planning, it matters how many times you get back into the game. You don’t need to be planning your wedding every.second of every.day. Set small goals, stick to them, and then take a fucking break. Repeat.

3. Organize yourself early on. Bridey, if you’re a procrastinator and you know it (clap your hands… just kidding), then get ahead of it. I mean, there are a billion wedding planning tools out there to help you stay organized leading up to your wedding day, so just pick one, and get going. This isn’t rocket science, it’s a wedding, and more than that, it’s a celebration of your love for one another. So, it’s a good idea to keep that in the back of your mind when shit feels overwhelming or you’ve gotten off track. Okay?

4. Have a lot of sex… Obviously with the dude or girl you’re marrying. (For some peeps, I know it’s not so cut and dry!) I’ve said this several times, and I’ll say it again. Go do it! Sex releases endorphins (which make you happy), relaxes you and more than that, it brings you two closer. You’ll feel your worrying melt away after a good roll in the hay. Sorry! Couldn’t help it! But, you know what I mean! 

5. Move on. Bridey, did you make a decision? Did you finally determine the color scheme and florals? Congratulations! That’s awesome! So move forward. Keep going. Don’t look back! Seriously, how many cheesy cliches will make you listen to me? Once you’ve made your choice, don’t go back! This will be your biggest downfall. Second guessing yourself never works out well for anybody no matter what decision they’re making in their life. Go with your gut and with what works well for you, and then fucking move on!

The thing is, bridey, I could give you 102 ways to stop worrying, but then you’d worry that you weren’t not-worrying enough, so I thought I’d begin with the five biggies… Just stay true to yourself and your sig other because there are going to be bigger battles down the road that will require more worrying than worrying about your wedding.

Does Hiring a Wedding Planner Save You Money? The Real Answer to That Burning Question...

"Does hiring a wedding planner save you money?" Bridey, this is probably one of the most asked questions in the entire wedding industry. "Does hiring a wedding planner save you money?" Well, and this one, "Why are wedding planners so expensive?" And, you know what? There really isn't a "clean" answer to these burning questions. Just a bunch of industry professionals feeling like they have to justify why they are 100% necessary in the grand scheme of your wedding. So, I thought I would jump in and explain it. No bullshit. No smoke and mirrors. Just plain ol' facts. Ready?

Quite honestly, asking if a wedding planner will save you money is somewhat of a loaded question. Do wedding planners know all the right people in a world that you don't? Yes. Will that save you tons of time, and anguish as you narrow down your wedding vendors? Absolutely! Think about it... We have spent years cultivating relationships with our vendors, which should make you (bridey) more comfortable with our referrals. Because not only do "our" vendors not want to disappoint you, but they definitely don't want to disappoint us. Sounds so badass, right? But, it’s true. Personally, I have vendors who I LOVE LOVE LOVE, and who LOVE LOVE LOVE me back. And it’s not because of the money, it’s because of our history and relationship.

Think about it like this… A wedding planner will bring the right vendors, to you, as opposed to you having to do extensive research, and find them on your own. You will choose from a short, tried and true, list of vendors, instead of a long, quite possibly, shitty, list of vendors that you found from several different websites. Right there? That's time back in your life. Time that you didn't waste looking for the right fit because it was delivered to you. Plus, your planner will then sweat the nitty gritty and make sure you’re not getting taken for a ride. Ted Bauer said perfectly, "It's no longer 'time is money.' Now time is literally the new money." I couldn't have said it better myself (so I didn't!).

But, here's the thing that really gets me upset. Accountants, realtors, and even used car dealers do shit for people all of the time without justification. But, wedding planners? We always seem to have to justify our professional existence. What the fuck? Right? I mean, for years, I did my taxes myself, and you know what? For years, I fucked them up! (Seriously, I don't know who I thought I was to be responsible for my taxes!!) And, that was something that was annual, not a once in a lifetime event!! But, when I hired an accountant, not only did he fix all of my previous mistakes, he showed me where else I could be doing better. Same goes for realtors... I could sell my house by myself, but why would I, when I could pay somebody who knows what the hell they're doing, to do it for me? And you know what? No justification necessary. Just get 'er done! Sell it!

