Mind if I skip the bullshit and get right to it today? Seriously, I want to tell all of you brideys how to the be the best bride you can be, but I would like to do it without sugar coating the truth. Can I do that, please? Cool, thank you. Because lately I feel like I am working with some "newbies" (as in, newly engaged), and you girls aren't quite as well versed in your bridal manners as you could be, so here it goes...
Let's start with the basics, shall we?:
1. Manage your expectations. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. Bridey, don't forget to manage your expectations (and your manners) during the wedding planning process. Right now, you are eating, sleeping and definitely drinking all things wedding. It's all you can think (and talk) about, and oftentimes you find yourself super frustrated when you reach out to one of your wedding vendors and they don't get back to you fast enough. Like, ten minutes after you hit "send". Or when you're out with your girlfriends and thirty minutes go by and nobody else has said a word except you. When you finally come up for air, they are SLEEPING. Be respectful. Because, bridey, nobody cares as much as you do. So, MANAGE your expectations if you want to get through the process unscathed.
2. Quit being a bitch. To your vendors, to your fiance, to your friends, to your mother, and to the holy ghost! I know that wedding planning is like taking on a second job. And it's fucking stressful. TRUST ME, I KNOW! You're basically moonlighting, and it's a lot to take on, but get your 'tude in check. Bridey, the nicer you are, the more people want to help you through the process. Right? So, quit being a bitch.
3. Drop the holier than thou attitude. Along the same lines of "quit being a bitch", rockin' a holier than thou attitude because you're the bride is just as annoying, and you know what? NOBODY CARES! Bridey, you know how many brides there have been before you? And how many brides there are going to be after you? Getting married is nothing new. And when you treat people shit because you're the bride, yeah... It's bullshit.
You remember in grade school or high school or wherever when one chick in your class would get the rest of you in trouble? And it was, like, totally unfair because, like, you didn't do anything wrong, but you got in trouble anyway? Well, this is one of those fucking times. All because of one chick, one bridey bitch... Well, she just ruined it for the rest of you lovely brides to be. Her entitled, cunty ways just threw me over the edge. Yup! You read that right. I just used a really bad word (one I've never used on Bitchless Bride for the record), but when there is no other way to explain it and still get my point across, I felt forced to use a word that stings a bit... Anyway, allow me to elaborate.
Here's the gist... I am not your servant. I am not your bitch. I am your experienced wedding planner who you hired to get shit done. I'm somebody who knows people to get shit done. I'm not some little "yes" girl. Seriously, sometimes I wish you brideys would treat me like an attorney instead of a wedding planner who's expected to smile every time you make a decision all by your little self. If I were an attorney, you'd give me the facts, tell me your thoughts and LISTEN to my PROFESSIONAL opinion based on my experience. But, because I am in the "bend over and take it industry", sorry, the service industry, I'm forced to smile through my gritted teeth.
So, let's get to it... Back to the Basics ~ 5 Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch:
1. Fucking... be nice.
Okay… The Truth Hurts Tuesday is back with a bang! Seriously brideys, I am not messing around today. Here’s the bottom line… If you are being taunted by that little voice inside your head, you know, the one that is saying something like, “Run, bridey, run! WHAT am I doing, and how do I get out of this?” then perhaps you should take a step back and listen to what the voice is trying to tell you. If it ain’t right, then don’t get married. Period.
First of all, please tell me you know that the title of this post are lyrics from David Bowie & Queen’s “Under Pressure”? Well, if you don’t, then we can’t be friends… Just kidding, but definitely click on this link and educate yourself on being cooler. Not to mention a much cooler bride….
Anyway, I want to have an honest conversation with you bridey about the pressure surrounding your wedding planning. If you’re recently engaged or have been in the midst of your wedding plans for some time now, then you are probably coming to realize that there is a ton of pressure encompassing your wedding plans. And you know where the majority of the pressure comes from?
Good morning brideys… I must admit I had to take some time off this weekend. I just needed a break. So, I forced myself to go MIA on Twitter, FaceBook and even Pinterest (I know! Can you believe it?). Because sometimes I just need to completely disconnect... And all I really wanted to do this weekend is play all by myself. It’s strange; sometimes you even need a break from the things you love. Like really love, like the way I love everything about Bitchless Bride. And admittedly, there are even some days that I need a break from my reality, my marriage and basically all responsibility. That’s not to say that I go crazy, cheat on my husband or steal shit, but when I feel this way, it’s important to focus on something that it’s important to me. And this weekend it was shopping, reading, catching up with an old friend and working out.
I have to share a story with you brideys, and it has nothing to do with being a better bride, or realistic tips on how to get shit done for your wedding. But, it is entertaining (to say the least), and if I don't write about it and get it off of my chest, then I might actually get really pissed off, and possibly arrested for my trash-talking mouth (shocking, I know).
**STORY SUBMITTED BY A MAKE-UP PROFESSIONAL**
I have been in touch before in my position as a bride-to-be, however today I write to you in the capacity of a make-up artist! I have had some doozies I would LOVE to share with you in the hopes that all brides-to-be can learn from these mishaps that have landed in my lap all too often! Hope you and your readers find this helpful!!
1. TRIALS ARE STILL A FULL SERVICE – AS SUCH, THEY ARE NOT FREE:
Bridey, this one is pretty simple. We are trialing a look for your wedding day, so us make-up artists (MUAs) are pulling out all the stops to ensure that not only that you look amazing, but also that we GET THE JOB. If we don’t – you STILL get a full face of make up at your trial. A full face = a full face, period. It does not matter if you’re about to walk down the aisle go get a loaf of bread before heading home. It’s still my time, and your face.