So, will a wedding planner save you money? Yes! But, probably not the total cost of their fee. But, they will save you a tremendous amount of time (the new money), and all of your sanity… How can you put a price tag on that?

Image via The Context Of Things

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Sometimes I feel guilty when I post a FLASHBACK, but then I realize that if I already have a fantastic post, why reinvent the wheel? Right? I'm still getting my point across, and some of you haven't taken the time to go back and read everything I've ever written, so why the hell not? Anyway, bridey, absorb this one... This is like the worst thing you can do to a wedding planner, event manager (at a venue), etc. Everything worked out in the end (regarding my situation), but I still think back, and resent the hell out of the bride who asked me to jump through hoops when I was down for the count. Don't forget to check out the comments too!

May 26, 2015:

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When the Bride Knows More Than Her Planner... REALLY??

I had to share this vendor vent with you, bridey. And, I had to put it front and center because I think it's safe to say that pretty much every wedding planner I know gets frustrated when the bride (or the couple) thinks she knows more than her planner. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's fucking grounds for dropping you as a client. Seriously, bridey, don't bother hiring a wedding planner if you're going to challenge her/his every move. Do it yourself. Be a DIY bride, and I'm not talking about making your own centerpieces; I'm talking about planning your own damn wedding.

Written by Mrs. Peacock:

Hello! OK, so, I love your blog. As a planner, I feel like it should be required reading for all my brides and grooms. (Ahem... Me too!!) Thanks for giving us vendors a place to commiserate.

Anyways, one of your posts - Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!, really resonated with me.

Yes. So. Many. Times. Yes.

How I wish I followed this advice and my own intuition with my last bride + groom. You know those couples who think that they know how to plan a wedding better than their planner does? They often go hand in hand with the my wedding has to look exactly like this million dollar wedding but at a tiny fraction of the price couple? And so often, throughout the planning, you know that these people are going to find reason to be upset about something, so what's the point in bending over backwards to try to make them happy? The type that treat you like you are their personal assistant that they have always wanted to have just to abuse? The ones who flat out refuse to listen to your (and all the other vendors!) skilled advice, and then when things don't go according to plan (just as you told them it would) precisely BECAUSE of their own ill advised choices, they berate you for it? Yeah, it was one of those couples.

I knew I should've walked away in the early stages but I didn't because -and here's the kicker- they were friends of mine. Friends of mine who had hidden the entitled vicious privileged brat side of them very well over the years. Friends of mine who clearly viewed the roles of Bride and Groom as tyrannical King and Queen. And yes, I've learned my lesson working with friends now. But the point is, had I just walked away from what was clearly going to be a losing situation, I could've saved myself a lot of stress, time, heartache, and unfortunately, a friendship.

- Mrs. Peacock

***

Basically, bridey? If you hire a wedding planner, then it's up to you to decide to trust her/him. Make a conscious choice to trust her/him, just as you would with any other professional you hire in any other aspect of your life. If not, then plan it yourself.

Image via Friar Tux Shop

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride's PSA #2... Be Pleasant While You Plan

In October of 2013, I wrote a post called Bitchless Bride's PSA. It was all about how we as a society (both in "the industry" and outside of it) tend to let the assholes win. It's like, whoever makes the most noise gets the prize simply so that we can shut them up. And while, it still pisses me off that we are so quick to bend over for the dickhead who threatens the precious equilibrium, the other part of my PSA was to give more love and attention to those clients who actually deserve it. The clients who are lovely and respectful, but just need some help with the logistics or design of their wedding. So, today, I thought I would dive into who those people are, rather than focus on the assholes.

Over the last few weeks, I have been lucky enough to have had lunch with a few fellow wedding planners, and as the conversation flowed (as it always does when you put two chatty women together), it came down to rooting for the underdog. Huh? The underdog? Yes!! The underdog, the nice bride (clearly, a bride who reads BB!). The chick who has kept the same persona since the day she hired us. The girl who sometimes starts her emails with, "I'm so sorry to be high maintenance, but...", although she is not high maintenance at all, or the one who feels badly about potentially being needy, but who isn't. Those girls!! "We" as planners, totally root for you! You are the ones we want to bend over backwards to help! You renew our love for what we do, and in a world of assholes, you have no idea how powerful your niceness is!

I have been preaching this for years, bridey. YEARS! And, with each chatty conversation I have with my peers, it's so clear to me that I have been on to something. BE FUCKING NICE! I mean... It's something we all learned in kindergarten and seem to have forgotten as we have aged. Bridey, you will get so much more out of your wedding vendors (and people in general) if you're pleasant while you plan. And you know what? This is universal. Everybody I know feels the same fucking way. 

Around the time I wrote Bitchless Bride's PSA, I had been re-reading a few posts from October 2012, and seriously felt sick. Because in 2012, I was absolutely writhing from the grips of a terrible client I had worked with for over 16 months. She was a fucking beast, and I should have fired her, but I was in way too deep... And, we (wedding planners), have all had one of those clients. The ones we totally bend over for, simply so that she will shut the fuck up, and go away for a bit. After the wedding, I was definitely questioning why I plan weddings for bitches who don't appreciate the hard work that goes into each event (hence why it is so important for the good ones to renew our love for our profession), and I vowed that I will never get in that deep again; that I would fire the next bitch who made me feel as though I am anything but her equal.

Every single wedding planner I know has a story like mine, bridey. And it baffles me. Because, it's so much easier to get what you want (and even get a few things comped) simply by being pleasant while you plan... Got it?

Image via vivanspace

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Hey Bridey! Keep Your Bullshit Opinions to Yourself!

"Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, that's how the conversation began with this potential bride. (Told you I am losing faith in humanity.) Nice way to start, huh? She had called a day prior requesting information about wedding packages, etc., although without the willingness to share a bit about herself, her "dream" and most importantly, her budget. So, I got as much as I possibly could get out of her before she abruptly ended the call. I hesitated, but then said, "Fuck it", and emailed the wedding packages and pricing for her to review.

Which brings us back to the beginning... "Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, this bitch called back the next fucking day to share her feelings with me. Know what? I totally should have sent her the PITA wedding packages (they're ones which incorporate the Pain In The Ass fee). No, I don't actually have those, but it sure is tempting! OMG... I can only imagine how outrageous she would have thought my pricing was if I emailed those! Again, not that I have them...

Anyway, here's the thing... Some of you may find certain wedding vendor pricing "outrageous", and that's perfectly fine. Don't use them. Choose somebody else. But, please, bridey, do us all a favor and keep your bullshit opinions to yourself! I mean... There's really no need to call back and preach your outrage. Just move on. But, keep this in mind... Most vendors who rank on the pricey side of the spectrum? Yeah, they got there because they're fucking worth it.

I want you to do me a favor, bridey. I dare you to walk into Louis Vuitton and tell the chick helping you select the "perfect" bag that LV's prices are outrageous.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Sometimes, I Wish I Wasn't a Planner

OMG, bridey... I just don't fucking feel like it! I don't feel like plunging into the fall wedding season pool of drama. I don't wanna. I don't feel like being a shrink, a referee, a "nice guy" and your bitch this fall season. You know why? Because I have some shit that I'm dealing with lately, and while I have learned to put my personal "baggage" aside, so that I can sift through yours, bridey, some days are harder than others. Some days I find it almost impossible to keep my grin plastered on my face.

Honestly? Sometimes I wish I followed in the family footsteps and became an attorney so that a callus, straightforward attitude was the norm; no bullshit required. Just the truth, no rainbows, no unicorns, no fluff, no bullshit... only the truth. Because I'm getting pretty tired of the bullshit, bridey. It's exhausting. And like I said, I don't fucking feel like it. I don't feel like putting on a face when all I want to do is tell you to quit whining about finding the perfect flowers to perfectly match the bridesmaids dresses. Because I don't care... But, what's a girl to do? Seriously? Wedding and event planning is ALL I know how to do! It's all I have ever done. And right this second, I don't want to play anymore.

Some of you will read this, think I'm full of shit and move on to the next pretty, frilly wedding blog.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Why it's Important to Hire a Wedding Planner

You know how I perpetually say that wedding planning always comes together in the end? Well, I lied. Wedding planning always comes together in the end if you have a fucking fabulous wedding planner like me, but if you don't, then you might be in some trouble. So, for all of you "newbies" or newly engaged brides, sit down and listen to me. Actually, why don't all of you, brideys, have a seat. Because after this past weekend, I clearly have some more educating to do.

It's no secret that I am a big fan of hiring a wedding planner to orchestrate your wedding plans. Be it a wedding planner who will help secure all of the details from start to finish or a "day of" wedding planner who jumps in a few weeks to a month prior to the big day, or a something in-between the two, but allow me to say it again. BRIDEY, HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER! Just do it. You know why? Because I single-handedly saved a wedding this past weekend. I did. Go me.

Okay... So I am being a touch melodramatic, but here's what happened. I was working with a truly amazing couple. Really, I swear, I'm not writing this with an ounce of sarcasm! Anyway, they were so amazing that several guests wanted to say a few words (or many, many words) about this amazing couple, and as lovely as that was, it was fucking up my perfectly sculpted timeline of events for the evening. And the DJ kept allowing these people to take the mic without clearing it with me first (great guy, but not in my network of trusted vendors)... NOT COOL! 

Most of you probably don't think that this is a big deal. I mean, what's wrong with guests who wish to take the mic for a few? Well, it becomes a chain reaction.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The Entitled, Part-Time Wedding Planner

This is somewhat of a touchy subject for me because I am a wedding planner, but I gotta get it this story out there because that's what I do; I get shit out there, and sometimes, it isn't just about a bitchy bride. So, here it goes... Ahem... To all of my wedding planner colleagues, quit your bullshit! Okay, I guess it isn't fair for me to include all of you in this broad statement, but there are definitely some of you who are taking advantage of your position (the client), and pissing off a lot of people in your path.

So recently, I was schmoozing with what I like to call my "partners in crime" (a group of venue managers, catering managers at hotels, etc.), and some of what I was hearing was a bit baffling. Story after story of event planners behaving badly. The more I heard, the more embarrassed I became. Although on one level, I felt pretty good because these chicks were comfortable sharing the deets with me (probably because I used to be a catering manager at a fancy hotel), but mostly I felt pissed off because there are wedding and event planners out there who can be just as bad as the bride!

Now I know that as a planner (or bride), we all have our moments. It's frustrating when you're not getting what you need from a venue or catering manager (or any of your vendors), but it's all in how you manage it that matters. Right? What do I always say? Be nice! Whether your a wedding planner or a bride, you get more sugar with honey! It's a really simple concept. People want to help you if you are nice to them!

Here's the story that really stuck out for me. One of the catering managers was telling us about how a certain wedding planner was all over her about obtaining particular details for an upcoming wedding (like nitty gritty shit). And I say upcoming LOOSELY.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Ways to Get the Most out of Your Wedding Planner

It seems like every wedding planner I speak to during this insanely busy time tells me the same thing… “OMG, I really love this bride, but…” Or, “This fucking bride is driving me crazy because...” So, because I really, truly want to help YOU, bridey, get the most out of your wedding planner, be it the one you’ve hired independently or the catering manager you’re working with at a hotel or resort, I thought it would be helpful if I shared a few of these… hmmm… “insights” so that you can get the absolute best out of your planner, and not have her (or him) hate you.

Here it goes:

1. Don’t be a micromanager. Just don’t do it. Bridey, I know that some of you have great big jobs that require you to be in control of a large team or an enormous budget, etc., and that’s fantastic. But, please don’t let that spill over into MY domain. The reason I'm in charge is because you don’t know shit about planning a wedding, and I do. Listen, bridey, I'm not telling you something you didn't already know! Right?? So, let me do it! Stop trying to control me! Wedding planning is MY full time job, so please, give me some room to do it. I mean... You are well aware of this fact because you are the one who hired me. So, back off… Let me handle the details without having to run each decision by you first.

2. Don’t be a penny pincher when it comes to paying me! When the penny pinching begins, I seriously want to bang my head against the wall… HARD! It tells me that you clearly have no idea just how much I am doing for you, and dammit, I deserve to get paid for the four hours I spent attending an “emergency planning meeting” with your mother.

3. Don’t confuse me for your therapist. I love to listen. I really do, but